Sunday, March 30, 2008

24 Hours After the Launch

ouI am looking at our pictures. And I realized that... I'm gonna miss each and everyone of you a lot. Ang corny pero... nakakaiyak. Slight.



It was the best party I've ever had. It wasn't because of the place. Not because of the drinks. Not even the music. It was the best because I had fun with the people that matter to me the most. Because YOU were there.



It was difficult, organizing the whole event. Especially the invitation part. Ang hirap kausapin ng past students. Unsure lagi. Cancellations at the last minute. It was frustrating because I want them to be there but, it seems that when I called... when FINALLY, I had an event for my students, they WON"T come. Sad. There are limits, I guess.



But a precious few did come. I call them my real students, and I will treasure them the most: Zynka (from 3years past), Vianka and Amay (forever my closest students), Nevin (the silent one), Monique and Joy Ann (my sunken studes), Milet (ang pagbabalik), Julian (the bartender), and Bec (my music critic).



Ang saya balikan ng mga moments... Nung nagsasayaw tayo sa dancefloor. Grabe... So much fun! And the hugs I gave you before you went home. I'll treasure those moments forever...



I'm really thankful for the support my students gave me. Especially my biochem class. Love nyo talaga ako 'no? Love ko din kayo. :)



I am also very grateful for my colleagues at the Institute: Mayang, Gwenn, Marie Joy (aka Friend 2), Cheska, Shem, Yayik, Jervee. Thanks to Boi and Bick and Rhay... Friends forever.



I am wondering where I got the ATP's to dance at all... I haven't slept a wink the night before, and two days back I've only had about 6 hours of sleep all in all... And on the day itself, I didn't eat a single meal - before the party, I was too busy preparing; during the party, I was too busy entertaining guests; after the party, I was simply too tired. But I guess it was your support which pushed me on to the dancefloor. It was your presence which gave me the courage to perform. It was your love that kept me on my feet...



And people wonder why I am doing all these things just for the fun of my students.



Well, the answer is - I just know how to reciprocate. I'm just giving back all the love I've received from my friends.



Yun lang naman yun. :)



To all my friends, thank you for the support. Thank you for you time, for your cooperation, for you money. Thank you for the fun I wouldn't have had if you weren't there. Once, I was a lonely boy, but now, I am surrounded by true friends.



MAraming salamat sa inyong lahat. I'll never forget the night you've shared with me.





Monday, March 24, 2008

t = Au

Alam niyo, nitong sem na 'to, pinakanaramdaman kong talagang tumatanda na ako. Una, kapag nagkukuwento ako sa mga students ko sa class, pakiramdam ko parang iba na ako mag-isip. Parang hindi na nila ako nagegets. Parang yung mga iniisip ko ngayon ay hindi pa nila iniisip o di nila planong isipin forever. Oh my gulay. Totoo pala yung age gap.



Pangalawa, minsan hindi ko na feel magkuwento at all! Kakaiba! Ako ba 'to? Ewan ko ba. Parang I've grown out of that phase. Dati kasi, kailangan ko ng karamay sa mga problema ko nun. Nung summer nga umiyak pa ko sa class ko once (or twice yata). Ngayon, hindi ko na ma-imagine gawin yun...



Tapos minsan nararamdaman ko na wala na akong maikuwento. Dati kasi medyo fresh pa yung issue about dun kay "O" tapos kay "alpha". Eh ngayon na natapos na, parang pointless na kung babalikan ko pa yun. Ang weird.



Yung mga iniisip ko pa ngayon, yung pagiging independent sa family ko. Gusto ko na mag-sarili. Noong unuwi ako nung bakasyon hindi ko na feel na home ko nga yung inuwian ko. Mas at home na ako sa dorm eh. Gusto ko na na mag-livein na kami ng baby ko. Alam mo yun...



Tapos 'di ba, kung napansin niyo, hindi na ako adik mag-blog. Parang wala na akong masabi sa inyo.



Akalain mo. Nagbabago din pala ako. Iniisip ko kasi dati forever na akong ma-emote. Forever na magsusulat o magkukuwento sa class o kaya makikipag-friends (minsan more than friends.. joke!) sa students... Masaya na kasi talaga ako ngayon. Kuntento na ako. Napuno na yung mga kakulangan ko dati kaya feeling ko hindi ko na kailangan ng atensyon at pakikinig ng iba. Parang wala na akong problema masyado...



Pero alam niyo, nalulungkot ako na hindi na ako nagsusulat masyado. Kasi kapag sinusulat mo nga iyong mga nangyari sa buhay mo, parang nagiging makabuluhan siya. Naaalala mo yung mga pangyayari sa buhay mo noon. Kung wala kang record, para bang ang bilis ng panahon. Parang naghahalo-halo na yung mga araw na kapag binalikan mo tuloy yung panahon na iyon, wala ka nang masabi about that period. Isang taon ang lumipas at walang nangyari kundi tumanda ka lang. Yun na yun.



Nakakalungkot. Kasi gusto ko pa man sana na isulat ang buhay ko. Lahat ng mga mahahalagang nangyari... Pero kasi, hindi naman ako makapagsulat kung wala akong paghuhugutan na emosyon. Mas nakakapagsulat ako kapag malungkot, eh masaya na nga ako ngayon di ba? Tapos stable naman ang love life ko. Wala na tuloy akong makwento. Haay...



Wait! May na-realize ako. Parang may experience points pala ang buhay. May mga mangyayari sa iyo na problema tapos kapag nalampasan mo yun, tataas ka na ng maturity level. Kagaya nung nagkaroon na kami ng closure ni "O" at tinanggap ko na talaga, pakiramdam ko ang laki ng itinanda ko. It was the end of an era. Kaya heto ako ngayon, nag-iiba na...



Actually, nalulungkot din ako sa papalapit na launch eh. Kasi patapos na din ang era ko ng paggawa ng albums. Kaya din ako nag-insist na i-push through ang event na ito kasi I have a feeling na baka wala na 'tong kasunod. Kung baga ito na yung culminating activity ng paggawa ko ng albums kasi malapit ko na ma-outgrow yung phase na yun.



Nakakalungkot. Kasi... itong mga bagay na ito ang nagbibigay ng kahulugan sa aking buhay. Paano na lang kung next sem, hindi na ko magsha-share sa mga students ko? Paano na lang kung wala na silang album? Paano na lang kung magsara na ang blog na ito?



So ibig sabihin ba nito ayaw ko na magbago ako? Ibig sabihin ba ayaw ko ang mga mangyayari sa akin in the future?



Gustuhin ko man o hindi, ganoon talaga ang mangyayari sa akin. Ayaw ko man o gusto, wala akong magagawa sa pagiging mas mature ko habang tumatanda ako. Alangan namang 40-years-old na ako tapos nakiki-party pa din with students di ba? Medyo freaky na yun.



Nakakatawa talaga. Kapag bata ka, gusto mo maging matanda. Kapag matanda ka na, gusto mo naman maging bata ka ulit.



Ang iisipin ko na lang siguro, at least, noong nasa ganitong phase ako ng buhay ko, na-enjoy ko naman siya. Wala akong pinalampas na pagkakataon. At least nagawa kong:



  • manligaw (ng girls and boys)


  • masaktan (ng girl and boys)


  • magka-girlfriend


  • magka-boyfriend


  • mag-sexplore (hay nako, hormones talaga)


  • madevirginize


  • magpakalasing


  • mag-yosi


  • mag-party at gumimik, trips with friends etc


  • magsulat nang napakadami at mag-publish ng libro


  • gumawa ng albums


  • kumita ng pera


  • maging noble at bayani ng bayan sa pagiging isang guro ng UP!


  • mag-share


  • mag-OUT


  • maka-touch ng mga buhay (drama)


  • mag-speech sa mga totoong events (salamat sa Chemsoc)


  • mag-perform (go boron trifluoride!)


  • mag-move on (woohoo! clap clap clap!)


  • marami pang iba


At higit sa lahat



  • mag-organize ng sariling event with the help of my friends (I'M TALKING ABOUT THE LAUNCH, MAN!)


***Promotional chorva lang pala itong blog na ito. Hehehe.



Pero seryoso, at least may mga nagawa naman akong mga bagay na makaka-improve sa buhay ko (at hindi lang sa acads noh, 'di ako nerd uy). Kahit na tapos na yata yung phase na yun, I did what I could.



Pero nakakalungkot pa din.



Kulang talaga ang panahon 'no? Kaya dapat go lang ng go!



Wednesday, March 5, 2008

Planning the Launch

I
am neck-deep in preparations for my album's launch this March 28. I am
still amazed that I am actually having an event of my own! Well, in
truth, it isn't just mine - it will be our (me and my studes') semender
party, but that only makes the whole thing so much better!

I had this amazing idea one night in December, riding the KNL trike
home and the trike passed by Perk's Place and I thought - what if I
launch my new album there? What if I organize this party, invite my
students, play the whole album and dance to it? I wasn't able to sleep
at all that night. I was overly excited about the event, I can't wait
to tell my students about it.

By January, plans for the event somewhat died down since I was busy
with acad stuff but then last week, my biochem students reminded me of
the planned launch and most of them appeared enthusiastic about it.
They were actually going to push through with it. They immediately
started spawning... (hehe) ideas and I was overwhelmed by the support
they are willing to give. We had a hasty planning of the venue, the
date, the food, the activities, etc. and some of our ideas were serving
drinks with laboratory glassware (shots given in test tubes, drinking
from beakers, shot volumes measured in pipets or burets), blue food
(light blue is the theme color for the event) including blue iced tea,
blue distilled water, and blue gelatin (imitating a dyed SDS-PAGE gel),
ambitious production numbers, and plans on having a shirt made for the
event (black tee with "THE ICE" written in stylish light blue letters
in front).

Yesterday, I gave my students survey forms so I will be able to gauge
what they want for the party. For my Chem 16 classes (lec and lab),
here are the results:

Willing to have a semender party? Yes: 100%

Maximum amount of money willing to spend?
P100: 3%
P150: 29%
P200: 26%
P250: 9%
P300: 17%
P500: 11%
infinite: 6%

Priority in venue?
cost: 20%
proximity: 37%
amenities: 29%
fun: 9%
food: 6%

Date for the event?
Mar 28: 54%
Mar 29: 29%

Activities?
Games: 45%
Dancing: 21%
Food: 18%

Food?
Pasta: 34%
Pizza: 28%

Dessert?
Ice Cream: 39%
Cake: 27%

I have yet to give the survey to my biochem students, but as of this point, here are the arrangements (so far) agreed upon:

Date: March 28 (friday night... and the lights are low)
Venue: Perk's, along Maginhawa,
UP Village, The place has two floors including an open rooftop area and
there will actually be a stage area complete with eventish sound
system, lights, plus bubbles and smoke effects! Woohoo! There are even
plans for hiring bouncers I'm not lying).
Time: 7pm to 12mn (hopefully)
Venue capacity: 100 cool, talented, and beautiful people
Who are invited: My present students, some former students, some faculty, friends (Dr. VillaseƱor may give the opening remarks. Her daughter is my Chem 16 student)
Ticket cost: Probably P200. I
have to raise the cost because there is a large demand for drinks (and
they're in no way very cheap you know). Quality food may even raise the
cost higher (depends on how many will come)
Publicity: tarp(s) will be made
featuring the album cover (naks!), pictures of the performers and other
students. This may also serve as the backdrop for the stage. Tickets
will be provided before hand. Announcements, text brigades, for former
students.
Food: Light food like finger
foods, snacks? (we'll be dancing anyway) It is suggested that we eat a
heavy dinner before going to the event. I'm thinking of Friuli for
pasta and pizza (cheaper but very good quality)
Drinks: Budget emphasis on
alcoholic drinks (You can eat anywhere. Not the same for drinking) Open
bar type. I will probably hire Julian (if he's available) to serve the
drinks. Blue-colored drinks a must!
Attire: anything (some performers might opt to wear costumes) "The Ice" t-shirt idea also considered
Program: Daring games
(suggested from survey). For the main album launch, all songs from the
album will be played in order of their lineup in the CD, and each will
be performed by me and my current students. It depends on the students'
style on how they will perform the song (real singing, lipsync,
dancing, chorvaness, etc!). Dancefloor is open while performances are
going on. Idea of awarding the best performance, to be determined by
neutral guests. After, dancing and drinking til you drop. Last,
album-giving and crying. Also, speeches galore.
Music: Songs requested by students

Well... I hope this event does push through and I expect we'll be
having loads of fun that night. It is a better alternative to going
out. At least, with this event, we'll be able to get what we want and
we will not be bothered by other people. An event of our own and in the
heart of it all is "The Ice", a tribute to coolness, chillness, and
having good clean fun. A musical testament to the good things in life!

See you there!



Monday, March 3, 2008

In the NIght

11pm. I was walking along the corporate streets behind SM Megamall. From a stranger's point of view, it might seem that I knew where I was going. I had this purposeful stride and a determined look on my face. But I was lost. I should have asked her for directions to EDSA, but she appeared to be in a hurry. I walked out of the elevator alone among corporate people, and surreptitiously looked around for that blue SM sign.



It's strange. I don't know how it is about other people but I like to pretend that I always know where I'm going. It could have been simpler to ask for directions from people I don't know instead of roaming around aimlessly. I don't like feeling helpless. I don't like talking to strangers. I don't like feeling I am stupid. So I kept walking, not even bothering to slow down my steps even if I might be going in the opposite direction.



I was lucky though. I was heading in the right direction after all. And there were signs. It occured to me then, how that experience was akin to real life. When I'm in a pickle, luck and signs (and a sense of direction) help me along the way. Predictably, I solved my own predicament on my own.



***



My Starbucks venti was on my left hand. My cig on my right. My ass was rubbing the plastic stool beside the service elevator of the corporate building where she works at night. I was talking with Rhay. My eyes were on the table.



Sometimes, talking with Rhay brings me down. She makes me feel inadequate. I know it's because she's already rather rich. She is able to give lots of money to her family. And it doesn't help that it was just two years ago when we were still rather on the same financial level.



But I am not envious of her. She deserves her wealth. She's been working really hard. She told me she's planning to take her mom on a visit to Malaysia.



It made me think.



I told her I have other goals right now. I told her I'm not aiming for money right now. I am satisfied with my life. But I'm not earning enough for my family. I can't feed them all, yet.



I told her that sometimes I think of being totally independent of my family. I told her that they weigh me down. Here I was, nailing my seminar, winning "That's My Prof", my album on the way to its launch, and then my mom will text me if I will go home since my dad is sick and that they don't even have money for rice.



I told Rhay that money is not on my agenda at present. Right now, I said, I want to fulfill my emotional needs. I am completing my own person before I proceed to other stuff. Why do my parents' mistakes have to be passed on to me? It was their fault they are where they are right now. I've been successful on my own. They are not my responsibility. I'm not ready to feed three adult mouths.



Pero ikaw na talaga, she said.



My eyes landed on the table.



***



I was thinking of writing this entry on my way home. I was thinking of what I will name this entry, looking absently through the bus' window. I was thinking of how I'd like the ride to never end, going through towns, the view always changing, lights zooming past but never stopping.



I was thinking about endings.



I was thinking about getting older.



I was thinking about being unselfish.



The end of my era, my world, my music is sadly approaching.