One time I was standing along Vito Cruz and it was raining a bit and I was really down at that time so my mind had to keep on sliding against thinking about the things which hurt me and I thought of how excited I'd be to wake up from this world and to find out that it was all just a program of sorts. That everything was all in my head after all and that everything wasn't real after all. I kept thinking how glad I'd be then when the truth is I wouldn't even know what exists beyond this so I can't even be sure whether normal emotions exist there so I don't know anymore maybe I simply wanted all of these to end that if life were a Gameboy I would have long smashed the reset button.
And I hate it that Heisenberg's Uncertainty Principle, though I understand now that it really works on everything, somehow works on me in an exponential way since the moment that I've analyzed myself, I'm already at a different position and situation and I may know who I am at the moment but I wouldn't know where I'm heading. Or I may know where I'm heading but I wouldn't know who I am at that moment. And it's just crazy of me to bother about such things when most people could do without thinking too much about these things. Hell, most people don't even know about Heisenberg's Uncertainty Principle. And they're fine and happy and living well.
And I don't know what it is about existentialism since the more I learned about it, the less I cared about my own existence. And the few times that I do make myself care, I only wanted to be happy. And I find it curious that I may possibly be both a nihilist and a hedonist at the same time. Maybe the complete absence of everything is the ultimate pleasure? Hell, that does not even make sense.
Everything is really all in my head and how can I focus on anything really when I keep thinking how ultimately useless everything is. How futile all of our lives are and I could cry and gnash my teeth and tear my hair all I want and nothing's gonna change that. And I used to be all for ideals but then I realized that this really is a world ruled by injustices and silliness and maybe we're the ones who are wrong and all the Lannisters had been right all along.
And then I think about love and evolution and I look around at all these "happy" couples and I feel a bit bad that those who cheated, those who lied, they are the ones who are enjoying stable relationships when we who were true. We who held on to honor, we were always the ones who were spurned and no wonder the hopeless romantics are dwindling since we're being culled and evolution cares for nothing but itself. The selfish will always win. The selfish will get to spread their genes. And maybe we are wrong to care about laws and justice and human rights. Maybe it's all about selfishness after all. If we were to look at life from that perspective then the Lannisters win. And they've been winning all along come to think of it.
And through it all, what I've always wanted was your hand. Just your hand. Just stand with me and hold my hand and in my head you'll be my all and things will be alright again. And in my head I can make people care and in my head I can make people understand so maybe I'll just stay here in my head and in my head I'm alright. In my head I'm spanking fine and all of you are the ones who are crazy!
