Bisexuality 101

I have been thinking lately about what the biological purpose of homsexuality and bisexuality is, and after doing some research, I have actually found that it is very prevalent among animals (and I'm not just referring to hermaphroditic species.) It seems that nature uses bisexuality in order to control the animal population. For example, hormone levels, depending on the season will encourage an animal to mate with either the same or the opposite sex. There are other cases wherein some animals simply choose to mate with those of the same sex even if the opposite sex is available.

[Sidenote: R. C.'s will really find it difficult to dodge this attack on their narrow beliefs]

Wikipedia mentions some bisexual history, including those of Japan and Greece. Spartans were actually encouraged to develop homosexual relationships while young, believing that "love" with each other will enhance their battling abilities. And in Japan, there's a practice called sho-something (I forgot) wherein a young man entertains an older man. There's even a jar relic from Greece depicting a man about to have sex with another man while another man watches (Wikipedia will satisfy your curiosity.)

Anyway, here's a sort of Q & A I got from the net. Maybe this will open your minds a li'l bit more. I find this really enlightening myself:

What’s Your "Bi-Q"?

Many of us who are straight, gay or lesbian have limited knowledge of what it really means to be bisexual. Unfortunately we have all received lots of inaccurate information or no information at all about bisexuality. Here are some commonly asked questions with answers by the Bisexual Resource Center (www.biresouce.org).

Q: So what exactly is a Bisexual? A: A Bisexual is someone who is sexually and emotionally attracted to men or women (and some would say to all genders).

Q: So they're equally interested in men and women?
A: Not necessarily. Some are, some aren't. Some say they're attracted to men and women in different ways, others say gender just isn't relevant to who they're interested in.

Q: Doesn't being interested in both genders mean they're only half as interested in either?
A: Most Bisexuals will probably say that when they're interested in someone, they're interested in them 100%.

Q: Aren't people really either heterosexual or homosexual?
A: No. It's well recognized in medical and psychological circles that bisexuality is a very real and genuine sexuality. But anyway, there are plenty of Bisexuals around who can tell you that.

Q: Isn't it just a phase?
A: No more than being heterosexual or homosexual is.

Q: But isn't it a transition to being lesbian or gay?
A: Maybe for some people. Some lesbians or gay men "come out" as Bisexual first, but most Bisexuals remain bisexual for the rest of their lives.

Q: But surely they're just confused, they haven't made up their minds yet?
A: Don't make the mistake of assuming there are only 2 options to choose from. Bisexuality is an option in its own right. A lack of information about Bisexuality is probably the cause of most confusion a bisexual might feel.

Q: Didn't Freud think we're all Bisexual?
A: Not quite - Freud thought we were all born Bisexual, and may develop a preference later in life. No one is really quite sure about this, but most people have had at least some feeling for both genders at some stage in their lives.

Q: Suppose I have - does that mean I'm bisexual too?
A: Strictly speaking, maybe. But what you call yourself is up to you. Some may feel the attraction they feel for one gender isn't enough to call themselves Bisexual. Some people have other reasons for not identifying as Bisexual, as well.

Q: Like what?
A: Some people may want to feel "normal" and think of themselves as heterosexual. Others for political or social reasons may wish to identify with the Lesbian & Gay communities.

Q: Doesn't the term "Lesbian & Gay" include "Bisexual" as well?
A: That's a hot issue for some people. Some people think so, but there are plenty (bisexual and otherwise) who disagree. Lesbians fought for the right to be explicitly named, because they felt invisible. That battle is still going on for Bisexuals.

Q: So why aren't the Bisexuals more visible?
A: Well, no-one walks around with "Bisexual" stamped on their foreheads. It's very easy to miss them. If you see 2 people of the same gender kissing, you don't think to ask if they might be bisexual. And they might be. Similarly, if you see a man and a woman kissing, either of them might be bisexual, too.

Also, there's a real lack of information about bisexuality in our libraries and the media. And there are very few organizations that specifically address Bisexual issues. Some bisexual people have felt as if no-one knows they even exist.

Q: Haven't they received a lot of publicity for spreading AIDS?
A: Bisexuals have been targeted as scapegoats by people who think of AIDS as being a "Gay disease." Bisexuals are thought to be a "bridge" group between the heterosexual and homosexual communities.

Let's get things straight (forgive the pun). One thing spreads AIDS: taking someone else's bodily fluids (like blood or semen) into your body. The AIDS virus neither knows nor cares what your sexuality is. Safe sex will go a long way towards helping stop the spread of AIDS, and everyone - bisexual, straight, or whatever - needs to pay attention to that.

***

I saw a shirt once saying "Smile if you're gay". Haha. But I wasn't brave enough to wear that. And I still am not. But I am satisfied with how I express myself at present.

The Fire Escape

These days, the faculty room is agog with piles of exams, postlabs, formal reports to check. Stress levels are high. Instructors cramming for the deadline for the submission of grades, their hands smudged with red ink. Microsoft Excel in laptops wherever you turn. Instructors making exams, shuffling through books and piles of notes and previous exams, debating with each other about how difficult or how easy the exam should be. Instructors themselves studying for their own masterals exams. So much paper everywhere that it appears I can almost swim in a pool of lab reports.

My table is undoubtedly a mess. In fact, it's the messiest one in the faculty room at the moment. Towers of old papers piled so high I'm in danger of being crushed beneath them. Farewell tokens given to me by my students in danger of being lost beneath the dust. I've jokingly told my colleagues that there might already be living things (cats or some other) housed underneath all my stuff, and that if I suddenly vanish, it means that I simply got lost among my things.

Always, I've set myself a date when I'd clean and sort all those papers but I just can't have the heart to rummage through my past students' lab notebooks and papers. Foolish. I don't want to be overwhelmed by flashbacks and memories. I can't throw them away. Somehow, it seems better to just let them lie there, though I know sooner or later, I really have to organize my things.

So many papers for me to check. So many tasks and duties. So many responsibilities. So many names... and memories. Gone.

Amidst the busyness of my colleagues and the clutter of my own table, I found myself walking through the back of the faculty room. I unlocked the barred forgotten door and walked out into the open air. I was again, on my own in my special place. The secret fire escape.

I rummaged through my pockets and brought out my smokes and my lighter. Smoking has been forbidden in UP, and it has become increasingly difficult to obtain smokes much less to smoke in the places I used to frequent. I lit a stick of my staple Marlboro Menthol and inhaled the smoke, hoping to be relieved of my present worries. With my earphones on, my relaxation was complete. A sigh of contentment escaped me as I listened to music from my albums, My Own Radio. A simple pleasure I enjoy fully.

"It's Britney, bitch..." my Walkman fone told me.

I smiled and stared at the sky as I momentarily forgot about my duties, alone in my own haven, cigarette smoke coming up in spirals and swirls around me.

On the other side of the wall, time continued to pass.

The Best of Dusk at Red Island

I can die anytime, any day. But I don't want my ideas, my thoughts, my stories, and the lessons I've learned to die with me. I want to leave them behind because I want to leave a mark of my existence in this world. I want to make a difference, no matter how little that might be. I want to record my life while I can.

Maybe, somebody may learn something from my stories, my experiences. Somebody may be touched. Somebody may relate to it. Somebody may be inspired, and be changed or stay the same. When I die, somebody might take after me, and continue this blog.

Today, I am celebrating this blog's 2nd Anniversary. This is a really special event for me because this blog, "Dusk at Red Island", as I've already mentioned in some of my earlier entries, is already a big part of me.

Over the last year, I've undergone several drastic changes in my life. It was baby's year. I was much happier with him with me, so I was able to shift my concerns to other issues like my family, and my personality. The problems I've had with my sexuality, or my angst angainst society's unfair treatment has been diminished by a slowly dawning acceptance of myself.

Lovewise, this blogyear featured quite a large number of loveydovey entries for my baby. Though I still wrote some entries about Hunter, they diminished towards the last quarter of the blogyear. There were also entries about the short summer "fling" which was Alpha, as well as a couple about Chiyo and even ChieChie, who by-the-by, is now married.

Blog Statistics:

Overall number of entries (including this): 224
Entries for this blog year (including this): 101
Average rate: 8.3 entries a month
Overall number of comments (excluding my own): 354

Entries with most number of comments this blogyear (excluding my own ones):

Please feel free to read these entries by simply clicking on the title.

"Alpha" 13 comments
About how a person who looks like someone else can make it harder for you to forget.

"GF2BF" 7 comments
Hey grandma, this is my new love. He's a guy.

"Exam Blues" 7 comments
A typical UP entry.

"D the Dermatologist" 7 comments
Confidence and vanity.

"Ang Krimen" 7 comments
Having your fone snatched... the third time.

"Sana" 7 comments
When the person you've wanted for the longest time suddenly sits beside you on a jeepney ride.

"Zukkyun: Alpha 2" 7 comments
(Description given below) Mabenta talaga ang alpha entries.

BEST ENTRIES PER MONTH

2006
October: "AloHOMOra!"
My funniest entry to date. For mature readers only though. It's about sexualizing the Harry Potter series. Hehe.

November: "One Click"
One of my favorite love entries of all time. This summarizes everything about what happened between me and Hunter and how everything went to an end with just one click.

December: "A Reason For Religion"
A mind-opening entry about death and religion set on a funeral of a relative I hardly knew.

2007
January: "The Count's Tale Epilogue: An Eye For An Eye"
The epilogue which came six months after the last chapter of my first attempt at a fiction series. I got more praise for this entry after I have printed it and given copies to my friends last month. A fitting end, though tragic.

February: "Paglimot"
Ouch. How bitter and hurt can I get more with this one? Emo to the nth level (but with a cause). I highly recommend this one.

March: "Paano Maglaro ng Frisbee"
About me and my students. Our special relationship symbolized by a frisbee game played in Sunken Garden.

April: "Sundo"
A story about waiting for your loved one, set in a train station and the things you realize in between arrival and departure. One of my better-inspired entries.

May: "Zukkyun: Alpha 2"
About growing up and facing the truth. Learning the hard way that no matter how you make yourself (or others) believe, some things can never come true.

June: "Sa Motel 2: With Love"
An... educational story. No need to say more. And don't ask for Part 1 that's way funnier than this!

July: "Day of Days"
Written while I was drunk, this tells about one of the best days of my life - touching most issues which define who I am today.

August: "Ruins"
There is no place like home. Probably because no single place can describe your family better than your own place. Here's what happened to ours.

September: "Breeze"
A simply-told tale about independence and how it makes you vulnerable. How who you are now is shaped by what has happened to you in the past.

Another year has passed. Another year of getting older, taller in more ways. It's one of the advantages of being a regular blogger/writer - you can really see how much you've grown. You can look back, and compare yourself to who you are right now.

I've been lucky to live this long, and I will continue to value my remaining days by recording my life, be it through my albums or through this blog.

Thank you everyone.

I'm A Shark

This entry is made for more personal uses. I just had to post this here. This was taken from a test I took in www.web.tickle.com. I like this because the result fits me to my toenails.

How You Approach Life
You, Shark, are a savvy adventurer bent on the path to success. You work hard in your outgoing way to make things happen. You have a lot of energy, like to think in the abstract and tend to focus on how you can move up in the world.

You've got a robust love of life that draws people to you and you have a killer instinct people both fear and respect. Your mantra is "work hard, play hard" and your innate magnetism helps camouflage any minor flaws you might have. Everywhere you go, people think you're important — they can't help it, you just carry yourself that way. Because of this, you care about your appearance, too. After all, it's a direct reflection of both who you are and how successful you are.

You live life for the moment and it shows. You're extroverted and love being in the spotlight. People admire your personality — particularly because beyond your smarts, you're flexible and friendly.

Professionally, you manage yourself well, are innovative, and are a great self-starter. That makes sense since above all, you want to make sure that you reach your goals quickly so you can set new ones.
Keep at it, Shark. You're on the path to a wonderful life. In fact, you might already have one.

How Others See You
People see you as down to earth with a free spirit. You convey your genuineness to others with your ability to focus on what counts — you are not easily swayed by superficial things. You also don't act in fake ways to “get ahead” or to look better than others. People notice that about you and appreciate it. People intuitively trust you with their secrets. They can see that you are not judgmental, and that appeals to many. You are open and free, yet grounded in the things that really matter.

Communication Style
You enjoy conversations that are lighthearted, pleasant and agreeable. Low-key connections with like-minded people are one of life's pleasures for you. You sometimes are baffled by the fact that some people intentionally pick arguments. How can they be so sure of themselves when every issue has so many aspects? You would never want to come across as so aggressive. You especially don't like domineering, blaming people.

Your Romantic Life
You have high standards for love, believing in one love that outshines the others. To you, successful romance has two aspects: an emotional connection based on mutual care, and doing things together that you and your partner both love. You're happy with someone who enjoys the unexpected as much as you do. You'll both be excited at the prospect of situations with an unknown outcome. You and your well-suited mate enjoy high quality conversation and fulfilling experiences together. You are deep, sincere and willing to take emotional risks. You succeed in romance when you use your intuition and intelligence to choose someone whose compatibility with you goes deeper than the surface.

You At Your Best
When you're in the presence of others who care about you, you relax and really shine. Supportive, safe interactions with people who believe in you are an important step in your unfolding path towards more confidence. You'll thrive in atmospheres that are calm and quiet. When you feel soothed, you can tune into your real thoughts and reactions. By creating a peaceful environment for yourself, and by slowly building up your confidence, you will be able to enter the world more fully and share the amazing person you are.

Achieving Success
You are capable of more than you think. At this point, your most important task is to explore just where your greatest talents lie. You're not prone to care a whole lot about getting ahead of the game or looking good in an expensive car. You're looking for other kinds of success. So cast a wide net as you try out possible jobs, activities, and areas of interest. You're bound to learn a lot about yourself, the world and what excites you. Keep an open mind, a positive outlook, and above all, don't sell yourself short. Armed with self-knowledge and a good attitude, there's nothing you can't do.

What Really Motivates You
For you, the chase is the reward. You are motivated by challenge, excitement, the chance to test your obviously ample abilities — and to get that coveted adrenaline rush in the process. You love to use your mind, so you're always looking for your next learning opportunity. If you know that a challenge includes difficult, abstract thinking, you're intrigued and enticed. Motivation for you is inspiration. There's no end to the energy you'll find when given the latitude to pursue your dreams creatively.

Conflict
Conflicts are fairly rare for you, but the ones you have are emotionally difficult and personally disruptive for you. This is because you have a natural ability to rise above petty issues, leaving conflicts and problems for the issues that really matter. So, when something is bothering you, it taxes you on a deep level and you feel that the stakes of resolving the issue are high. It's not surprising that you tend to become worried and preoccupied until the problem is solved.

Getting Unstuck in Your Life
Gradual change is the best way for you to move out of stuck or uncomfortable places in your life. Build your confidence by working on one or two relationships that already feel fairly secure. Look for ways that you are comfortable, areas of life where your footing feels sure. Start to reach out from there and take some chances. You are likely to find yourself frustrated and disappointed if you make sudden or dramatic changes, putting pressure on yourself to make sweeping transformations. Better to nurture yourself gently, using slow and steady movement. That way, once you get where you're headed, you'll feel at ease and authentically there.

***

Tests like these are so refreshing. I like it when someone understands me so well - even if it is only a personality test.

Music Update: Reasons to Listen to "Reason"

The embodiment of Electrique Records, Sir Bry Aldasiel was given an ambush interview by Rioters as he was making emote near UP Diliman's Sunken Garden. As expected, he was smoking and listening to music while looking at his surroundings in a trance-like manner induced by too much smoking.

Q: Mr. Aldasiel, what can your listeners expect from your 9th album, "Reason"?

A: There's a lot of maturity in this album. Each song has an independent feel. They contain themselves, whether they be happy or sad ones.

Q: What is this album's theme, if there is any?

A: Basically, the album is about letting go of someone you have held on to for so long. The album illustrates this point very effectively, in my opinion.

Q: Were you influenced by personal experiences in the making of this album?

A: Yes. I have always made my albums personal. You should know that.

Q: Would you like to share that particular experience?

A: In essence, it is about myself. About how I let go of this person, who for a long time has resided in a special place in my heart. It's about me and him. Hunter.

Q: Intriguing. So does this mean that the album will be dominated by sad love songs?

A: Sad songs yes, but not your typical love songs. Of all my albums, this is the one which contains the most number of unreleased and relatively unheard of songs. I've done a lot of researching to come up with the songs in this collection. At the most, my average listener will be familiar with only two or three songs.

Q: Wow. So this will be dominated by really new songs. How do you expect your listeners to react to that?

A: My greatest fear about this album is that I'm afraid my listeners will get bored with it since most songs are slow and trance-like, and they are unfamiliar with them. Unlike my last two albums, this doesn't have as many catchy rhythms. There's a sort of a dark magical feel throughout the album which makes it impossible to include "dancey" or groovy tracks.

Q: "Light" was an immediate success because it was very easy to listen to, the type of album you can play everyday and make you feel great. It was so light. Most critics say that that was its strength. What is "Reason"'s?

A: Its maturity. There are songs in my previous albums, which after some time, I regret to have included in the collection. For this one, all songs glow with a certain "classy style".This album's target audience is the slightly older ones. Those who are really into music. Only those people, I think, can appreciate the album fully.

Q: Have you given advanced copies to your close friends? If so, what were their reactions?

A: Some said it was, indeed, my most mature album. They enjoyed it, though some wouldn't say it was my best one. One of those who got advanced copies told me that she liked "Forca" better, although that is understandable since she hasn't listened to the albums that well yet. "Forca" is catchier, and will get immediate fans. "Reason" is the type of album which grows on you, and hence will be remembered longer than my other albums. That is, if they listen to it often enough.

Q: Were you satisfied by the final lineup? I've heard that initially you've encountered difficulties in this one.

A: My first problem was that I was trying to stick to a theme which will unify all tracks and that was a problem then, because the tracks are yet to be trimmed down. I've done my best with the final list and I am satisfied with it. I got help from my friends in choosing the final songs. They made it easier for me to eliminate songs.

Q: Can you say that this is your best effort to date?

A: I am not sure. I think my other albums were really good too. But if I were asked to pick my top three albums, I'd definitely include "Reason".

Q: What would the other two be?

A: "Lovely" and "Light".

Q: Last question, why name the album "Reason"? Is there a particular track where the title came from?

A: No, there are no title tracks. I think there isn't even a song with the word "reason" in the lyrics. I've thought of the title some months ago. It just came to my mind. It is a word with many meanings. There are many reasons why I called it "Reason", and I'll leave the listener to figure it out.

***

"REASON" will be released this Sunday, 30 September 2007. Ask for copies now if you're interested. Five free copies left to give away. These copies are, of course, not very easy to make, so please avail of the copies only if you're really interested in the album. Make sure that you will give the album justice and not just leave it lying around covered in dust.

Solemate

"Reason", my 9th album is to be released this Sunday. I'm listening to it right now to get myself in the mood for writing this entry.

It will always be one of my peculiarities I guess - making albums for my friends/students. I haven't met anyone who does this regularly, and distributes them to as many people as I do. Makes a big fuss about it like I do.

Making albums makes me sad in some ways. It makes me realize how lonely I am in this world. How one of a kind I am. How freaky I am. Sometimes it feels good - to realize that there's no out there like you but...

You know, sometimes when you're walking around the campus and you're thinking how come you haven't met that person who is so much like you. How come I haven't met that person whom I can share everything I think of, who will not laugh at my crazy ideas, who will be genuinely interested in my writing, my albums, my thoughts, my feelings. Someone who really gets me 100% all the time.

Your soulmate.

How come I haven't met my soulmate yet?

It just makes me sad, you know. Like after all this time, deep inside, I know that I am still very lonely since I am not able to share all my special thoughts to someone who really understands me. Someone made of the same dark deep emo stuff I am made of.

Is there someone like me out there?

But despite this lonely feeling, I know that there are a lot of peole who cares for me out there. I have a lot of real friends spread out in the universe.

Maybe if I sum them up together, I'll get to know my soulmate. Like parts of my soulmate reside inside my friends.

Like Horcruxes.

So I should kill them all then? Haha crazy.

Still, this doesn't change the fact that 22 years of living hasn't brought anybody completely inside my imaginary world.

Maybe my brother would have. If he was still around.

Hell this made me sad.

Weeds

I am walking through the garden in my mind. There are weeds. I look at them and I pull them up. They keep springing and I keep pulling them up. I have to do that occasionally, otherwise my garden will be outgrown by them.

I asked god to help me clear them up. I asked god, but he wouldn't answer. He wouldn't answer. So I have to work by myself and keep pulling them up occasionally.

I am tired. I get tired. Because new weeds keep springing up. It's something I have no control of. I pull the weeds. Because I have to and I need to.

I am waiting for god's answer. I am waiting, although I know he wouldn't answer me. It just hurts me really bad when here I am, just wishing to fix things up - make my garden weed-free. All good intentions. And god doesn't acknowledge it. I am a worm in his eyes. And a worm is how I feel whenever he does that to me.

I keep pulling weeds, they don't have a place in my garden. I pull them up. I pull them, and I am so tired it makes me cry. I am so tired because I have to keep a straight face as I pull weeds in my garden. I am so tired, and I don't learn enough. I know tomorrow my garden will be weed-free. Tonight there might be weeds. Tomorrow there will be none. Time is my friend. But when they're here I pull them up because that is what I should do.

Somebody told me that I should pick the weeds and keep the flowers. Somebody told me that. Sometimes I agree. Sometimes I ask myself why I should keep the flowers in the first place.

I pull the weeds. I pull the weeds. I pull the weeds so I can think of nothing else. So I can feel nothing else. I pull them, and I get so tired it makes me cry. My tears fall on the ground and new weeds spring up before my eyes, absorbing my fallen tears. I pull them out and stop my crying.

I wish I were somewhere else, far away from here.

I went inside the house in my mind, and came back carrying flowers. I throw them away on the ground since they're not worth keeping.

The next day I found weeds growing from the dead flowers.

I pulled them up. And I asked god again to stop them from coming. I know he wouldn't answer, but I'm hoping he'll relent.

And I'm still waiting. Still waiting as new weeds spring up before my eyes. I pull them. And I am so tired, but I pull them.

I pull them.

I pull them.

I pull them because I don't have any other choice.

And I am so tired. I am so tired.

But I pull them.

I pull the weeds. I pull the flowers.