Once upon a time, there was a man who fell in love with a boy. It was the first time such a thing ever happened to the man, and in his confusion, he bungled up what friendship he and the boy had. The boy, perhaps not knowing what he did, hated the man and began to avoid him and then finally learned to forget. The man grieved for the loss of his first boy-love and after three years of reaching out, the boy finally agreed to talk to the man. It was a happy ending of a sort.
Months after the renewed "friendship", the man fell in love again with another boy. This time, it was deeper. This time, it was more intense. It was the most intense feeling the man had ever felt and he ruined his life just to be able to get closer to that boy. But everything went wrong - so wrong towards the end and nobody in this world knows the complete ugly details of how the boy wronged the man. That was how bad it was. A man was broken and a boy walks free from justice.
***
From the first tale to the last, this blog was the sole record of the important happenings in my life. It was only four years ago when I first wrote my entry but now, the weight of those additional years is upon me. I feel more experienced. I feel more mature. I feel old. Old enough to stop my manic writing.
Because I've finally reached my goal of self-realization. I know myself better.
Now, I prefer to just read and look back on who I was then.
I admit that it is scary - this growing old. It makes you wonder what other problems would come. But no matter, I know I'm ready.
I took notes while I could.
Thursday, December 18, 2008
Thursday, October 23, 2008
Something Hardens
I've been teaching chemistry for the fourth year now and through those semesters I have developed a teaching style which I've proven to be fun and effective - based on my students' replies. If you've been my student, as the majority of my Multiply and Friendster contacts are, then you will understand what I'm talking about. But this past semester was different.
I have always taken a private pride in my SET scores, and though I might not get the highest score in the whole Institute, I am pleased whenever I get at least an average rating. Students may not realize this but some teachers really take those SET's very seriously. I am one of them. I like my job that's why, and every semester I try to do something new in order to improve my teaching skills based on the SET feedback.
This semester was the beginning of a big change in Chem 16 as it heralded the use of bigger classes. Instead of the usual 40 or so students, lecture classes have been expanded into accomodating up to 80 students separated into four lab sections. It was an experiment for the whole Institute, since from my knowledge, this hasn't happened in Chem classes before (except perhaps for CWTS). I was under a lot of pressure especially since I was assigned as the Chem 16 lecture coordinator (which reminds that I have yet to make the removal exam tsk tsk).
Anyway, I was lucky to have really great lab instructors "under" me. With the three of them (I was handling one of the lab sections), we made Chem 16 into Potions 16 and divided the class into the four Hogwarts houses. I had a lot of fun, as I usually do in Chem 16, and it's mostly because of my very cooperative colleagues. Our semender party was a blast! From the thank you's and love I was getting from my Potions 16 students, I thought I did a great job, until I saw my SET that is.
SET's weren't supposed to be given this early yet but we were allowed to have temporary copies of them during an evaluation meeting. I do not mean to brag but I am pleased to have a high score, considering that I'm taking the average of about 80 students here. I read the comments and was glad at the usual heartwarming ones. There were bad comments in which I had no control like making the class smaller, going on trips, etc, And to my very ill surprise, I read this one comment about how the course can be improved saying: "It's stupid! Teach in a way all students can relate to." Or something nearly like that.
This comment wasn't detailed but I suppose this had something to do with the Harry Potter theme or my relaxed teaching style or my openness about myself. I think it's the former though. I also believe that this same student was the only one who marked me as "one of the worst" UP teachers he/she has ever had. And that was only about the second or third time I was marked as that.
It really breaks my heart to hear such things from my students. It really does, considering that I do my best to make them understand not only the lessons but why I'm digressing and other stuff.
I was having this conversation through text with one my students just this past semester and she shared her views about this saying that I care too much about what other people say, that if I believe that I'm doing the right thing why should it bother me, and that the students are entitled to their opinions.
What surprised me here is not the comment itself actually but that there are really some "unkind" students out there. Ever since, I've given my best whenever my students need extra help - I can go out of my way just to make them learn as long as they have the initiative to ask - and yet some students can really go on and hurt your feelings despite everything you've done for them. Some still do not understand no matter how you try to explain and make things clear. And I did explain! My Potions 16 students cannot gainsay me in that.
It bothered me a lot, so much so that I pondered on changing my style this coming semester. I thought of how I'd teach my subject without making it fun or without making friends with my students. I thought of giving my next students all work and no time for reflections on life and love. I will give them no albums. I will arrange them no semender party. I will make them forget me. Maybe if I did that, nobody will call me stupid anymore?
I want to break the norm, I told the student I was chatting with. I want to teach more than chemistry and I want to be an example.
And then she told me hours later, as an "aftertext", that if I were to break the norm about students and teachers then I should be strong. How can I do that if with one harsh criticism I break down to pieces?
That was when it hit me - she was absolutely right. She got it. I know I cannot please everybody with my personality. I suppose some really do hate me for whatever reasons they may have. But as long as I believe I am doing nothing wrong and the majority of my class agrees with me and benefits from my way of teaching, I should push through with what I am doing.
I realized it just now. I thought teaching would be a breeze. I thought that, with my style, I will encounter no barriers. Well, I am smarter now. I realize that I cannot win everybody's hearts. I realize that I should be thankful that at least most of my students understand me and think kindly of me. I should be thankful that I have so many friends out of my former students that it is actually very difficult now to keep in touch with ALL of them. I realize now that I should use such criticisms to make myself stronger and be a better teacher and ultimately, a better person.
I won't let that one student put me down.
I won't let that student stop me from spreading openness and awareness and clarity.
I am sorry I wasn't able to make that student comprehend my message, but that shouldn't stop me from fostering those who did.
I am a teacher.
I am a mentor.
I have a mission.
And I believe.
(BOW)
***
"Happy Teachers Day" my mom texted me earlier. How heartwarming.
A shoutout to all my past students there! I miss you all!
We may not be foremost in each other's thoughts anymore but I still remember.
I remember.
We had our days and they will always be in my heart no matter if some consider it stupid.
I have always taken a private pride in my SET scores, and though I might not get the highest score in the whole Institute, I am pleased whenever I get at least an average rating. Students may not realize this but some teachers really take those SET's very seriously. I am one of them. I like my job that's why, and every semester I try to do something new in order to improve my teaching skills based on the SET feedback.
This semester was the beginning of a big change in Chem 16 as it heralded the use of bigger classes. Instead of the usual 40 or so students, lecture classes have been expanded into accomodating up to 80 students separated into four lab sections. It was an experiment for the whole Institute, since from my knowledge, this hasn't happened in Chem classes before (except perhaps for CWTS). I was under a lot of pressure especially since I was assigned as the Chem 16 lecture coordinator (which reminds that I have yet to make the removal exam tsk tsk).
Anyway, I was lucky to have really great lab instructors "under" me. With the three of them (I was handling one of the lab sections), we made Chem 16 into Potions 16 and divided the class into the four Hogwarts houses. I had a lot of fun, as I usually do in Chem 16, and it's mostly because of my very cooperative colleagues. Our semender party was a blast! From the thank you's and love I was getting from my Potions 16 students, I thought I did a great job, until I saw my SET that is.
SET's weren't supposed to be given this early yet but we were allowed to have temporary copies of them during an evaluation meeting. I do not mean to brag but I am pleased to have a high score, considering that I'm taking the average of about 80 students here. I read the comments and was glad at the usual heartwarming ones. There were bad comments in which I had no control like making the class smaller, going on trips, etc, And to my very ill surprise, I read this one comment about how the course can be improved saying: "It's stupid! Teach in a way all students can relate to." Or something nearly like that.
This comment wasn't detailed but I suppose this had something to do with the Harry Potter theme or my relaxed teaching style or my openness about myself. I think it's the former though. I also believe that this same student was the only one who marked me as "one of the worst" UP teachers he/she has ever had. And that was only about the second or third time I was marked as that.
It really breaks my heart to hear such things from my students. It really does, considering that I do my best to make them understand not only the lessons but why I'm digressing and other stuff.
I was having this conversation through text with one my students just this past semester and she shared her views about this saying that I care too much about what other people say, that if I believe that I'm doing the right thing why should it bother me, and that the students are entitled to their opinions.
What surprised me here is not the comment itself actually but that there are really some "unkind" students out there. Ever since, I've given my best whenever my students need extra help - I can go out of my way just to make them learn as long as they have the initiative to ask - and yet some students can really go on and hurt your feelings despite everything you've done for them. Some still do not understand no matter how you try to explain and make things clear. And I did explain! My Potions 16 students cannot gainsay me in that.
It bothered me a lot, so much so that I pondered on changing my style this coming semester. I thought of how I'd teach my subject without making it fun or without making friends with my students. I thought of giving my next students all work and no time for reflections on life and love. I will give them no albums. I will arrange them no semender party. I will make them forget me. Maybe if I did that, nobody will call me stupid anymore?
I want to break the norm, I told the student I was chatting with. I want to teach more than chemistry and I want to be an example.
And then she told me hours later, as an "aftertext", that if I were to break the norm about students and teachers then I should be strong. How can I do that if with one harsh criticism I break down to pieces?
That was when it hit me - she was absolutely right. She got it. I know I cannot please everybody with my personality. I suppose some really do hate me for whatever reasons they may have. But as long as I believe I am doing nothing wrong and the majority of my class agrees with me and benefits from my way of teaching, I should push through with what I am doing.
I realized it just now. I thought teaching would be a breeze. I thought that, with my style, I will encounter no barriers. Well, I am smarter now. I realize that I cannot win everybody's hearts. I realize that I should be thankful that at least most of my students understand me and think kindly of me. I should be thankful that I have so many friends out of my former students that it is actually very difficult now to keep in touch with ALL of them. I realize now that I should use such criticisms to make myself stronger and be a better teacher and ultimately, a better person.
I won't let that one student put me down.
I won't let that student stop me from spreading openness and awareness and clarity.
I am sorry I wasn't able to make that student comprehend my message, but that shouldn't stop me from fostering those who did.
I am a teacher.
I am a mentor.
I have a mission.
And I believe.
(BOW)
***
"Happy Teachers Day" my mom texted me earlier. How heartwarming.
A shoutout to all my past students there! I miss you all!
We may not be foremost in each other's thoughts anymore but I still remember.
I remember.
We had our days and they will always be in my heart no matter if some consider it stupid.
Friday, August 8, 2008
Precipice
And so I've proven it haven't I? That you really didn't love me as much as you thought you did.
Of course I'm going to write nonsense stuff in here. Do you think I'll admit it to the whole wide fucking world that I'm barely surviving without you?
I hope you're doing this for a damn good reason. I hope you're not playing with my feelings. I hope you're not blindly following what other people told you. If you think we're over, tell it to me. Tell me I'd never reply to you again. Tell me you'd never want to see me again. You and your talk of openness. Who's the one being left in the dark now?
At least I was honest to you. I was clear in my intentions. I told you I needed to go away because I wanted to know how I really feel for you. It didn't take me long really to find that out but I kept my control because I wanted to be sure. I didn't want this to happen again. I told you, this is for the best of our relationship.
And when I realized that there was no point in prolonging this issue - when I realized that maybe you're hurting like me - that's when I tried to communicate with you but then you never replied.
I'll give you a day. If you changed your number, I think I deserve to know the new one. You should have told me, as a matter of courtesy.
I'll give you a day. If you don't reply then perhaps this is it.
Don't dismiss me for the sake of dismissing me. Don't hurt me just because you want to get even. Don't make me run to you just for the sake of making me run - is that your idea of love? If it comes true from your heart then I'll accept it.
Just tell me when it's over. Give me the clarity that I gave you. Just that, so I'll know the next thing I'll do.
Because I don't want to be here in this state anymore, and that's why I texted you in the first place.
Tuesday, August 5, 2008
Falling Down
If fears what makes us decide,
Our future journey,
I'm not along for the ride,
Cuz I'm still learning,
To try and touch the sun,
My fingers burning,
Before you're old you are young,
Yeah I'm still learning
I am falling down,
Try and stop me,
It feels so good to hit the ground,
You can watch me,
Fall right on my face,
It's an uphill human race,
and I am falling down
I'm standing out in the street,
The earth is moving,
I feel it under my feet,
And I'm still proving,
That I can stand my ground,
And my feet are there, haven't washed my hair
To be lost before you are found,
Don't mean you are losing
Some day I'll live in a house
Etc., etc., etc.
But you know that's not for now
and for now I'm falling
down...down...down...
down...down...down...
down...down...down...
Yeah e Yeah..Yeah e Yeah,
I'm falling down,
I'm falling down... I'm falling down...
I'm falling...
Feels so good to hit the ground...
I am falling
Thursday, July 31, 2008
Wearing Your Underwear (The Fun Never Stops)
WARNING: May contain adult content.
The next thing I knew I was in your house. I hardly even know your name yet and I kept on trying to recall where I saw your first (on hindsight, it was on Friendster). Everything happened so fast. From the flirting back in the jeepney, our common friends egging us on to you sitting beside me, and all of a sudden my arms were around you and yours were on mine and then we're in your room. It would've been perfect if it wasn't still daylight!
So we were there among your clutter on the floor or on the bed (I can hardly remember) and we were groping each other although I wasn't too keen on it in the beginning. One thing I clearly remember though is that even if I wasn't responsive enough, you still kept on going. I was about to tell you that I'm always like that on the first "night" so you won't be offended until your younger sister peeped in at the window!
We quickly disentangled ourselves from each other and it was a good thing (your sister's timing) that she caught us early - there was no need for more embarrassing... visions. I was shocked and I arranged my clothes quickly and watched you attend to your sister who was beginning to be rather noisy and annoying. Surprisingly, your sister didn't seem surprised at her discovery. It seemed to be normal for her catching his brother in the act and in fact, I was dumbfounded to hear your sister talking to your younger brother who came right after about you giving me a blow.
"Well," she told him, "You know what he likes - lean and fair. He's gonna give him a blow."
What a house your parents were keeping!
After a while of settling them down, you came with me inside the bathroom for some privacy to continue what we were about to do and I was already rather excited about it but then (the fun never stops) your parents came in! So you rushed out to meet them and I can hardly think of an excuse you can make up to explain why a stranger is inside their bathroom. From the narrow door opening (you didn't even close it though I was already wearing little) I saw that your parents were displeased but I was happy that at least, they didn't rush in to throw me out of the house.
It was a long time you made me wait in the bathroom and I was beginning to get cold so I decided to take a shower and that was when I discovered that I was wearing your underwear (how that happened, I can't imagine). Before I could turn on the warm water you came in and approached me and then I felt a vibration near my head which made me open my eyes
to find myself on my dorm bed on my own, bright sunlight streaming in through the window. The vibration was from my fone and I saw that (fuck!) somebody was calling me and (fuck!) it was our Director and (fuck!) we were supposed to have a meeting at 10am and (FUCK!) it was already 10:10!
Tuesday, July 29, 2008
Danger of a Loaded Gun
Night. Walking along the oval with one peso in my pocket. Mentally and emotionally drained and hadn't eaten yet except for some smokes since the day started. I wished I had my jacket on. It was cold.
A long way to go. Had no choice but to walk with one peso in my pocket. I was waiting for my body to pass out. Surely, it would be minutes from now, I thought. Surely. Surely... only if I wasn't strong enough to handle all these.
Had an exam three hours ago. Studied only for a few minutes. Wasn't in the mood to do some studying. Didn't care about it. Everything in my life seemed in tatters. Didn't care if I failed. I never really cared about grades anyway. Such a small thing compared to what really matters.
It was 1pm when I got out of bed today. I didn't go to my first MS class. I didn't go to my lunch date with my summer friends. I didn't go to the library to study (I didn't even know what the coverage of the exam was). I just didn't want to leave my bed. I just wanted to dream, even if the sunlight was making my eyes squint already.
The first thing I checked upon finally deciding to rouse myself was my fone. The usual four or five messages greeted me. But none of them was my baby's. Or Darwin's rather. No right to call him "baby" anymore, I remembered.
So he wanted to play games? I thought. So he wanted to make me run to him huh? A flicker of emotion to do exactly that, quickly ebbed into apathy. This is the end, I thought. If he's going to do this, it's the end. I didn't want to think any more about it.
To school and responsibilities. Being the Chem 16 lecture coordinator was taking its toll on me. The weight of it on my shoulders. Add the burden of my studies this sem: all of them demanding lots of time. Piles of papers on my table. Loads of quizzes to check. And oh, it was my brother's birthday, and I got an instant reminder of the financial burden my inadequate parents are passing on to me.
Last but not the least, let us not forget Baby's recent death. My ever beloved pet cat died of old age, giving me one less reason to go back to my parents'.
With these unwelcome dark clouds on my head, I went out to the fire escape to have a smoke. Can you not blame me for wanting to die early?
To th exam where I purely relied on my wits since I didn't know a fucking thing about it. To my Chemical Kinetics class where my professor gave us yet another problem set. To the ATM to withdraw some money and finally have some food in me, only to find that my salary was again delayed.
And so there I was, walking along the oval with one peso in my pocket.
No pet cat.
No refuge at home.
No break from studying forever.
No unburdening of my responsibilities at work.
No money.
No baby to go to, to hug and to kiss.
But I've got my smokes and I've got my music. I've got my friends and my students.
I've got me.
And I know I'm made of tough stuff and I'll surely get through all of this one day soon.
Tuesday, June 17, 2008
Electrique Anthology
Tracklist Legend:
Red - Song of the album
Green - Personal favorites
Blue - Significant songs
Red - Song of the album
Green - Personal favorites
Blue - Significant songs
ELEVEN Release Date: October 11, 2005
Working Title: Six Feet Under
Copies Made: 2
History: This was supposed to be for O, but he didn't show up where I was supposed to meet him so I gave this to another instead.
Why "Eleven"?: 11 tracks, given on the 11th of October, and his class number was 11
Tracklist:
01 Avril Lavigne - How Does It Feel
02 Plumb - Boys Don't Cry
03 6 Cycle Mind - Sige
04 Natalie Imbruglia - Left Of The Middle
05 Marion Raven - Six Feet Under
06 The Corrs - What Can I Do
07 Session Road - Suntok Sa Buwan
08 Westlife - Can't Lose What You Never Had
09 Simple Plan - When I'm With You
10 Avril Lavigne - Fall To Pieces
11 Sugarfree - Kuwarto
About the songs:
Too sad and unformed. Musically varied. Some songs shouldn't have been
included, but all in all, still manages to capture the feel of hopeless
love.
Too sad and unformed. Musically varied. Some songs shouldn't have been
included, but all in all, still manages to capture the feel of hopeless
love.
Rating: 2.5 out of 5
BACK FOR MORE
Release Date: November 2005
Working Title: Wheat Field
Copies Made: 15
History: A
gift for my closest class on my first sem of teaching. Aside from songs
for my students, this also includes songs about me, O, Y, and about the
three of us.
Why "Back For More"?: From
a track of the same name. The song says, "When you think the party's
over/ Look over your shoulder/ I'm at your door/ Coming back for more."
So what I really wanted to say with this album was that I will not
really go unless they'll forget about me first.
Release Date: November 2005
Working Title: Wheat Field
Copies Made: 15
History: A
gift for my closest class on my first sem of teaching. Aside from songs
for my students, this also includes songs about me, O, Y, and about the
three of us.
Why "Back For More"?: From
a track of the same name. The song says, "When you think the party's
over/ Look over your shoulder/ I'm at your door/ Coming back for more."
So what I really wanted to say with this album was that I will not
really go unless they'll forget about me first.
Tracklist:
01 Avril Lavigne - Take Me Away
02 Frente - Bizarre Love Triangle
03 Britney Spears - Someday (I Will Understand)
04 Hale - Broken Sonnet
05 Linkin Park - My December
06 Simple Plan - Everytime
07 Michelle Branch - One Of These Days
08 Gabrielle - Out Of Reach
09 Lifehouse - Blind
10 Gwen Stefani - Luxurious
11 Green Day - Wake Me Up When September Ends
12 Natalie Imbruglia - Goodbye
13 Plumb - Taken
14 The Cranberries - Dreaming My Dreams
15 A Teens - Back For More
16 Ryan Cabrera - Always Come Back To You
17 Sarah McLachlan - I Will Remember You
18 Bonnie Bailey - Ever After
19 Alanis Morissette - You Learn
01 Avril Lavigne - Take Me Away
02 Frente - Bizarre Love Triangle
03 Britney Spears - Someday (I Will Understand)
04 Hale - Broken Sonnet
05 Linkin Park - My December
06 Simple Plan - Everytime
07 Michelle Branch - One Of These Days
08 Gabrielle - Out Of Reach
09 Lifehouse - Blind
10 Gwen Stefani - Luxurious
11 Green Day - Wake Me Up When September Ends
12 Natalie Imbruglia - Goodbye
13 Plumb - Taken
14 The Cranberries - Dreaming My Dreams
15 A Teens - Back For More
16 Ryan Cabrera - Always Come Back To You
17 Sarah McLachlan - I Will Remember You
18 Bonnie Bailey - Ever After
19 Alanis Morissette - You Learn
About the songs: Still musically
immature. Lacks overall cohesiveness, except for the first 9 tracks
which flow perfectly from one to the next. Heart-rending. The last
track, though well-meaning, seems ill-fitted after following a dance
track.
immature. Lacks overall cohesiveness, except for the first 9 tracks
which flow perfectly from one to the next. Heart-rending. The last
track, though well-meaning, seems ill-fitted after following a dance
track.
Rating: 3.5 out of 5
TIME OF MY LIFE
Release Date: March 2006
Working Title: Toy's Story
Copies Made: 75
Release Date: March 2006
Working Title: Toy's Story
Copies Made: 75
History:
Covers the period from when O "left" me to my relationship with Y, as
well as the trials we had to go through because of my twisted sexuality.
Why "Time Of My Life"?: From
Oasis' "Don't Go Away" which says, "So don't go away/ Say what to say/
Say that you'll stay/ Forever and a day/ In the time of my life/ 'Cause
I need more time/ Yes I need more time/ Just to make things right." No
other song in the album could have put the theme better than that.
Covers the period from when O "left" me to my relationship with Y, as
well as the trials we had to go through because of my twisted sexuality.
Why "Time Of My Life"?: From
Oasis' "Don't Go Away" which says, "So don't go away/ Say what to say/
Say that you'll stay/ Forever and a day/ In the time of my life/ 'Cause
I need more time/ Yes I need more time/ Just to make things right." No
other song in the album could have put the theme better than that.
Tracklist:
01 Gorillaz - November Has Come
02 Bachelor Girl - Buses And Trains
03 Gwen Stefani - The Real Thing (Harajuku Lovers Remix)
04 Backstreet Boys - I Still
05 Imago - Akap
06 Radioactive Sago Project - Alcohol
07 Sugababes - Obsession
08 Natalie Imbruglia - Intuition
09 Simple Plan - My Alien
10 Mariah Carey - We Belong Together
11 Tori Amos - A Sorta Fairytale
12 Alanis Morissette - Simple Together
13 Marion Raven - Little By Little (not included in earlier copies)
14 Lifehouse - Chapter One
15 Sheryl Crow - The First Cut Is The Deepest
16 Oasis - Don't Go Away
17 The Cranberries - I'm Still Remembering
18 Eraserheads - Minsan
19 Kamikazee - Narda
20 The Beatles - In My Life (hidden track)
01 Gorillaz - November Has Come
02 Bachelor Girl - Buses And Trains
03 Gwen Stefani - The Real Thing (Harajuku Lovers Remix)
04 Backstreet Boys - I Still
05 Imago - Akap
06 Radioactive Sago Project - Alcohol
07 Sugababes - Obsession
08 Natalie Imbruglia - Intuition
09 Simple Plan - My Alien
10 Mariah Carey - We Belong Together
11 Tori Amos - A Sorta Fairytale
12 Alanis Morissette - Simple Together
13 Marion Raven - Little By Little (not included in earlier copies)
14 Lifehouse - Chapter One
15 Sheryl Crow - The First Cut Is The Deepest
16 Oasis - Don't Go Away
17 The Cranberries - I'm Still Remembering
18 Eraserheads - Minsan
19 Kamikazee - Narda
20 The Beatles - In My Life (hidden track)
About the songs: Too varied. The
arrangement of the songs made the whole album sound fragmented into
three parts. Individually, most of the songs are good. The introductory
songs are particularly boring, although with better arrangement, they
could have stood out well.
arrangement of the songs made the whole album sound fragmented into
three parts. Individually, most of the songs are good. The introductory
songs are particularly boring, although with better arrangement, they
could have stood out well.
Rating: 2.5 out of 5
LOVELY
Release Date: May 2006
Working Title: Lovely
Copies Made: 45
History: My first greatest hits album which includes choice tracks from the earlier three as well as 8 new tracks.
Why "Lovely"?: "Lovely"
was the name given by my "Back For More" students when I used to make
kwento about Y and me's relationship, and what better title to name my
album than to use that, since essentially, the past two semesters
centered around her and her love. However, the exact release date was a
few days after we broke up, and it was too late to cancel the album.
Release Date: May 2006
Working Title: Lovely
Copies Made: 45
History: My first greatest hits album which includes choice tracks from the earlier three as well as 8 new tracks.
Why "Lovely"?: "Lovely"
was the name given by my "Back For More" students when I used to make
kwento about Y and me's relationship, and what better title to name my
album than to use that, since essentially, the past two semesters
centered around her and her love. However, the exact release date was a
few days after we broke up, and it was too late to cancel the album.
Tracklist:
01 The Cranberries - Daffodil Lament
02 Switchfoot - You
03 Kelly Clarkson - Beautiful Disaster
04 Madonna - I Deserve It
05 Lifehouse - Blind
06 Marion Raven - Six Feet Under
07 Sheryl Crow - The First Cut Is The Deepest
08 Gin Blossoms - As Long As It Matters
09 Natalie Imbruglia - Left Of The Middle
10 Ryan Cabrera - Always Come Back To You
11 Imago - Akap
12 Oasis - Don't Go Away
13 The Beatles - In My Life
14 Westlife - Can't Lose What You Never Had
15 No Doubt - Running
16 Coldplay - X & Y
17 Green Day - Wake Me Up When September Ends
18 After Image - Tag-Ulan
01 The Cranberries - Daffodil Lament
02 Switchfoot - You
03 Kelly Clarkson - Beautiful Disaster
04 Madonna - I Deserve It
05 Lifehouse - Blind
06 Marion Raven - Six Feet Under
07 Sheryl Crow - The First Cut Is The Deepest
08 Gin Blossoms - As Long As It Matters
09 Natalie Imbruglia - Left Of The Middle
10 Ryan Cabrera - Always Come Back To You
11 Imago - Akap
12 Oasis - Don't Go Away
13 The Beatles - In My Life
14 Westlife - Can't Lose What You Never Had
15 No Doubt - Running
16 Coldplay - X & Y
17 Green Day - Wake Me Up When September Ends
18 After Image - Tag-Ulan
About the songs: Very
well-chosen for the album. An amazing success compared with the
previous one. Unified both musically and lyrically due to flawless
arrangement. Track 1 sets the theme really well, and sets the way for
the emotional ride of the following tracks. The downside is, the
majority of the songs are sad to weeping, so by the middle of the
album, the listener might already feel choked with emotion.
well-chosen for the album. An amazing success compared with the
previous one. Unified both musically and lyrically due to flawless
arrangement. Track 1 sets the theme really well, and sets the way for
the emotional ride of the following tracks. The downside is, the
majority of the songs are sad to weeping, so by the middle of the
album, the listener might already feel choked with emotion.
Rating: 4.5 out of 5
BREAKRelease Date: October 2006
Working Titles: The End Of Illusions, Breakaway
Copies Made: 75
History:
This is my breaking out album. Released from my previous relationship,
and having some tangles about it, I've gone "out" to the world to
discover who I really am. The album describes the saddest period in my
life - alone, and still no answers... yet.
Why "Break"?: To
breakaway from who Ithought I should have been. In Track 3, Linkin Park
says, "I will never know myself until I do this on my own/ And I will
never feel anything else until my wounds are healed/ I will never be
anything til I break away from me/ I will break away/ I'll find myself
today."
This is my breaking out album. Released from my previous relationship,
and having some tangles about it, I've gone "out" to the world to
discover who I really am. The album describes the saddest period in my
life - alone, and still no answers... yet.
Why "Break"?: To
breakaway from who Ithought I should have been. In Track 3, Linkin Park
says, "I will never know myself until I do this on my own/ And I will
never feel anything else until my wounds are healed/ I will never be
anything til I break away from me/ I will break away/ I'll find myself
today."
Tracklist:
01 Kylie Minogue - Confide In Me
02 Marion Raven - End Of Me
03 Linkin Park - Somewhere I Belong
04 3 Doors Down - Let Me Go
05 The Cranberries - Linger
06 Imago - Taning
07 Evanescence - My Immortal
08 Radiohead - Creep
09 Dido - White Flag
10 Splender - I Think God Can Explain
11 Fiona Apple - Across The Universe
12 Dashboard Confessional - Vindicated
13 Corinne Bailey Rae - Trouble Sleeping
14 Ang Bandang Shirley - Larong Kalye
15 Michelle Branch - It's You
16 Enya - Only Time
17 The Dawn - Salamat
18 Madonna - Dear Jessie
01 Kylie Minogue - Confide In Me
02 Marion Raven - End Of Me
03 Linkin Park - Somewhere I Belong
04 3 Doors Down - Let Me Go
05 The Cranberries - Linger
06 Imago - Taning
07 Evanescence - My Immortal
08 Radiohead - Creep
09 Dido - White Flag
10 Splender - I Think God Can Explain
11 Fiona Apple - Across The Universe
12 Dashboard Confessional - Vindicated
13 Corinne Bailey Rae - Trouble Sleeping
14 Ang Bandang Shirley - Larong Kalye
15 Michelle Branch - It's You
16 Enya - Only Time
17 The Dawn - Salamat
18 Madonna - Dear Jessie
About the songs: Rock-heavy
and full of bitterness and shouts, and in some cases, light-headedness.
Personally my deepest album since the songs focus on who I was at the
time. Great arrangement of songs, though creaky in some areas. Very
nice introduction and ending songs. However, the album is not very
listener-friendly because of the angsty theme which most cannot relate
to.
and full of bitterness and shouts, and in some cases, light-headedness.
Personally my deepest album since the songs focus on who I was at the
time. Great arrangement of songs, though creaky in some areas. Very
nice introduction and ending songs. However, the album is not very
listener-friendly because of the angsty theme which most cannot relate
to.
Rating: 4 out of 5
ON THE HORIZON
Release Date: October 27, 2006
Working Titles: Try, Sugarbabylove
Copies Made: 2
History: This
was my birthday gift to my baby. At that time, I was still "courting"
him. A few days after, just before his real birthday, kami na! All the
songs here were about us, or rather, about my feelings for him.
Why "On The Horizon"?: From
a song of the same title which says, "All I see is love/ Sweet love/ On
the horizon/ Oh yeah/ Just one look in your deep brown eyes/ And baby
I'm flying."
Release Date: October 27, 2006
Working Titles: Try, Sugarbabylove
Copies Made: 2
History: This
was my birthday gift to my baby. At that time, I was still "courting"
him. A few days after, just before his real birthday, kami na! All the
songs here were about us, or rather, about my feelings for him.
Why "On The Horizon"?: From
a song of the same title which says, "All I see is love/ Sweet love/ On
the horizon/ Oh yeah/ Just one look in your deep brown eyes/ And baby
I'm flying."
Tracklist:
01 Keane - Everybody's Changing
02 911 - All I Want Is You
03 D'Sound - Do I Need A Reason
04 Lifehouse - Hanging By A Moment
05 Lisa Loeb - Truthfully
06 Mojofly - Sa Uulitin
07 3 Doors Down - Here Without You
08 Jewel - Fragile Heart
09 Nelly Furtado - Try
10 Gavin DeGraw - Follow Through
11 The Corrs - Make You Mine
12 Coldplay - Swallowed In The Sea
13 Avril Lavigne - Things I'll Never Say
14 Evan & Jaron - The Distance
15 Melanie C - On The Horizon
16 Goo Goo Dolls - Iris
17 Lifehouse - You Belong To Me
18 Ne-Yo - Sexy Love
19 Sarah McLachlan - The Rainbow Connection
20 Imago - Ewan
01 Keane - Everybody's Changing
02 911 - All I Want Is You
03 D'Sound - Do I Need A Reason
04 Lifehouse - Hanging By A Moment
05 Lisa Loeb - Truthfully
06 Mojofly - Sa Uulitin
07 3 Doors Down - Here Without You
08 Jewel - Fragile Heart
09 Nelly Furtado - Try
10 Gavin DeGraw - Follow Through
11 The Corrs - Make You Mine
12 Coldplay - Swallowed In The Sea
13 Avril Lavigne - Things I'll Never Say
14 Evan & Jaron - The Distance
15 Melanie C - On The Horizon
16 Goo Goo Dolls - Iris
17 Lifehouse - You Belong To Me
18 Ne-Yo - Sexy Love
19 Sarah McLachlan - The Rainbow Connection
20 Imago - Ewan
About the songs: Has this
certain commercial feel. Lacks originality. Too generic despite good
songs and good arrangement. Good for listening everyday, unlike the
previous album. Nice but forgettable except for a few of the songs.
certain commercial feel. Lacks originality. Too generic despite good
songs and good arrangement. Good for listening everyday, unlike the
previous album. Nice but forgettable except for a few of the songs.
Rating: 3.5 out of 5
LIGHT
Release Date: March 2007
Working Title: A Memory Of Light
Copies Made: 60
History:
My first feel-good album. This covers my relationship with my baby, as
well as my freedom in being who I am. As the back cover says: Love.
Freedom. Light.
Why "Light"?: Describes the overall feel of the album, aside from the word itself being mentioned in a number of the songs.
Release Date: March 2007
Working Title: A Memory Of Light
Copies Made: 60
History:
My first feel-good album. This covers my relationship with my baby, as
well as my freedom in being who I am. As the back cover says: Love.
Freedom. Light.
Why "Light"?: Describes the overall feel of the album, aside from the word itself being mentioned in a number of the songs.
Tracklist:
01 Rascal Flatts - I'm Moving On
02 Nelly Furtado feat. Attitude - Afraid
03 The Cranberries - Free To Decide
04 John Mayer - New Deep
05 Dixie Chicks - You Can't Hurry Love
06 Ryan Cabrera - On The Way Down
07 Natalie Imbruglia - Satellite
08 Norah Jones - Those Sweet Words
09 Bob Marley feat. Lauryn Hill - Turn Your Lights Down Low
10 Avril Lavigne - Naked
11 Gwen Stefani - 4 In The Morning
12 Gabrielle - Sunshine
13 Jason Mraz - You And I Both
14 Chantal Kreviazuk - Feels Like Home
15 Keane - Somewhere Only We Know
16 Le Ann Rimes - Please Remember
17 Mariah Carey feat. trey Lorenz - I'll Be There
18 Meredith Brooks - Bitch
19 Tina Arena - Now I Can Dance
01 Rascal Flatts - I'm Moving On
02 Nelly Furtado feat. Attitude - Afraid
03 The Cranberries - Free To Decide
04 John Mayer - New Deep
05 Dixie Chicks - You Can't Hurry Love
06 Ryan Cabrera - On The Way Down
07 Natalie Imbruglia - Satellite
08 Norah Jones - Those Sweet Words
09 Bob Marley feat. Lauryn Hill - Turn Your Lights Down Low
10 Avril Lavigne - Naked
11 Gwen Stefani - 4 In The Morning
12 Gabrielle - Sunshine
13 Jason Mraz - You And I Both
14 Chantal Kreviazuk - Feels Like Home
15 Keane - Somewhere Only We Know
16 Le Ann Rimes - Please Remember
17 Mariah Carey feat. trey Lorenz - I'll Be There
18 Meredith Brooks - Bitch
19 Tina Arena - Now I Can Dance
About the songs:
Pivotal compared with all the others. Easy to listen to. Even funny, in
some cases. Gives you the feeling that everything is going well because
the songs are so soft. Every song here is significantly chosen. Has the
best ending song among all of my albums.
Pivotal compared with all the others. Easy to listen to. Even funny, in
some cases. Gives you the feeling that everything is going well because
the songs are so soft. Every song here is significantly chosen. Has the
best ending song among all of my albums.
Rating: 4.5 out of 5
FORCA
Release Date: May 2007
Working Title: Forca
Copies Made: 50
History: Second greatest hits album covering the previous three.
Why "Forca"?: From
the title track by Nelly Furtado. "Forca" is Portuguese for strength
and is commonly expressed as "com uma forca", meaning "give it
strength. This album celebrates my recovery from the previous year.
Tracklist:
01 Hoku - Perfect Day
02 Imago - Sundo
03 The Cranberries - Linger
04 Gwen Stefani - 4 In The Morning
05 Nelly Furtado - Try
06 3 Doors Down - Let Me Go
07 Mojofly - Sa Uulitin
08 Evan & Jaron - The Distance
09 Avril Lavigne - Contagious
10 Jason Mraz - You And I Both
11 Gavin DeGraw - Follow Through
12 John Mayer - Not Myself
13 Dashboard Confessional - Hands Down
14 M2M - Don't
15 Fiona Apple - Across The Universe
16 James Blunt - You're Beautiful
17 Rascal Flatts - I'm Moving On
18 Nelly Furtado - Forca
19 Christina Aguilera - Come On Over (All I Want Is You) (bonus track)
20 Natsha Bedingfield - Unwritten
01 Hoku - Perfect Day
02 Imago - Sundo
03 The Cranberries - Linger
04 Gwen Stefani - 4 In The Morning
05 Nelly Furtado - Try
06 3 Doors Down - Let Me Go
07 Mojofly - Sa Uulitin
08 Evan & Jaron - The Distance
09 Avril Lavigne - Contagious
10 Jason Mraz - You And I Both
11 Gavin DeGraw - Follow Through
12 John Mayer - Not Myself
13 Dashboard Confessional - Hands Down
14 M2M - Don't
15 Fiona Apple - Across The Universe
16 James Blunt - You're Beautiful
17 Rascal Flatts - I'm Moving On
18 Nelly Furtado - Forca
19 Christina Aguilera - Come On Over (All I Want Is You) (bonus track)
20 Natsha Bedingfield - Unwritten
About the songs:
A collection of the best songs from my albums but the overall effect
fell too short of expectations. Compartmentalized thematically, and
bounces from the mature to the immature. Despite its shortcomings, the
album still manages to send its message in the end and gives a vague
impression that life is indeed, varied. Still, the album is rather
bland and forgettable.
A collection of the best songs from my albums but the overall effect
fell too short of expectations. Compartmentalized thematically, and
bounces from the mature to the immature. Despite its shortcomings, the
album still manages to send its message in the end and gives a vague
impression that life is indeed, varied. Still, the album is rather
bland and forgettable.
Rating: 3.5 out of 5
REASON
Release Date: September 30, 2007
Working Title: Extraordinary
Copies Made: 80
History: A closure album for Hunter
Why "Reason"?: "Reason can tell how love affects us, but cannot tell what love is."
Tracklist:
01 Bjork - All Is Full Of Love
02 Sheryl Crow & Sting - Always On Your Side
03 Coldplay - Square One
04 Keane - This Is The Last Time
05 Sarah McLachlan - Stupid
06 Kelly Clarkson - Sober
07 Madonna - The Power Of Goodbye
08 Dido - Hunter
09 Texas - Put Your Arms Around Me
10 Alicia Keys - Why Do I Feel So Sad
11 Mariah Carey feat. Dru Hill - The Beautiful Ones
12 Craig Armstrong feat. Elizabeth Frazer - This Love
13 Rob Thomas - Little Wonders
14 Stereophonics - A Minute Longer
15 Dolores O'Riordan - Apple Of My Eye
16 Mandy Moore - Extraordinary
17 Sandwich - Kalendaryo
18 Shania Twain - Amneris' Letter (hidden track)
01 Bjork - All Is Full Of Love
02 Sheryl Crow & Sting - Always On Your Side
03 Coldplay - Square One
04 Keane - This Is The Last Time
05 Sarah McLachlan - Stupid
06 Kelly Clarkson - Sober
07 Madonna - The Power Of Goodbye
08 Dido - Hunter
09 Texas - Put Your Arms Around Me
10 Alicia Keys - Why Do I Feel So Sad
11 Mariah Carey feat. Dru Hill - The Beautiful Ones
12 Craig Armstrong feat. Elizabeth Frazer - This Love
13 Rob Thomas - Little Wonders
14 Stereophonics - A Minute Longer
15 Dolores O'Riordan - Apple Of My Eye
16 Mandy Moore - Extraordinary
17 Sandwich - Kalendaryo
18 Shania Twain - Amneris' Letter (hidden track)
About the songs:
Dreamy, steady, yet contained. The most mature songs among my albums.
Has a distinct overall feel of being ethereal. A solid album, both
lyrically and musically. Takes its listeners on a meaningful ride. Has
the best cover as well. Hands down, this is the best album I've ever
made.
Dreamy, steady, yet contained. The most mature songs among my albums.
Has a distinct overall feel of being ethereal. A solid album, both
lyrically and musically. Takes its listeners on a meaningful ride. Has
the best cover as well. Hands down, this is the best album I've ever
made.
Rating: 5 out of 5
THE ICE
Release Date: March 29, 2008
Working Title: The Ice
Copies Made: 85
History: After the sadness of "Reason", it is time to conquer the next challenge - the dancefloor.
Why "The Ice"?: From the title of a major song in this album. Also, for coolness, chillness, and in preparation for summer. Summer is coming!
Tracklist:
01 Mika - Relax, Take It Easy
02 Britney Spears - Break the Ice
03 A-Teens - Closer to Perfection
04 Ne-yo - Can We Chill
05 Mary J. Blige - Just Fine
06 Rihanna - Push Up On Me
07 Janet Jackson - Luv
08 Sugababes - Gotta Be You
09 Black Eyed Peas - Be Free
10 Jennifer Lopez - Feelin' So Good
11 Artful Dodger feat. Melanie Blatt - Twentyfourseven
12 Kylie Minogue - All I See
13 Spice Girls - Never Give Up On the Good Times
14 Justin Timberlake - Lovestoned
15 Inoj - Time After Time
16 Gwen Stefani - The Real Thing
17 Moony - Flying Away
18 Scarf - Odysee (Plazmatek Radio Edit)
19 Ace of Base - The Sign
About the songs: Cool-sounding and fun. A party soundtrack with sense. Not too personal and the least emotional among my albums.
01 Mika - Relax, Take It Easy
02 Britney Spears - Break the Ice
03 A-Teens - Closer to Perfection
04 Ne-yo - Can We Chill
05 Mary J. Blige - Just Fine
06 Rihanna - Push Up On Me
07 Janet Jackson - Luv
08 Sugababes - Gotta Be You
09 Black Eyed Peas - Be Free
10 Jennifer Lopez - Feelin' So Good
11 Artful Dodger feat. Melanie Blatt - Twentyfourseven
12 Kylie Minogue - All I See
13 Spice Girls - Never Give Up On the Good Times
14 Justin Timberlake - Lovestoned
15 Inoj - Time After Time
16 Gwen Stefani - The Real Thing
17 Moony - Flying Away
18 Scarf - Odysee (Plazmatek Radio Edit)
19 Ace of Base - The Sign
About the songs: Cool-sounding and fun. A party soundtrack with sense. Not too personal and the least emotional among my albums.
Rating: 4.5 out of 5
RAINBOW'S END Release Date: May 2008
Working Title: Rainbow's End
Copies Made: 60
History: About catching dreams
Why "Rainbow's End"?: From the carrier single "Around the Corner of Your Eye": I could be your pot of gold, everything you're wishing for... Do you really want to find the rainbow's end?
Tracklist:
01 Frou Frou - Let Go
02 Paula Cole Band - Pearl
03 Vienna Teng - The Tower
04 Vanessa Carlton - Hands On Me
05 Donna Lewis - I Could Be The One
06 Princessa - Once In A Lifetime
07 Tori Amos - Sleeps With Butterflies
08 Ingrid Michaelson - Corner Of Your Heart
09 Colbie Caillat - Realize
10 Damien Rice - Cannonball
11 Chantal Kreviazuk - Time
12 Michelle Branch - Leap of Faith
13 Wake Up Your Seatmate - Panaginip
14 A-Teens - Around the Corner of Your Eye
15 S Club 7 - Say Goodbye
16 Avril Lavigne - Keep Holding On
17 Stacie Orrico - So Simple
18 Sarah McLachlan - The Rainbow Connection*
19 Phil Collins - You'll Be In My Heart
01 Frou Frou - Let Go
02 Paula Cole Band - Pearl
03 Vienna Teng - The Tower
04 Vanessa Carlton - Hands On Me
05 Donna Lewis - I Could Be The One
06 Princessa - Once In A Lifetime
07 Tori Amos - Sleeps With Butterflies
08 Ingrid Michaelson - Corner Of Your Heart
09 Colbie Caillat - Realize
10 Damien Rice - Cannonball
11 Chantal Kreviazuk - Time
12 Michelle Branch - Leap of Faith
13 Wake Up Your Seatmate - Panaginip
14 A-Teens - Around the Corner of Your Eye
15 S Club 7 - Say Goodbye
16 Avril Lavigne - Keep Holding On
17 Stacie Orrico - So Simple
18 Sarah McLachlan - The Rainbow Connection*
19 Phil Collins - You'll Be In My Heart
*also featured in "On the Horizon"
About the songs: From piano to guitar, the album shifts from vulnerability to longing for love. This album is about giving everything up to go after your dream, no matter what the hindrances and the outcomes may be. Despite minor inconsistencies in theme, the heart of a child shines through from beginning to end. A dream of an album.
About the songs: From piano to guitar, the album shifts from vulnerability to longing for love. This album is about giving everything up to go after your dream, no matter what the hindrances and the outcomes may be. Despite minor inconsistencies in theme, the heart of a child shines through from beginning to end. A dream of an album.
Rating: 4.5 out of 5
****
THIS ENTRY WAS FIRST PUBLISHED ON APRIL 11, 2007. LAST UPDATED ON JUNE 17, 2008.
THIS ENTRY WAS FIRST PUBLISHED ON APRIL 11, 2007. LAST UPDATED ON JUNE 17, 2008.
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