Something Hardens

I've been teaching chemistry for the fourth year now and through those semesters I have developed a teaching style which I've proven to be fun and effective - based on my students' replies. If you've been my student, as the majority of my Multiply and Friendster contacts are, then you will understand what I'm talking about. But this past semester was different.

I have always taken a private pride in my SET scores, and though I might not get the highest score in the whole Institute, I am pleased whenever I get at least an average rating. Students may not realize this but some teachers really take those SET's very seriously. I am one of them. I like my job that's why, and every semester I try to do something new in order to improve my teaching skills based on the SET feedback.

This semester was the beginning of a big change in Chem 16 as it heralded the use of bigger classes. Instead of the usual 40 or so students, lecture classes have been expanded into accomodating up to 80 students separated into four lab sections. It was an experiment for the whole Institute, since from my knowledge, this hasn't happened in Chem classes before (except perhaps for CWTS). I was under a lot of pressure especially since I was assigned as the Chem 16 lecture coordinator (which reminds that I have yet to make the removal exam tsk tsk).

Anyway, I was lucky to have really great lab instructors "under" me. With the three of them (I was handling one of the lab sections), we made Chem 16 into Potions 16 and divided the class into the four Hogwarts houses. I had a lot of fun, as I usually do in Chem 16, and it's mostly because of my very cooperative colleagues. Our semender party was a blast! From the thank you's and love I was getting from my Potions 16 students, I thought I did a great job, until I saw my SET that is.

SET's weren't supposed to be given this early yet but we were allowed to have temporary copies of them during an evaluation meeting. I do not mean to brag but I am pleased to have a high score, considering that I'm taking the average of about 80 students here. I read the comments and was glad at the usual heartwarming ones. There were bad comments in which I had no control like making the class smaller, going on trips, etc, And to my very ill surprise, I read this one comment about how the course can be improved saying: "It's stupid! Teach in a way all students can relate to." Or something nearly like that.

This comment wasn't detailed but I suppose this had something to do with the Harry Potter theme or my relaxed teaching style or my openness about myself. I think it's the former though. I also believe that this same student was the only one who marked me as "one of the worst" UP teachers he/she has ever had. And that was only about the second or third time I was marked as that.

It really breaks my heart to hear such things from my students. It really does, considering that I do my best to make them understand not only the lessons but why I'm digressing and other stuff.

I was having this conversation through text with one my students just this past semester and she shared her views about this saying that I care too much about what other people say, that if I believe that I'm doing the right thing why should it bother me, and that the students are entitled to their opinions.

What surprised me here is not the comment itself actually but that there are really some "unkind" students out there. Ever since, I've given my best whenever my students need extra help - I can go out of my way just to make them learn as long as they have the initiative to ask - and yet some students can really go on and hurt your feelings despite everything you've done for them. Some still do not understand no matter how you try to explain and make things clear. And I did explain! My Potions 16 students cannot gainsay me in that.

It bothered me a lot, so much so that I pondered on changing my style this coming semester. I thought of how I'd teach my subject without making it fun or without making friends with my students. I thought of giving my next students all work and no time for reflections on life and love. I will give them no albums. I will arrange them no semender party. I will make them forget me. Maybe if I did that, nobody will call me stupid anymore?

I want to break the norm, I told the student I was chatting with. I want to teach more than chemistry and I want to be an example.

And then she told me hours later, as an "aftertext", that if I were to break the norm about students and teachers then I should be strong. How can I do that if with one harsh criticism I break down to pieces?

That was when it hit me - she was absolutely right. She got it. I know I cannot please everybody with my personality. I suppose some really do hate me for whatever reasons they may have. But as long as I believe I am doing nothing wrong and the majority of my class agrees with me and benefits from my way of teaching, I should push through with what I am doing.

I realized it just now. I thought teaching would be a breeze. I thought that, with my style, I will encounter no barriers. Well, I am smarter now. I realize that I cannot win everybody's hearts. I realize that I should be thankful that at least most of my students understand me and think kindly of me. I should be thankful that I have so many friends out of my former students that it is actually very difficult now to keep in touch with ALL of them. I realize now that I should use such criticisms to make myself stronger and be a better teacher and ultimately, a better person.

I won't let that one student put me down.

I won't let that student stop me from spreading openness and awareness and clarity.

I am sorry I wasn't able to make that student comprehend my message, but that shouldn't stop me from fostering those who did.

I am a teacher.

I am a mentor.

I have a mission.

And I believe.

(BOW)

***

"Happy Teachers Day" my mom texted me earlier. How heartwarming.

A shoutout to all my past students there! I miss you all!

We may not be foremost in each other's thoughts anymore but I still remember.

I remember.

We had our days and they will always be in my heart no matter if some consider it stupid.