I was walking alone in the mall on my way to the exit and I had the corridor all to myself. Some of the shops still had their lights on, and as I walked by them I found myself eyeing my shadow.
It's funny how some movies affect you in a certain way, and it's funnier when the movie you watched actually sucked and still, you get affected by it. I've watched last full shows by myself a handful of times already (most especially lately), and I suppose this was the first time when I actually felt... you know, really lonely. And the cavernous feel of the mall after closing hours didn't help.
On my way to the taxi stand, I saw this guy walking towards my direction. I didn't keep my eyes on him all the time I was walking (that would've been weird) but as we walked closer to each other, I had this weird feeling that he was looking at me. So when I glanced at him again and found him doing just that, I wasn't surprised. My loneliness peaked at that point, and I felt like reaching out to him and share a bit of what I was feeling so I gave him a sad smile. I didn't expect anything to happen. And nothing did.
***
I still had two hours to kill before the movie so I was trying to eat my dinner as slowly as I could. I was trying to act cool even if I was eating alone, surrounded by all these couples sitting too close to each other and cooing on each other's ears. I've been eating my meals alone for a very long time now, and I kept reminding myself that yeah, I've had the chance to be with someone. That I shouldn't really miss anything because I've been there. That I used to be that guy over there, laughing with his boyfriend. Now it's my turn to be the lonely one.
I remembered that time when I watched "Half-Blood Prince" all by myself. It was the first movie I watched after Darwin broke up with me. After the movie, I had dinner, and I thought of how we were planning to watch it together (we always watched movies together). Tears actually welled up in my eyes that time and I had to muster all of my strength just to keep them from falling on my food. I suppose I wasn't as successful as I thought, since the family dining in front of me kept giving me concerned looks. I was thankful that public display of misery didn't happen earlier.
It was hard to kill time when you're alone and the mall is already closed. I had coffee at Izzo's, but I had to be quick about it because they were beginning to clean up. When I walked out of the shop, I still had around forty minutes to spare, and I had no other option but to walk around aimlessly. I tried to mingle with the crowd in the movie area, though I felt that I stood out because I was the only one without company. I tried to make it seem like I was heading somewhere. I tried to make it appear that I was waiting for someone. I tried to project that image, even if I knew those attempts were pathetic and ultimately useless. I kept moving, because if I stopped and just stood somewhere it will only make me feel more awful. It will only make me think about... stuff I've been trying to forget.
***
I looked at the TV screen showing how the seats were occupied and saw that single red dot which was my seat surrounded by white dots.
***
I was the first one inside the cinema. I sat, pulled the armrests on either side down, and considered putting my bag on the seat to my left. Then the couples started coming in, HHWW-wise. I saw them so I kept my bag on my lap. And hugged it.
It's funny how some movies affect you in a certain way, and it's funnier when the movie you watched actually sucked and still, you get affected by it. I've watched last full shows by myself a handful of times already (most especially lately), and I suppose this was the first time when I actually felt... you know, really lonely. And the cavernous feel of the mall after closing hours didn't help.
On my way to the taxi stand, I saw this guy walking towards my direction. I didn't keep my eyes on him all the time I was walking (that would've been weird) but as we walked closer to each other, I had this weird feeling that he was looking at me. So when I glanced at him again and found him doing just that, I wasn't surprised. My loneliness peaked at that point, and I felt like reaching out to him and share a bit of what I was feeling so I gave him a sad smile. I didn't expect anything to happen. And nothing did.
***
I still had two hours to kill before the movie so I was trying to eat my dinner as slowly as I could. I was trying to act cool even if I was eating alone, surrounded by all these couples sitting too close to each other and cooing on each other's ears. I've been eating my meals alone for a very long time now, and I kept reminding myself that yeah, I've had the chance to be with someone. That I shouldn't really miss anything because I've been there. That I used to be that guy over there, laughing with his boyfriend. Now it's my turn to be the lonely one.
I remembered that time when I watched "Half-Blood Prince" all by myself. It was the first movie I watched after Darwin broke up with me. After the movie, I had dinner, and I thought of how we were planning to watch it together (we always watched movies together). Tears actually welled up in my eyes that time and I had to muster all of my strength just to keep them from falling on my food. I suppose I wasn't as successful as I thought, since the family dining in front of me kept giving me concerned looks. I was thankful that public display of misery didn't happen earlier.
It was hard to kill time when you're alone and the mall is already closed. I had coffee at Izzo's, but I had to be quick about it because they were beginning to clean up. When I walked out of the shop, I still had around forty minutes to spare, and I had no other option but to walk around aimlessly. I tried to mingle with the crowd in the movie area, though I felt that I stood out because I was the only one without company. I tried to make it seem like I was heading somewhere. I tried to make it appear that I was waiting for someone. I tried to project that image, even if I knew those attempts were pathetic and ultimately useless. I kept moving, because if I stopped and just stood somewhere it will only make me feel more awful. It will only make me think about... stuff I've been trying to forget.
***
I looked at the TV screen showing how the seats were occupied and saw that single red dot which was my seat surrounded by white dots.
***
I was the first one inside the cinema. I sat, pulled the armrests on either side down, and considered putting my bag on the seat to my left. Then the couples started coming in, HHWW-wise. I saw them so I kept my bag on my lap. And hugged it.
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