It was midnight and I was walking along Quezon Avenue when I came upon this woman waiting alone on the sidewalk. She looked me up and down, ignored me, and kept her eyes on the road. Then suddenly, she raised her arm and tried to hail a private car. My eyes widened, my jaw dropped, and I didn't care whether she saw my reaction or not. I gave her another look and saw for the first time that despite her acceptable dress (quite fashionable actually), she had on too much makeup. I walked much faster as I passed her, only to come upon a handful of women sitting on the sidewalk, also trying to get themselves picked up. A car full of leering men slowed down and stopped in front of them and the women stood up and preened. The hunger from the eyes of the men were plain. I was so shocked from what I saw that I actually ran a few meters away from them.
I saw more of them as I walked on, and one group even had a gay "bugaw". They looked so desperate that I was glad I was with somebody at the time. It was getting late, and there were still a lot of the girls sitting, waiting. I suppose the pressure to be picked up was high upon them. From a distance, they all looked pretty because of their thick makeup. Needless to say that up close, they didn't look as pretty. I turned to the guy I was with at the time and raised an eyebrow but he just smiled at my innocence.
"Now here's a callboy," he told me. I looked at the man he indicated and frowned although I have to admit that the callboy was... attractive. It would have been all okay if not for the looks the guy I was with was giving the callboy. Well, I really couldn't blame him sine I was doing the same.
"Nice chest," my companion muttered. He didn't realize that I heard him.
When we were walking back to the place where we were staying for the night, he foolishly confessed to me that he also used to be a callboy of sorts. I was disgusted with him, I told him so and slapped his arm when he tried to hold me.
Two days later I broke up with him. Although we have never really been an official couple because I have always had doubts about his... history. Perhaps I should go back and thank the prostitutes along Quezon Avenue for helping me confirm my suspicions.
***
Years ago, back when I was much much younger, when I was just entertaining the idea of satisfying my appetite for men, I used to plan with my bestfriend on picking up a guy along the Circle. I was still a virgin with guys then, and some of the callboys waiting there looked passable, from afar at least.
"You talk to them," I told my friend. "I'll give you the money."
"No, you talk to them," she said.
Sometimes I would ask her to slow down as she was driving along the Circle, just so I can take a closer look at the men but she would just scream at me and laugh. Nothing happened to our plans but it was such fun planning on what we are going to say to the guy. Just thinking about those now makes me laugh. Yet everytime I pass by the Circle late at night, I still (surreptitiously) check if the callboys are still there just out of curiosity even if I know that I will never do the deed. I realize now that I am much too... shy and refined for that.
***
Now that I am grown and much more experienced, I do not crave for it as much as I used to. I learned that it really was just a phase and that what you feel for the person is much much more important than the... carnal things you want to do to that person. I have always known it, even when I was still bereft of sexual experience but I still went on with my escapades just so I can prove its truth to myself.
Also, what I learned about sex is that what happens after you do it is much more important than what goes on while you are doing it. I keep asking myself, "So what now?" after having sex with someone I barely know. You need to be able to have a connection other than the physical. Often, it takes more than lust to make a sexual experience hot enough to sear itself into your very bones.
My friends are probably going to berate me after reading this for being dishonest because they know I haven't given it up completely. I may already know a glimmer of the truth about sex, but I am not going to stop doing it altogether. They do not fully understand since, well, most of them are virgins. What I am trying to say is that finally, I do not miss sex as much as I used to (maybe because I have a... "facebook" if you know what I mean) but I do miss making love.
I miss that. Very very much.
***
I stood up to join the crowd on their way to the exit after "Sex and the City 2" was over and I was looking down on the steps lined with blue lights inside the cinema and it came upon me, for the first time, that I miss doing things WITH someone. I was with a friend, true. But I wish I could've held someone's hand as I was going down those steps.
No comments:
Post a Comment