D M = Cheater

July 25, 2009

Is he having sex with someone else right now? Does he laugh when he talks about me with his new lover? Is he having the time of his life now that I'm out of his?

He's been to the beach lately. And I know his friends - they're the promiscuous sort. They'd get him laid, them and their extensive network of contacts. And he would agree because he likes it too. It is only me he doesn't want to have sex with. His boyfriend.

***

One night we were drinking on the beach with his gay friends. One of them was drunk and he was talking to me. Darwin was not around.

"So you think this relationship is forever? What will make you split up?" his friend asked.

I wasn't able to think quickly for a reply.

"What about infidelity?" he asked, but this time with a knowing look in his eye.

I shrugged it off.

***

One afternoon I caught him in the faculty center having lunch with some guy. He didn't tell me he was going to UP. He was supposed to be at work. I caught him, and he told me he was there to surprise me. I swear to God he never made any attempt at surprising me before that.

I shrugged it off.

***

One time I visited his dentist, who was obviously gay. As I was lying on that chair, I couldn't help but notice that they have the same perfume. I asked Darwin why that was so, and he wasn't able to give me a satisfying answer.

I shrugged it off.

***

One night we went to his house in Antipolo. I was going down on him and I noticed some strange marks on his body. They weren't insect bites for sure. They weren't cuts.

I shrugged it off.

***

"Did you have sex with someone else while you were with me?" I asked him the night we broke up.

He gave a funny nervous laugh and said that he wouldn't have had time to do that.

I believed him. But on looking back, I realize that he didn't answer my question.

***

And what Victor told me keeps echoing through my head - that Darwin must have had sex with someone else. That it was impossible for someone like that to just stop.

***

All I want to do is to thrust the sharpest knife on every part of him I can reach. Repeatedly. Oh I can almost hear his bones crunch.