If I were born in a more intellectually advanced society, I believe I wouldn't have suffered as much just because I am gay. I've spent almost a decade of my life in torment, wondering why I had to hide who I really am. Needlessly feeling guilty about something I couldn't have changed about me. Wondering why I had to adjust to the whims of this society while the vast majority can do what they want. I suppose that really started me on my path to atheism, and I'm thankful for it.
It just hit me one day - that if God was really good and just why would he create someone like me? Why would he make me live only to be condemned by God himself? And those fools who think that sexuality can be changed. That it is a mental disorder. That I should simply stop being gay then I would be saved. That psychological findings MUST be wrong because the Bible says otherwise. I realize now that their way of thinking is just plain BULLSHIT.
Anyway, I'm over and done with those people and I don't want to waste more time on them. And I'm so glad that science is slowly disproving religious claims one by one and that the church has been reduced to holding on to morality as its only means to inveigle itself into everyone's lives.
I'm also thankful that I pursued a career in science, because it really sharpened my mind and developed in me a strong sense of the scientific method. Without that, I must still be suffering right now just because I might not have a strong enough grasp on reason and logic. It taught me that just because most people believe this to be true, that doesn't mean that it IS true. So I learned to study about these things on my own, and well, I eventually found out that I was not the only one who arrived at the same conclusions as I did. It's not hard to be an atheist really. Just think out of the box and you will see. As in really see.
I will not forget that feeling I got when I started looking up articles on criticisms of religion, and I stumbled upon this Marxism article and how it was telling me about the very exact things I've learned on my own. My ideas on the afterlife, on living your life for others, on being good without the need to believe in a god, and other stuff. I was astonished that all along I thought I was the aberration when in fact, from a clear perspective, it is the others who are not thinking properly. It was as if things fell into place and what was more amazing for me is that people from around the world, disconnected from each other, arrive at the very same conclusions. All simply because they used their minds.
If I were not gay, I believe it would have taken me a longer time to challenge religion because it would have worked for me. I wouldn't have had the initiative to inquire and find the truth. Although I'm hoping that I would have been compassionate enough to act against it, especially when I see how religion is making others suffer.
Right now I am so happy that I've gone far when it comes to thinking. I am an atheist not just because I'm gay, but because of many other more important reasons. I continue learning (I think that is actually a prerequisite to being an atheist) and I continue to build upon this better world view. It's like finally learning to see the whole picture. And I agree with a quote I read somewhere that once you become an atheist, you wouldn't believe why you ever believed in a god in the first place.
Some people might wonder how I act in an environment filled with deeply religious people, and what I think whenever people around me pray or go to church. I don't feel sorry for them for not understanding what I've realized, but I don't feel happy for them either. I think that maybe this is just not the right time for them. I understand that most of them will perhaps die without seeing our point of view, and somehow, that gives me the shivers. That is probably why I keep posting atheist quotes every now and then. Because I still firmly believe that they will see sense. They cannot say the same for me though. Because I've been in their current positions. Their belief is so closed, it does not even give them room for trying other views including mine.
Being an atheist actually requires you to understand religion, while being religious forbids you to understand what it really means to be an atheist. I'm betting most are too afraid of hell to even try and contemplate atheism. Or too close-minded. Or too judgmental. Or too selfish you do not really care about the other people in the world who are going to hell just because they cannot accept your beliefs. As long as you are safe, why bother questioning your own beliefs?
I think there is this silly belief going on that when you become an atheist you automatically will commit crimes or be unbound by laws. It is not just the rejection of the belief in god. There is much more to it. I have this vision that when people are waging wars on whose religion is right, it will be the atheists who will pick up the pieces. It will be us who will understand what is going on and who will think clearly and try to pacify the religious groups.
This is of course, not being presented as a conclusive proof (when you become an atheist, you learn to be truthful) but I think it says something that there is a higher tendency for the intellectual to be an atheist than for the uneducated to become one. Religion does tend to prey on the easily-swayed.
That being said, I am so glad I was born gay because it helped me to become an atheist. And with all the years I've spent as a former Catholic, I've never been this happier with my life. My life has never been as enjoyable, as meaningful, and as completely sensible as it is now. Before I've been trying to contort my views just to follow what the Bible says. But now, without that, it's as smooth and as simple (and as real) as the revolution of the planets.
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I have a feeling people will judge me that I'm choosing atheism just because it is more convenient for me. It is. And if people really think about it, it actually is convenient for everybody. For the whole human race even. If I were to promote this one religion, it will not be convenient for those who firmly believe in another. It's that simple really. And that is one of the things I abhor about religious adherents - their claims about them being the ONLY truth, the ONLY way to salvation when in fact, for most of them, their religion was only an accident of birth.
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