It's not the excitement of hurrying inside a room. It's not the animalistic force of that first kiss. It's not the shoving down onto the bed, the carpet, the wall. It's not the dry humping. Not the slow kisses from the neck downwards.
It's not the unbearable tension of removing the other's clothes one garment at a time. It's not the traveling of the hands, trying to touch every excitable body part all in one go. It's not the pinning down. Not the tangling of one's hair in the other's hands. It's not the shaking of the bed. Not the creasing of the bedsheet. It's not the anticipation when he's going down on you.
It's not the taste of the other's saliva nor the tongue play. It's not the steamy sweat of your two bodies as you struggle to become one. It's not the entangled limbs. It's not the gasps, the sighs, the moans. It's not even the blissful electric surge of the orgasm. No. It's not that at all.
It's the embrace, the feeling of holding the one you love. The feeling that no one will ever fill you arms the way that he does. It's the unseen smile as you steal a swift kiss on the cheek. It's the feeling of security when you hold his hand. That undefinable feeling you get that everything is going to be alright as you're squeezing his hand tighter.
It's watching TV together in bed. It's the endless talking when the lights are already out. It's the added warmth under the blankets. It's the cuddling, the tickling, the playful teasing. It's saying goodnight to each other. It's whispering "I love you" when he least expects it. It's falling asleep with your head on his shoulders.
It's listening to him breathe and sleeptalk. It's watching him sleep peacefully and then giving him a light kiss. It's finding yourself smiling as you wake up, knowing that you are beside him. It's attempting to carry him like a bride even when your knees are already shaking. It's hugging him and lifting him and then spinning around. It's doing a lot of other cheesy things without realizing they were cheesy at all.
It's looking at each other's eyes. And smiling. And realizing without thought how much you love this person. And then it's about not being able to look at each other's eyes at all with these thoughts in your head.
It's the love.
Oh, the love!
It's what I sorely sorely miss the most...
And somehow I need to live without it for a while. Because I need to relearn being happy just by myself.
Unless...
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