Body Like His

July 10, 2009

Maybe if I had a body like this guy I saw, my ex wouldn't have left me. Maybe if I had more muscle, I wouldn't find myself lonely. I'd have boys lined up waiting to take care of me. Heads would turn when I walk by. Maybe if I only filled my clothes to bursting, I wouldn't find myself hanging around coffee shops smoking too much, just looking at people.

With a body like that, I wouldn't be nervous about going to swimming parties. Being the flirt that I am, my shirt would hardly stay worn. My crush here in the dorm would sit beside me. He would try to attract my attention so he can talk to me. And yes I wouldn't have trouble getting him tangled in my blankets at all.

A body like that, and I know I'd have no trouble getting over how my ex stripped me of my confidence. A body like that, and I know he wouldn't have turned off the lights everytime he went down on me. He wouldn't have slept on me while I was on top of him. He wouldn't have just left me there, working with my hands just because he was too sleepy to attend to my needs.

But I am only me. I am only skinny stupid skinny me. Skin and bones, people taunt me. The wind will carry you away. One day you'll get so skinny you'll just fade away. Turn sideways and you will become two-dimensional. Skeleton warrior, my ex used to call me.
But I am only me.

I do what I can but I am only me.

Lucky you, you're in perfect health. Lucky you, you've got good genes. Lucky you, your metabolism is not exhausting all your reserves for nothing.

Me, I am only me.

(What the fucking shit, why did my crush suddenly decide to sit beside me NOW? Now I wouldn't be able to finish this entry the way I wanted. Where are my fucking emo thoughts?!)

Fuck those! To have him (or somebody like him) mine, I will do what I must!


P. S.
He just talked to me! For the first time!
Hihihihihi