April 20, 2008
I am sad that I'm going to "cheat" on my baby tomorrow night. I am sad and I feel guilty... But there's no other way for me to improve myself. Summer always makes me feel reckless... and finally here's someone I like who will spend time with me. I just want to know how it feels like... To be with someone you really like even if you're not going to do romantic things.
I have to know now. I'm getting older and with age will come limited possibilities. I just want to know how it feels like. I just want to feel how it is to fall again. I just want that excitement again. That magical feeling... I want to make my dream come true. Is there anything wrong with that? Is there anything wrong in trying to feel what I've never felt before?
Yes. Because I'm going to hurt my baby. But as I've said, I don't think we'd really be doing anything which can be considered as cheating. It's all in my head and for poor poor foolish people like me, that is enough motivation to go through with it.
But will I really stop there? Will I continue to pursue what my heart has longed for for ages? Will I still hope for what I've never had from hunter and alpha? The first cut is the deepest. Hasn't my baby healed those scars already?
I want a hero, reader. I'm tired of taking the lead. For once I want to feel how it is to be taken away to heaven and to the stars. All these years I've been on my feet, taking that girl/guy in my arms and taking him/her away... I want to be the one swept away this time. Even just once
I sense another healthy serving of fresh and raw heartaches for my stupid heart.
Oh blog... I don't know what to do. I know my heart and it will never change. If I don't do it now, it will just happen again to someone else.
I know that this is wrong but I can hardly control how I feel. I can hardly control my brain from plotting how to get him and be with him. I can't force myself not to think of him. I cannot stop myself from being happy. I have no control over my heart and I know that whether I do it or not, our relationship will suffer all the same. Better to get it over with and learn while it's still early.
Oh blog... I just cannot pretend. Even through text messages, I can't press that smiley letter U if I really don't feel it. And so my baby knows that I'm not the same.
Is it just me? Why does this happen if I'm getting my due from my baby?
Stability.
Didn't think that word would trigger me to run away from him like this.
Oh reader... I don't know what to do.
I should be sad, putting our relationship at stake. I should be. But the greater part of me is excited on what might happen tomorrow. I'm about to do something which may lead me to my own ruination (or to nirvana). I don't want to hurt people anymore... It doesn't feel good but I am who I am. When karma comes, I just have to pay for all of this...
Oh my baby, I don't know what has happened to me...
Somebody... My hero... Please save me
Why am I... like this?
I have to know now. I'm getting older and with age will come limited possibilities. I just want to know how it feels like. I just want to feel how it is to fall again. I just want that excitement again. That magical feeling... I want to make my dream come true. Is there anything wrong with that? Is there anything wrong in trying to feel what I've never felt before?
Yes. Because I'm going to hurt my baby. But as I've said, I don't think we'd really be doing anything which can be considered as cheating. It's all in my head and for poor poor foolish people like me, that is enough motivation to go through with it.
But will I really stop there? Will I continue to pursue what my heart has longed for for ages? Will I still hope for what I've never had from hunter and alpha? The first cut is the deepest. Hasn't my baby healed those scars already?
I want a hero, reader. I'm tired of taking the lead. For once I want to feel how it is to be taken away to heaven and to the stars. All these years I've been on my feet, taking that girl/guy in my arms and taking him/her away... I want to be the one swept away this time. Even just once
I sense another healthy serving of fresh and raw heartaches for my stupid heart.
Oh blog... I don't know what to do. I know my heart and it will never change. If I don't do it now, it will just happen again to someone else.
I know that this is wrong but I can hardly control how I feel. I can hardly control my brain from plotting how to get him and be with him. I can't force myself not to think of him. I cannot stop myself from being happy. I have no control over my heart and I know that whether I do it or not, our relationship will suffer all the same. Better to get it over with and learn while it's still early.
Oh blog... I just cannot pretend. Even through text messages, I can't press that smiley letter U if I really don't feel it. And so my baby knows that I'm not the same.
Is it just me? Why does this happen if I'm getting my due from my baby?
Stability.
Didn't think that word would trigger me to run away from him like this.
Oh reader... I don't know what to do.
I should be sad, putting our relationship at stake. I should be. But the greater part of me is excited on what might happen tomorrow. I'm about to do something which may lead me to my own ruination (or to nirvana). I don't want to hurt people anymore... It doesn't feel good but I am who I am. When karma comes, I just have to pay for all of this...
Oh my baby, I don't know what has happened to me...
Somebody... My hero... Please save me
Why am I... like this?
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