Several times, I've been warned by my friends that one of these days, my openness (both here and in the real world) will get me in serious trouble, and in one particular discussion I've had with them, they told me that I should stop assuming that everyone thinks the way I do.
"You're not friends with everyone," they told me. "Some people who dislike you can easily use these things against you."
To which I lamely replied: "Then that means they're mean."
And they only shook their heads at me.
That discussion happened a few months ago, during the peak of IC's rumor-mongering days about my unfitness for my post as instructor. Those spotlight-burning days when I was informed that even my Facebook statuses were at the tip of the tongues of some PhD's who weren't even my contacts. The first time I learned of that, I felt punched in the stomach. I felt betrayed. And to this day, I still haven't identified that spy who still owes me big time.
Naturally, my first impulse was to try to discover who the culprits were. From the many crime-solving stories I've read, I knew that motive was my primary clue. And I ended up with a handful of names who I felt have reason enough to hate me, but surely, none who hate me enough to deliberately pull me down and get rid of me.
It was one of those reality checks for me. I feel saddened that these things actually happen. That really, one isn't completely safe, even if you feel that you are surrounded by people who are, at least on the surface, nice to you. I myself have been guilty of spreading a little gossip, but surely none with as serious a nature as one's future!
I've lost count of how many times I've claimed that honesty is my best policy, and I suppose that that is one reason why I don't care whether I reveal too much about myself. I believe that I do not have a reason to hide. I'm only living my life. I'm only sharing my opinions and what I learned to my friends, hoping that they'll get something good out of it. I want to be that scapegoat, that satellite sent out to outer space which would honestly and dutifully report what it has seen. But unfortunately, not everyone thinks of what I do like that. They only see the surface and they fail to understand my motives until I spell it out for them. Sometimes, even when I do that, they still want to focus only on the scandalous and dirty parts of my stories. And then they judge me from those choice parts they've read.
Some people strongly believe in the sanctity of such things as secrets and privacy, and that one should keep personal experiences to oneself. To that, I can only reply that it is the teacher in my bones which push me to keep on doing what I do. For me, my experiences are knowledge other people can use for their own lives. And besides, just because I say much about my life, it doesn't mean that I don't have my own secrets too. I keep those things to myself, because I don't feel the need to reveal them and because they won't do my readers any good anyway.
Also, a fair number of my stories are about my sexual endeavors and blatant homosexuality. Prudish people may hiss and avert their eyes and pray to the high heavens for the salvation of my damned soul, and to that I can only laugh in reply. It was a deliberate decision on my part of course, to publish such things. Aside from the "moral" (ironic isn't it?) I carefully include in those stories, I am also trying to destroy the notion that sex and homosexuality are "bad" things and are taboo. Besides, I do place a warning before an entry which may be too explicit for my young readers. I try my best to be responsible as a writer of such sensitive topics.
I also tend to be very opinionated regarding matters which are close to my heart or my ideals. I get affected by such things very strongly, and as a consequence I resort to Facebook (not the best of choices but this is all I have) so I can express my views on such topics. Unfortunately, those spies will carry my words to the very people I am criticizing and it will actually have been fair if only I can trust that the recipients will keep in mind that these are only my opinions, and if they are thinking objectively, should not bias them in crucial decisions involving my life. I'm aware that this is a price I must pay in being too public, but what actually worries me more is not what the spies are doing but why there are spies among my contacts in the first place.
Well I don't feel like I'm going to stop writing about my experiences or expressing my opinions anytime soon. And for the spies, take this: What you do with what you know reflects the type of person you are. I may not be able to identify who you are exactly, and you may be able to tarnish my reputation by twisting my opinions to suit your own purposes, but at the end of the day, we'll both know that you've been mean and I have been not.
Lame maybe, but oddly, that's enough justice for me.
Note: I'm not trying to stir up old trouble. Goodness knows I've been trying to walk small in my workplace ever since this happened. I only want to send this message through to those who still owe me.
Thank you.
:)
(Hahahaha!)
"You're not friends with everyone," they told me. "Some people who dislike you can easily use these things against you."
To which I lamely replied: "Then that means they're mean."
And they only shook their heads at me.
That discussion happened a few months ago, during the peak of IC's rumor-mongering days about my unfitness for my post as instructor. Those spotlight-burning days when I was informed that even my Facebook statuses were at the tip of the tongues of some PhD's who weren't even my contacts. The first time I learned of that, I felt punched in the stomach. I felt betrayed. And to this day, I still haven't identified that spy who still owes me big time.
Naturally, my first impulse was to try to discover who the culprits were. From the many crime-solving stories I've read, I knew that motive was my primary clue. And I ended up with a handful of names who I felt have reason enough to hate me, but surely, none who hate me enough to deliberately pull me down and get rid of me.
It was one of those reality checks for me. I feel saddened that these things actually happen. That really, one isn't completely safe, even if you feel that you are surrounded by people who are, at least on the surface, nice to you. I myself have been guilty of spreading a little gossip, but surely none with as serious a nature as one's future!
I've lost count of how many times I've claimed that honesty is my best policy, and I suppose that that is one reason why I don't care whether I reveal too much about myself. I believe that I do not have a reason to hide. I'm only living my life. I'm only sharing my opinions and what I learned to my friends, hoping that they'll get something good out of it. I want to be that scapegoat, that satellite sent out to outer space which would honestly and dutifully report what it has seen. But unfortunately, not everyone thinks of what I do like that. They only see the surface and they fail to understand my motives until I spell it out for them. Sometimes, even when I do that, they still want to focus only on the scandalous and dirty parts of my stories. And then they judge me from those choice parts they've read.
Some people strongly believe in the sanctity of such things as secrets and privacy, and that one should keep personal experiences to oneself. To that, I can only reply that it is the teacher in my bones which push me to keep on doing what I do. For me, my experiences are knowledge other people can use for their own lives. And besides, just because I say much about my life, it doesn't mean that I don't have my own secrets too. I keep those things to myself, because I don't feel the need to reveal them and because they won't do my readers any good anyway.
Also, a fair number of my stories are about my sexual endeavors and blatant homosexuality. Prudish people may hiss and avert their eyes and pray to the high heavens for the salvation of my damned soul, and to that I can only laugh in reply. It was a deliberate decision on my part of course, to publish such things. Aside from the "moral" (ironic isn't it?) I carefully include in those stories, I am also trying to destroy the notion that sex and homosexuality are "bad" things and are taboo. Besides, I do place a warning before an entry which may be too explicit for my young readers. I try my best to be responsible as a writer of such sensitive topics.
I also tend to be very opinionated regarding matters which are close to my heart or my ideals. I get affected by such things very strongly, and as a consequence I resort to Facebook (not the best of choices but this is all I have) so I can express my views on such topics. Unfortunately, those spies will carry my words to the very people I am criticizing and it will actually have been fair if only I can trust that the recipients will keep in mind that these are only my opinions, and if they are thinking objectively, should not bias them in crucial decisions involving my life. I'm aware that this is a price I must pay in being too public, but what actually worries me more is not what the spies are doing but why there are spies among my contacts in the first place.
Well I don't feel like I'm going to stop writing about my experiences or expressing my opinions anytime soon. And for the spies, take this: What you do with what you know reflects the type of person you are. I may not be able to identify who you are exactly, and you may be able to tarnish my reputation by twisting my opinions to suit your own purposes, but at the end of the day, we'll both know that you've been mean and I have been not.
Lame maybe, but oddly, that's enough justice for me.
Note: I'm not trying to stir up old trouble. Goodness knows I've been trying to walk small in my workplace ever since this happened. I only want to send this message through to those who still owe me.
Thank you.
:)
(Hahahaha!)
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