Why I Hate You

August 16, 2009

It was late in the morning and I was sitting on your bed beside you, both of us listening to this silly love song and I couldn't look at you because every word sings true.

You turned to kiss me, and as my lips touched yours, I caught a taste of the chocolate you were having for breakfast. I smiled and I had to look away, because I just couldn't bear to feel myself so vulnerable and so silly.

You make me feel like a girl. You make me feel so many things I haven't felt before. With you I finally felt how it was to fall, to melt, to... giggle. I almost gave up on these things yet you came just when I needed you most.

With you, my view on life changed. I believed that life was cruel, that love was but an illusion. Yet I wished one last time for someone to come and take me away. And you came. And you did everything that I longed to feel and more.

Every moment I'm with you is a dream. That is why I can't stop looking at you. That is why I can't stop touching you because I want to assure myself that you are real. Never had I met a person so complementary, so tailor made for me. I still can't believe it that days ago I was on the point of giving up. But even if I don't go to church anymore, God still answered my prayers.

Oh I remember all those nights I was crying silently on my bed. All those nights alone, bitterly cursing everyone who was making me feel such a loser in love. Then suddenly, I found you. You were different from all the others. A refreshing change from all my failed dates, my failed relationships. And when you said that you liked me too, it was as if my whole world exploded... Just like the time I first held your hand in the taxi.

I am silly, I know. I can't express myself fully. I can only write about fragments of my feelings. I do not how to deal with all these new things you're putting me into.

But I do know a few things. I do know that this is the best that love has got to offer. I do know that I've finally struck gold. I do know that what we have is special, and that no other person in the world can ever make me feel like this. I do know that I've found my match in you.

I've told you so many times that I hate you. I hate you so much because you took away my walls and you saw the silly lovestruck man hiding inside. I hate you so much because I wasn't supposed to fall like that. I hate you because somehow I cannot make this entry the way I want it to be.

But I hate you most because...

Because you feel the same.

Oh Dan. I hate you very very much.