On My Bed

There is this person I know. His name is Bryan. Or Bry, as he is called now. He was a particularly curious boy. Because he himself believes that he is particularly curious.

He thinks he is always sad, this boy. I dont really believe that. Especially lately when hes going out with his friends very often. Hes having fun! Its just that he focuses more on his failures than on his achievements. He has sort of taken for granted all that he has gained. And he does not easily accept things that he lost. He knows how to handle victory. But failures?

Let me tell you this story. There was this mouse. A small gray one who fell in love with a cat. He thought that the cat has the most lovely eyes - like jewels on a starry night. He knows that it is wrong to fall in love with a cat. Cats go with cats. Mice go with mice. But can he stop it? Can he stop how he feels? His mice friends told him to think carefully. He decided hed better risk it. He wasnt able to think about nothing but the cat the past few days.

So then the night came when he had to tell the cat about how he feels. The cat looked at him angrily. He explained everything - how it started, what was happening to him lately. The cat took a very long time to give a reply. And then, the cat just ate him.

And so there he is, inside the cat's stomach. Suffering, because, you know, he had to squeeze inside the cat's slimy esophagus, and be bathed in stomach acid. But you know what, he was happy then. Even if he will die in a few moments inside the cats tummy. Because, he said, that he has never been closer to the cat's heart before.

He could feel it beating, the cat's heart, somewhere to his left. Or right. He was becoming less aware of direction. The pain was just overwhelming, but he was happy.  It wasnt beating for him though, he knew. He knew, but it was enough to have felt it at least.

That was how deep his love for the cat was. No matter how he has been punctured by the cats teeth, how his bones were cracked by its jaws. How much he bled. How much he was deliberately hurt. How much he was ignored. How he is suffering right now, he still loves the cat.

Foolish mouse! His friends said, after hearing the news that he was eaten by the cat he loved. Foolish foolish foolish!

He has thought about that, the mouse. He thought how inferior the cat was in comparison to him. He has thought about that. But it did not matter.

Foolish mouse! His friends wailed. He hardly even knew that cat! Foolish foolish foolish!

He has thought about that, too, the mouse. He thought how he barely knew the cat and yet he has developed feelings as deep as his. He asked himself why. Could it be just the cat's eyes that he liked? He wasnt sure. So what if he barely knew the cat? It did not matter.

Foolish mouse! His friends cried. He fell in love with a cat! A cat! A CAT!Foolish foolish foolish!

He has thought about that, too, the mouse. Falling in love with a cat. He knows the risks. He knows. And yet did it matter to him that he fell in love for a cat? A mouse falling in love with a cat? No. It did not matter.

What was important for him was the feeling. It was the love he could have given. He thought how happy he would have been if the cat liked him too. He thought of how he could endure everyone's gossiping. How he could endure being hurt, just to be with the cat. It was the love he could have given. The love which went to waste. Which went to nothing.

He died inside the cat's stomach thinking about these things. Did it matter to him then that the cat reciprocate his feelings? No. What was more important was that he has shown how he felt. He loved, even if he was not loved back. He loved. Thats it. Thats what matters.

And that was a part of his story. And how is the mouse now? Dead of course. A part of the cat. A part of the cat's poop.

How is Bry now? A part of the cat's poop!

Ahahaha! This is all shit anyway! If I were to see that cat? Id step on it! Id slash its body open! I will hold it by its tail and smash its head to bits on the ground. Ill take its brain, squeeze it in my hand and throw it everywhere! I will take its heart. The heart it denied me. I will eat it! Crush it with my teeth. And spit it out! Spit it out! Hahahaha!

You think I will let myself lose? Hahaha! I do not take failures too easily. Poor you. I will haunt you! Hahaha!