The air was crisp and cold but I wore no jacket. I walked at a brisk pace since I do not want to be late. I do not want him to wait for me for too long. A tricycle was waiting when I reached the main road and I made it to the set meeting place just in time. I climbed one of the escalator-equipped overpasses of Las Pinas and walked towards the red Honda Civic parked in front of 7-11. I cannot see through the one-way windows but I waved. The passenger seat door opened.
"Hi," I said as I eased myself beside my date for the night. He was incredibly small, almost like a child, but he was cute. He was wearing a simple white shirt and short jeans, whose sleeves and legs respectively were folded up to fit him better. He was skinny. Beside him, I positively felt like a hunk.
"So, where are we going?" I asked, trying to hide the slight nervousness which was ever present in all my first dates. An hour has barely passed since we talked to each other for the first time in the virtual world. I knew next to nothing about this guy, other than that he wanted to spend the night with me.
"Secret," he said with a tiny laugh.
I do not usually do meetups for sex alone, and I wouldn't have met this guy if he did not say that this was not just a one night stand. He said he wanted to know me better as well. I told him I was meeting him for his company. He was cute, yes, but I wasn't horny. I felt a little cold inside, to be honest. But if it was sex he wanted, I would try to oblige him.
He drove towards Zapote and we made some small talk. He wasn't particularly interested in me, but I thought maybe he was just focusing on his driving. I can tell he was rich and he was used to giving orders. He had that snobby, authoritative way which was not really unpleasant. I believe I have that air too anyway and we're of the same age.
He turned left towards Cavite and I lost my sense of direction. I was not afraid of being hurt by this small guy, and I trusted him. He turned towards this apartelle and it turned out to be closed. Not surprising since it was the early hours of January 2. He thought for a few seconds and declared that he knew of another suitable place. It took a few more minutes of driving before we arrived at this next one, and thankfully, it was open.
It was my first real "drive through" experience and I was amazed at how discreet it all was, although he complained that the assistants kept looking at us inside the car. He parked inside one garage and the assistant promptly closed the metal shutters. No words at all were exchanged.
I tentatively sat on the bed while he went inside the bathroom first. I wasn't feeling nervous in this case, since amazingly, I felt I was superior to him physically (and I am unused to that) and I confidently stretched my body out on the bed. When he was done, he climbed on the bed with me and the first words he uttered were "Rape me," and he pulled me on him.
I kissed his neck but I felt awkward, and so I asked him "Shouldn't we talk first?" but he only pulled me down back on him and said that there was time for that later. His skin was so smooth it felt pleasant for my lips to make contact with it. His svelte body felt right for me since he was just the right size for my arms and my body. The right size for hugging and cuddling, but unfortunately, that was not what I was meant to do. Like a boss, he made that clear through his actions.
"I like to hug you," I said. He expressed his doubt and implied that I was only pulling his leg and that I was in a relationship. I said I wasn't. "Really?" he asked, a curve on his lips, and then we kissed some more.
There were moments when I really felt it with him, but those were rare. Mostly, I was wondering why I was doing it. Mostly, I was cold inside. And it took me a very long time to end it. He was very patient with me though, and he waited and waited. And waited. Until I came.
We took a shower, and for some, that would have been the moment for more fun and more cuddling. But there was none of those. I tried caressing his shoulder, but the signal was lost on him. Showering was just showering.
Back on the bed, I asked if he was a smoker. "Not really," he said but he joined me nonetheless. He was awfully tired, and his eyes were closed half of the time we were chatting. That wasn't exactly the sign of attention I was seeking. After the sticks burned out, he went on with texting and he buried himself beneath the sheets. "Keep talking to me," he said. As if what he was doing was encouraging for conversation.
He said he'd want to get to know me, I thought to myself. That was the reason why I came in the first place. But it was clear that he'd rather sleep than talk. So when I eased myself beside him, he cuddled closer, lying his head on my chest and slowly, his breathing became deeper.
I wasn't sleepy so I just watched the television, even though I had a hard time deciphering what was going on with the volume turned down so low. I just hugged him while I watched, obediently doing what I was expected to. I hugged him and I made believe that, who knew, there might be something more which can develop between us. He was shivering and I arranged the blanket to cover him better. He cuddled closer and I hugged him tighter. For more than an hour, I barely moved so as not to disturb his sleep. I was patient. I was dutiful.
Then the phone rang to warn us that our three hours were up. I remembered how he said that this could last the whole night if I wanted to, but all he said then was "Let's go." He paid for this room so I had to obey. I would have liked it if we really talked a bit and got to know each other better but it was obvious that I wasn't intended for that.
On our way back to our meeting place, I struggled to analyze the situation. I tried to see if we can be a couple. There wasn't any spark. There wasn't even an interest from his side. Still, I thought that if only we talked more maybe I can judge for sure. But it seemed like I was really just his one night of pleasure. I was used and that was that. Not caring if my part of this bargain was met.
As he stopped in front of the same 7-11, I wondered whether I should kiss him or hold his hand at least before I got out of the car. I looked at him but he seemed distant, and even though he said "Take care. Text text.." I felt he did not really mean it. In fact, he almost chuckled in the middle of saying "Text text" as if even he couldn't hide from himself how absurd the idea was.
I arrived back home a little after 4 and there were no signs that my parents looked for me. I sneaked quietly back into my bed, and hoped that if my Dad (who wakes periodically in the middle of the night) checked and noticed I wasn't on my bed, he'd only think I was downstairs. Or that if he noticed that I went out, he'd think that it was only to buy something.
As I lay down on my bed, I could almost still feel his body on me while he was sleeping. I could still smell him on me. For both of us, it was one last night of pleasure before work began again after the holidays but I doubt if we got real pleasure out of our bodily contact. I couldn't vouch for his feelings, but for me, he only made my night colder. And I wondered, for the nth time, what most gays really get out of this lifestyle of sleeping around.
Still I checked on my phone every so often just to be sure if he would text me of his safe arrival at home. Morning came and still there was none.
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