I can still remember the time when I was filling up my UPCAT application form. Even if I came from a science high school, we did not take the UPCAT for granted. We all felt a mixture of fear and excited anticipation as we were writing down our personal details on the boxes provided in the form. We were in the Guidance Counselor's room, I remember, and my classmates were busy asking each other, talking about what courses they wanted to take in UP. I suppose that for some of them, their parents helped them choose what they want to be in the future. For some, their parents already had grand plans for them, ready to be set in motion. As for me, both my parents did not finish college. It would be pointless asking them what course they would recommend for me. I was, as with how I went through with the rest of my life, on my own in this.
I only had two considerations in choosing my course: that it should be a non-quota course and that it should be something I like. Initially, I wanted to be a chemical engineer but that was a quota course so I chose the next closest thing to it as my first choice: BS Chemistry. I thought that, hey, I'm good in the sciences anyway (although it turned out later in the school year that I was better in Physics). My second choice was Geography, simply because I was fond of maps and atlases and flags and capitals.
Years passed and there I was, graduating BS Chemistry with honors and awards and I thought that, hey I made the right decision. You should really like what you're studying for you to be successful in it.
More years passed and now I find myself unable to obtain my MS degree and I'm thinking now, hey where did I screw up? What the fucking hell went wrong with me? Why did I choose to be a scientist when it is obvious that I clearly do not belong in this environment anymore?
I suppose what went awry with me is that I changed my personality (the term is: unleashed my inner fires) midway through my MS career. I changed a lot and that affected my view on who I want myself to be. When I began my career as an instructor I was dead set on my career as a scientist. I saw myself staying in UP, even making plans to be IC's Director, and simply growing old, teaching all these wonderful students. But then, my eyes were opened. Through my explorations within and without, I discovered a broader view of life and I made a decision to not make things harder on myself if I can. I did not want to be too focused, too limited, too secluded, too absorbed in one thing. I wanted to have a taste of everything. I wanted to enjoy my life. Period.
And more recent events made the matter worse. I was disillusioned, mostly because of the ineptness the people I used to look up to showed me. Mostly because I was shocked to realize how they seem to be as lost as we were about what they really want to do with our careers. The political environment in my workplace really put me off (I really thought that they'd have better things to talk about other than my personal life), somehow proving that myth that some select few scientists really lack social skills. I am not the first one to point this out, but there really is a disconnect between the upper and lower tiers in my old workplace.
It is a combination of both these internal and external factors why I feel like I'm staring anew right now. It's as if I was back in the Guidance Counselor's room, thinking about what I want to be for the rest of my life. And even if there's some small external pressure on me to stay with my Chem career, there's an even bigger force within me, wanting me to go with my heart.
There was this one time when I had lunch with Dr. V and she was asking about what I want to do when it comes to research. I told her that honestly, I had no idea at all. I was momentarily afraid that she might take my audacity to say that the wrong way, but she didn't. She reacted as if I didn't say anything out of the ordinary, and she went on with asking me about what I wanted to do. My immediate answer was that I wanted to teach but I did not want to do research. And she just nodded her head as if the matter was settled. "At least there is something you like to do," she said. "That's already enough."
So as my career debacle comes to a close, I am going to summarize for you the things I have learned from it. Although there is some doubt about whether what I learned will be applicable to other people (I am a highly unique individual), you may still get something out of it. I think.
(1) GO WITH YOUR HEART. Some students often forget that when they're studying, they're doing it to get a job. Sometimes they get lost in the confines of that one particular subject and fail to see the bigger picture. Passing the exam, passing this one subject is not all of it. Always remember your ultimate objective and spend the effort to learn about what jobs you can take after graduating. Imagine yourself that you'll be doing this work for a possibly very long time. If you feel that you cannot imagine doing anything else, this course is for you. No matter how tiring your job may be, as long as you like what you're doing, you'd still find a reason to smile before you go to sleep and wake up the next day, excited to get to work.
There was never a time when going to class felt like work for me. Going to my MS subjects, damned yes, but NEVER in my own classes. So this is how I know that being a teacher is for me.
(2) GO WITH YOUR STRENGTHS. For multi-talented people like me (LOL), it is extra difficult to settle with one thing. An awesome situation will be having a job where you can showcase all of your talents, but if that isn't possible, choose the one you're best at. Let's face it, this is a competitive world. If you're failing in your current job, that doesn't mean that you're a loser. It just means that this isn't the right job for you. Take it from me! (wink!)
I could have chosen to be an events organizer, or a choreographer, or a writer, or an artista. (LOL) but I feel like I won't turn out to be the best in these fields since I lack experience in them. I've been told that I teach well (and with results), so if I wanted to be successful in something, I'm going to stick with that.
(3) MAKE A DIFFERENCE. Well this third one, I think, does not apply to everybody. I just think that it gives extra satisfaction to your life when you know that you are helping the world become a better place in the small way that you can. This is one of the things I love about teaching, and of course doctors feel a similar happiness everytime they cure somebody. But this is not limited to jobs which require you to deal with a huge number of people all at once. You can be a simple saleslady for instance, and a warm smile given to a customer can help make that customer's day a bit brighter. My major point here is, if you are equally talented in several lines of work, why not choose the one which can cause the most impact to humanity? Life is too short to spend only for yourself or the people close to you.
I think this is the major hindrance why I cannot imagine myself working in the industry. I just cannot see how being stuck in a lab, doing routine work (unless I'm researching) can help improve society. I have nothing against those who love this job. As I said, this does not apply to everybody.
(4) BE FINANCIALLY PRACTICAL. It sucks to include this in my list, but we cannot escape the fact that we work in order to earn money. It is with this consideration that sometimes, we have to sacrifice those I listed above. Distasteful.
This is the only thing preventing me from rushing to the mountains and do charity work. Sadly, I do need money too.
(5) FIND SOMETHING WHERE YOU CAN GROW. Not only in terms of job promotion, but also as a person. You have to keep in mind that we are bigger than our careers. This includes finding a friendly workplace and learning something new in your job every time.
I wrote this as my lowest priority since you can find other ways outside your job to develop these other aspects anyway.
So there, reader. This pretty much sums up the things I have learned from this experience. But then again, no matter how we plan, things are always bound to go wrong so my ultimate advice remains: INVEST IN YOURSELF. You've got to fix those personal issues you got going on as soon as possible so you can learn to face these new problems whole and as ready as you can be. It is only thanks to this that I do not feel ashamed of starting again. Things did not work as originally planned, that's true, but I'm still standing proud because I've learned that my career does not define everything that I am.
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For further reading, try one of my most well-liked entries about career: "The Right Path"
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