Nu Porn

I'm tired of that same old porn. I'm tired of steamy bodies fucking each other senseless. I'm tired of pecs and abs and sculpted thighs, arms, and feet. Tired of dicks and balls and assholes and cum shooting all over the place. I'm tired of the sweat and the saliva, the moans and the lapping sounds. They're all very attractive to watch, when you're in that mood. But I'm old and I've been there and I'm telling you it's not as great as it looks. At least for me it isn't.

During my younger years I've wondered whether there was some kind of acting involved in porn. And I don't mean those posing as amateur or voyeur videos. That lust I see on their eyes - is that real? The way they kiss and devour each other - do they really mean it? I've always wanted to be considered cool and being cool, in my book, includes sleeping around and having sex left and right but I've never made myself act like what they do in those porn movies. Some porn movies attempt to inject some semblance of a story in their plot but in the end it boils down to stranger meets stranger, then they fuck. Well, I've been there, and I've fucked with strangers but somehow, I've never managed to match that level of raunchiness those porn stars display.

Everyone needs some sex, sooner or later, unless one is a virgin, asexual, or a plant. Those who are claiming otherwise are either hypocrites or are talented enough to completely curb their basal instincts. And I've met men and women who are prudish on the outside but go on like rabbits when the lights are off. I suppose that for such people, porn movies seem real to them. When you've been bottling up your lust for other people to see, once you let go, I suppose you just kinda explode and you become this animal on the bed. I think I envy those people. Because even if their lives are twisted in this manner, at least they get to feel white hot. Me, I can only manage a yellow flame these days. It leaves me dirty. Sooty. I want to feel white hot too just because I want to feel it all. I want it all.

Not having a boyfriend means resorting to casual sex when you're lucky. If you're not, then it's just you and your hand. But since I'm adept enough when it comes to these things, I've somehow managed to have sex with men hotter than I am. And when you've been there and you've had those men, those porn movies somehow lose their potency. It's like watching a romantic movie when your own love story is so much better. They lose their sense of fantasy, and that takes out much of their vile charm. At times, I wish I hadn't sought after and scored with those men. Maybe I'd still have something to look forward to.

But of course, I still watch porn. Sex is a need as much as hunger or thirst is. You won't be satiated for long. But the kind of porn I like now are those where men kiss like they're really a couple. Like they're in love. The way they look at each other sends me jitters down my spine. The way they smile and hold hands. The way they embrace each other. The way they make love. And I... I miss those days when I'm being intimate with someone I have an affection for. This new kind of porn - it's not sexual porn. It's emotional porn. And unlike the former, this is much harder to find in real life. You can have sex with a hot guy as long as you're persistent enough. But love? This is much harder to find and maintain. And I think that for me, this will remain to be a fantasy.

For now, at least.