Wearing Your Underwear (The Fun Never Stops)

WARNING: May contain adult content.

The next thing I knew I was in your house. I hardly even know your name yet and I kept on trying to recall where I saw your first (on hindsight, it was on Friendster). Everything happened so fast. From the flirting back in the jeepney, our common friends egging us on to you sitting beside me, and all of a sudden my arms were around you and yours were on mine and then we're in your room. It would've been perfect if it wasn't still daylight!

So we were there among your clutter on the floor or on the bed (I can hardly remember) and we were groping each other although I wasn't too keen on it in the beginning. One thing I clearly remember though is that even if I wasn't responsive enough, you still kept on going. I was about to tell you that I'm always like that on the first "night" so you won't be offended until your younger sister peeped in at the window!

We quickly disentangled ourselves from each other and it was a good thing (your sister's timing) that she caught us early - there was no need for more embarrassing... visions. I was shocked and I arranged my clothes quickly and watched you attend to your sister who was beginning to be rather noisy and annoying. Surprisingly, your sister didn't seem surprised at her discovery. It seemed to be normal for her catching his brother in the act and in fact, I was dumbfounded to hear your sister talking to your younger brother who came right after about you giving me a blow.

"Well," she told him, "You know what he likes - lean and fair. He's gonna give him a blow."

What a house your parents were keeping!

After a while of settling them down, you came with me inside the bathroom for some privacy to continue what we were about to do and I was already rather excited about it but then (the fun never stops) your parents came in! So you rushed out to meet them and I can hardly think of an excuse you can make up to explain why a stranger is inside their bathroom. From the narrow door opening (you didn't even close it though I was already wearing little) I saw that your parents were displeased but I was happy that at least, they didn't rush in to throw me out of the house.

It was a long time you made me wait in the bathroom and I was beginning to get cold so I decided to take a shower and that was when I discovered that I was wearing your underwear (how that happened, I can't imagine). Before I could turn on the warm water you came in and approached me and then I felt a vibration near my head which made me open my eyes

to find myself on my dorm bed on my own, bright sunlight streaming in through the window. The vibration was from my fone and I saw that (fuck!) somebody was calling me and (fuck!) it was our Director and (fuck!) we were supposed to have a meeting at 10am and (FUCK!) it was already 10:10!

Danger of a Loaded Gun

Night. Walking along the oval with one peso in my pocket. Mentally and emotionally drained and hadn't eaten yet except for some smokes since the day started. I wished I had my jacket on. It was cold.

A long way to go. Had no choice but to walk with one peso in my pocket. I was waiting for my body to pass out. Surely, it would be minutes from now, I thought. Surely. Surely... only if I wasn't strong enough to handle all these.

Had an exam three hours ago. Studied only for a few minutes. Wasn't in the mood to do some studying. Didn't care about it. Everything in my life seemed in tatters. Didn't care if I failed. I never really cared about grades anyway. Such a small thing compared to what really matters.

It was 1pm when I got out of bed today. I didn't go to my first MS class. I didn't go to my lunch date with my summer friends. I didn't go to the library to study (I didn't even know what the coverage of the exam was). I just didn't want to leave my bed. I just wanted to dream, even if the sunlight was making my eyes squint already.

The first thing I checked upon finally deciding to rouse myself was my fone. The usual four or five messages greeted me. But none of them was my baby's. Or Darwin's rather. No right to call him "baby" anymore, I remembered.

So he wanted to play games? I thought. So he wanted to make me run to him huh? A flicker of emotion to do exactly that, quickly ebbed into apathy. This is the end, I thought. If he's going to do this, it's the end. I didn't want to think any more about it.

To school and responsibilities. Being the Chem 16 lecture coordinator was taking its toll on me. The weight of it on my shoulders. Add the burden of my studies this sem: all of them demanding lots of time. Piles of papers on my table. Loads of quizzes to check. And oh, it was my brother's birthday, and I got an instant reminder of the financial burden my inadequate parents are passing on to me.

Last but not the least, let us not forget Baby's recent death. My ever beloved pet cat died of old age, giving me one less reason to go back to my parents'.

With these unwelcome dark clouds on my head, I went out to the fire escape to have a smoke. Can you not blame me for wanting to die early?

To th exam where I purely relied on my wits since I didn't know a fucking thing about it. To my Chemical Kinetics class where my professor gave us yet another problem set. To the ATM to withdraw some money and finally have some food in me, only to find that my salary was again delayed.

And so there I was, walking along the oval with one peso in my pocket.

No pet cat.

No refuge at home.

No break from studying forever.

No unburdening of my responsibilities at work.

No money.

No baby to go to, to hug and to kiss.

But I've got my smokes and I've got my music. I've got my friends and my students.

I've got me.

And I know I'm made of tough stuff and I'll surely get through all of this one day soon.