Something - perhaps the heat, or the lateness of the hour - made me open my eyes to find myself lying on my bed, my shirt sticking to my sweaty back, the blankets tangled with my legs. The wind was blowing through the half-opened windows, making the bedroom curtains flutter, although the wind did nothing to lessen the heat inside the room.
Normally, I would not have minded one whit about the heat, or how the curtains moved in my room. I wouldn't have given a damn about how late it was (it was probably past noon) or how the bedsheet got disordered and was lying in lumps on the middle of the bed. I wouldn't have given special notice on how late I woke up on a Wednesday. But today was different. Today, I just woke from a dream I've never had before...
I dreamt that I had a younger brother.
First, he was a baby in my mother's arms and I stood beside her looking down at him. Then he was older, and that he can already stand and walk a bit, and I remembered talking to my dad about how old my new brother will be until I had to support his going to school. How old I'd be then. And how a little shocked I have been to take on that responsibility without even consulting my parents.
And then he was a bit older still, his face varying everytime I catch a glimpse of it. Sometimes looking like me, sometimes looking a bit like my other relatives. I called him "payat", like how my mother used to call me. Like most dreams, subtle details vanish, and the last thing that I can recall is that I was hugging my new brother tight, and was fervently saying to myself that I'd be sleeping beside him that night since I seldom get to sleep at home with my family. With my new younger brother... Feeling something so sincere it made me so happy...
And then I woke up. And the realization that it was all a dream hit me hard. Another brother to love. A substitute for David's going crazy...
...
Or perhaps...
...
Maybe...
...
Just maybe...
...
What I really wanted all along was...
...
...
A son?
...
...
But...
...
...
But I'm...
...
...
But I'm not...
...
..
.
.
so ninang ako ha...
ReplyDeletebabies are always good. especially the creating part.
ReplyDelete:p
hmmm... masaya magkaron ng younger bro sir. i remember when gab, my brother, was born. i was only 9 back then. alam mo ba pinagmayabang ko sa classmates ko na may baby brother na ako. hahaha. para pala akong tanga non. ngayon ko lang narealize. pero sa totoo lang masaya talaga. kaya lang nakakainis din minsan. makulit eh.
ReplyDelete