I'm Speaking Up

It was around this same time last year when I was being beaten up on the streets of KNL. Things just happened really fast (like how I lost my fone) that you might think I felt the same helplessness, the same failure to grasp the situation at that fateful moment... (To be continued below)

Preface

It will probably go against me if I admit to my readers that sometimes I go into this what I call "blogging highs" - times when I really feel the need to log in and blog here in Friendster. I've been running this blog for 15 months now and I'm glad that Dusk at Red Island is still running well!

How can I have said that? What proof do I have? Well, it's with the number of regular readers that I have plus the comments that they post occasionally. Not all of my readers post comments though (ehem Doreen), but still I'm glad to announce that as of this moment, I have 27 more comments than entries (excluding my own comments of course). Yipee!

Maintaining a blog isn't that easy. The greatest difficulty is keeping your readers interested. You have to make sure that whenever you post something new, somebody will read it and if it is a good entry, will be affected by it and will post a comment (or two). Or will make them think at the least.

One of the common complaints I get from my readers is that my entries are too long. That actually makes me feel bad because it means that they're really not interested enough in what I'm talking about, or perhaps I don't write that well to keep them glued to their monitors. Hmph! One of my students even said that he doesn't read my blogs because they're written in English! I cannot help if most of the time I feel that I can express more in English rather than in Filipino. It's not like I force myself to write in English ya know...

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The Main Entry

I'm quite fond of starting my entries with describing my surroundings like "It was a cold December night..." or "Dilaw ang ilaw sa paligid..." so expect that I won't do differently with this so-called MAGNANIMOUS entry. Too optimistic, it actually depends on who reads this. If they know enough... My students will probably be clueless. Most of them at least.

Imagine putting yourself in my position. You were walking on the streets of KNL with a friend, enjoying the cool night when suddenly you become aware for a few milliseconds that someone was approaching you very fast on your left side. You cannot see very clearly because that someone is seen only from your peripheral vision. Just as you were about to turn your head to really look at who (or what) it could be (remember, things were happening very fast), a blow lands on your side, together with a muttered oath "&%@#*&%@! Bryan!" (Pause)

Some of you, especially those who are aware or have some idea of what transpired that night are probably questioning at this point what good it will do me to divulge what was sworn not to. I'm not actually going to tell you everything which happened then. I just want to let out all my thoughts on what has happened which were suppressed by the need of avoiding more bloodshed and misunderstandings especially in the faculty room.

Circumstances are different now so I judged that it's already safe, and that it's about time I spoke up and defended my side of the story.

Truth: I (or better put, we) started this cold war between the two batches which thankfully is slowly coming to an end. Before, I had some small grudges for the other party though because I could not understand why they had to be cold to some of my batchmates who were not even involved in what happened. It turned out to be a sorta "batch war", but it's over now at least. And I think what they did was not deliberately done but was simply a result of friendship to who was harmed, if not a very open-minded one.

Truth: I was tossed about like an empty sack while the beating was going on. Believe it or not, I am not a very bad person, and at that time, I was actually preparing myself what to do in case such things happen, and when it did happen that night last year I did what I thought I should do - do not fight back. He had every right to beat the shit out of me and I, on the other hand, do not have a reason to harm him because I knew then, that I was in the wrong. I deserved every blow that I got that night and I have no hard feelings whatsoever to him that night.

If he thinks that I was helpless against him that night (as he has every right to brag about), so be it. You can ask her to confirm that my plan of not fighting back was borne out of good intentions and not lack of courage if you have doubts whether I'm telling the truth about myself.

Unfortunately, my target readers will not be able to read this anyway since they're not my friends here in Friendster and I think they don't want to consider me their friend anymore. I understand that what I did might have been unforgivable but they already forgave her! He even forgave her (but actually, I'm not looking forward to resuming my friendship with him which wasn't really much to tell the truth).

To be fair, I'm not really extending a hand of apology to their party anyway (like what she did). And what we have done now (between me and the other party) is probably the best that could be managed at present. I do miss their friendship every now and then, but I also know that losing that is part of the decision I've made two years ago. I took what I wanted, and I paid for it. I just want them to remember that what had happened was our decision (split evenly), and my involvement in the affair is as deep as hers was, not a shred more.

To those who are still giving me cold shoulders, I want you to rethink. Of course, we'll all side up with our friend who was hurt but there's a certain limit to that don't you think? Especially if you're not really directly involved anyway. Don't you think you might just well be a tad overly reacting? Anyway, it's not like I'm begging them to forgive me. If they don't want me back, it's fine.

If you're wondering about how I feel for him now, my answer would be that I look up to him for handling things as best as he could. There might have been some overlapping of roles or some slights in professionalism but I guess that couldn't be helped.

Laying the blame on other people (or to a specific person) will probably not help since everything is over and done with now. Still, are you aware that everything could have ended way better, and less painful for me if one meddlesome person (not involved) didn't put her hands on things and tried to make things as straight as she thought they should be?

All is over and done with. I forgive everyone. Strong people like us can survive despite outside intervention. Happy new year!