Finally after a long ride, Im settling down to my Chiyo. No more angst. No more bitterness. It is weird sometimes I almost feel that I am married - a weird thing. Very weird especially since i thought that I will never ever get married.
I am buffered against feeling bad things at the moment. I dont even care about my lost fone anymore. I dont even care about losing that fucked up ***. I am just content about the way things are for me.
Imagine that! After all that has happened to me. All the pain Ive put in here. All the shit... I didnt think I would ever come to this point! Now my life has changed. My point of view. My priorities. Almost everything. I havent felt like this before. Its different. I used to be a single human being. Single in the sense that I think about myself first, I live for me. But now it seems like I am living for another one as well. Like I am part of something bigger.
I am just so.. fulfilled and contented. I do not deserve this. But here I am.. Goodbye lonely days. Goodbye sonuvabitch. 2006 is a year of deaths and one of those who left is you. Rest in fucking peace forever!
Wow. It is just so amazing. But I know.. relationships arent always smooth sailing. The storms will come, I know. And yet. Just having this feeling inside me now.. it seems like I can handle all of those. Like they dont really matter.
After a very long war against myself, Ive finally won. Victory at last. I wish I could stay trapped in this state forever.
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