Solemate

"Reason", my 9th album is to be released this Sunday. I'm listening to it right now to get myself in the mood for writing this entry.

It will always be one of my peculiarities I guess - making albums for my friends/students. I haven't met anyone who does this regularly, and distributes them to as many people as I do. Makes a big fuss about it like I do.

Making albums makes me sad in some ways. It makes me realize how lonely I am in this world. How one of a kind I am. How freaky I am. Sometimes it feels good - to realize that there's no out there like you but...

You know, sometimes when you're walking around the campus and you're thinking how come you haven't met that person who is so much like you. How come I haven't met that person whom I can share everything I think of, who will not laugh at my crazy ideas, who will be genuinely interested in my writing, my albums, my thoughts, my feelings. Someone who really gets me 100% all the time.

Your soulmate.

How come I haven't met my soulmate yet?

It just makes me sad, you know. Like after all this time, deep inside, I know that I am still very lonely since I am not able to share all my special thoughts to someone who really understands me. Someone made of the same dark deep emo stuff I am made of.

Is there someone like me out there?

But despite this lonely feeling, I know that there are a lot of peole who cares for me out there. I have a lot of real friends spread out in the universe.

Maybe if I sum them up together, I'll get to know my soulmate. Like parts of my soulmate reside inside my friends.

Like Horcruxes.

So I should kill them all then? Haha crazy.

Still, this doesn't change the fact that 22 years of living hasn't brought anybody completely inside my imaginary world.

Maybe my brother would have. If he was still around.

Hell this made me sad.