Sunday, April 20, 2014

Kanto Boy


It was past one in the morning when I walked out of the convenience store where I first saw him. He was lean, and he looked a little mean and I smiled since he was just my type. He nodded when I came closer but I noticed that he couldn't quite catch my eye.

***

He sat on the couch and I busied myself with mixing our drink. Occasionally, he would pull up his shirt and I couldn't quite feign that I wasn't looking at his abs. He wasn't there for sex, he told me. He was tired of that. He was there for friends and so a friend I would be.

I sat next to him, as a typical friend would. He was hardly talking in the beginning but slowly, the alcohol loosened his tongue. I listened more than I talked. He shared with me how hard his life was. How his family didn't care about him. How he couldn't get a job. How he tried to kill himself by overdosing on this drug but all he ended up with was a headache and I laughed with him when I told him he picked the wrong drug for that.

Then I told him more about me and I said that we were probably on the same boat. That I'm in between jobs and that I'm trying to start anew and that I'm leaving what I was trained to be. That I wish I could help him somehow but as it is, I'm barely keeping myself together. And that was when he finally started to really look at me. I wasn't sitting too close to him since I was acting all proper even though I was dying to get inside his clothes. And as I opened my mouth to continue what I was saying he kissed me.

And it was just like in the movies you know, what happened. I couldn't quite believe it. I've been with many guys but they never kissed me like that. They grope me first or they undress me. Sometimes we don't even get around to kissing, those other guys. But there he was with his hand on the back of my head and we were kissing and we were like, you know, lovers and I thought I liked that.

Then he told me that he'd like to spend the rest of the night with me and I warned him that my parents would see him in the morning but he didn't care about that and he just put his arms around me as we lay down on my bed. And after, when he was hugging me, I felt strange because somehow I felt I was safe with him. I was secure. And with all the men I've dated I realized that I've never really felt like that when I was with them.

***

I saw him often after that night. I'd text him after dinner and I would sneak him inside the house. I'd see him walking down the street with his hands in his pockets, a small grin on his face. And though he lives nearby, he never failed to gussy up everytime that he saw me. He would sit on the couch and I would sit on his lap and he would hug me and we would kiss and then we would fool around on the bed a bit and one time my father even caught us. We were fully dressed though, so it was somewhat okay. As if I cared about what my father would say. My mother did not approve of him though. Because he was a bum and he was your typical kanto boy and he just had this look that he was up to no good but I didn't care. My Mom has no say on who I was dating anyway.

One night I was horny and I wanted to have sex with him but he caught my hand as I was sliding it down his crotch. He asked me whether I loved him and I frowned at that and wondered whether he was joking. And I answered of course I didn't love him. Not yet. And he said no sex until I can tell him that I love him. And I laughed at that but apparently he was serious so no sex for me that night. So we just hugged and kissed and though my balls were blue, inside I was smiling at the thought that guys like him still did exist.

He looks great and all but it was the small things which I liked most about him, really. How he'd like to randomly take his shirt off and how I find that so manly. How he'd be so affected because the book I asked him to read did not have a happy ending he wanted to tear its pages in frustration. How he'd surreptitiously put his arm around me when we're in the jeepney and how he gave challenging looks to those who noticed. How we'd argue sometimes and how he'd say "No, I should be the one to do this because I'm the guy." How he'd ramble on about the cheesy things we would do if we ever got to be together and though I'd roll my eyes I liked hearing them all the same. Or how we'd just laze around on my bed in the afternoon and how he'd spoon me and we'd just lie there like that and how that would make me feel safe and taken care of.

He was a great guy, all in all, but after a while I stopped seeing him. I simply vanished from him without any explanation whatsoever.

And why shouldn't I?

He's got a boyfriend anyway.

And I knew it all along.





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