Fucking Issue

How far is too far?

Last Friday, Chiyo and I came home from dinner with Ate Babeh, Jofel, and Chris at Sarah's. It was a hot and humid night. Chiyo and I decided to take a quick bath before going home to my parents at Las Pinas.

While we were inside the bathroom, somebody came. Of course, we didn't know who it was. It could have been Frose, or Chase, or least likely Kyle. We didn't mind though, since we know that they wouldn't mind us. After, while we were putting on our clothes, somebody knocked on our door. It was Arnie, the caretaker of the boarding house. He gave me a letter, saying that it was from Ate Carmen, the landlady.

It was like I was punched senseless after I read the letter. Of all things that could happen! It says that she was giving us until June to find a new house to live in since we were already acting like a couple - taking a bath together. "Nakakahiya sa mga ibang boarders," it added.

I handed the letter to Chiyo, trying hard to act like I was unaffected. She laughed and snorted after reading it, but we were both silent a long while.

For me, that is one big deal. Being put out of the boarding house because of that! A part of me was angry at Arnie and Ate Carmen, putting their noses in where they don't belong. I think it was Arnie who went inside the room while we were in the bathroom. Hearing our voices inside, he went and told Ate Carmen. The other part of me was a bit ashamed. Well... it was because we did it at 9pm. There were still a lot of boarders watching the TV and I think they have heard our voices coming from the bathroom. I can't remember anything that I might have said to be... well.

What makes this issue more irritating is that why it has to happen now? First, I am still not in the mood to leave the house. I love the rooftop. The place is cheap, and I can walk from there to work. I think I still cannot afford living in an apartment. Second, this thing has to affect other issues - very essential issues concerning our relationship. Just the day before it happened, we had a long talk about stuff, and just when I thought I was doing better, here comes Ate Carmen with his sneaky sidekick Arnie to reruin my life!

That night, when Chiyo and I were in bed at my parents house, I was still thinking about it. Too much so such that I practically pushed Chiyo away when she was cuddling me. It's this fucking issue! Yes, fucking. I mean the word as it is not as an adjective.

Are we going too far? We are of age. We are 21 and we are responsible for our actions. It's not like we will be having an unplanned baby like every other couple these days. Damn it! It was like destroying my momentum. It was like well, finally, I have a girlfriend now. I can put an end to those endless fantasizing when I was younger. And now? Now, are you telling me we are going too far just by taking a bath together?

Okay, to help those who are too naive, it's not just taking a bath that we did. And that fact makes what Ate Carmen said hurt me more. It was because I was guilty.

I am guilty, of sometimes letting my libido take the lead over my brain. There have been a lot of embarrassing moments of being caught by my friends in the boarding house. (Chiyo is not the only one who has seen my thing.) There was even a time when my friends were in the point of talking to us - of making us act more discreetly. Or perhaps more decently?

I am guilty. Yes I am. But one thing I am sure of is that this issue cannot destroy us because in the first place, it isn't the sole basis of our relationship. I am not being a hypocrite. Chiyo and I know the truth about us.

Now, I do not know how this ugly feeling inside me will last. I don't know how high or low Arnie has spread the issue about us. I do not know how my housemates will look at me after what happened. But, really, I don't care much about what they think. If I knew what they were thinking, I think they're just green with envy (and lust) about what we do and can do in the boarding house. <Wink!>

Buzzer: GUILTY!