With the Fireflies

I held his hand and looked away from him, tracing lazy circles on his skin with my fingertips. I felt my heart beating stronger with our touch, a thing which I previously thought can only happen in books. Grinning secretly, I looked outside the taxi window, but I wasn't really focusing on what my eyes were seeing. I was simply savoring his touch and his presence. While it lasts.

I turned my head and found him looking at me. "What?", he asked in his mild voice. "Nothing", I said, smiling sheepishly at him, feeling awkward because I still can't quite believe that my Cookie is actually sitting there beside me and pressing my hand in return. He quirks the corners of his lips at my reply (that, I interpret to be a smile) and gives me one of his mysterious straightforward looks.

***

In the bus, on my way back home, I tried to think of what has happened and what is happening between us. Things I have been dreaming of for a long time are now coming true. It would have felt so good to simply plunge into the moment and wallow in my present happiness. But perhaps, because of the lessons I've learned from my past experiences, something tells me to hold back. To still keep my guard on my emotions until we're both sure of each other.

For now, I'm still in that state of unbelief. I am still stunned that a while ago, I was able to spend my idle hours with Cookie. That a while ago, he was teaching me how to manage my money. That he gave me his business card. That he took my small gift. That he allowed me to take him to class and to take him home.

***

Something which happened earlier:

"What are those? Fireflies?"

"Yep."

The swish of our footsteps on the wet grass, my occasional labored exhalations served as the prelude to one of the most magical moments I've ever had. Even the lights from the passing cars on the road did not seem out of place for that scene. His need to hurry, the rashness of going cross-country, the unexpectedness of the whole situation... All those were, for me, ingredients of wonder. The stars were our only witnesses. And the fireflies, putting their chemical lights on and off as they hovered over that unplottable area, which to me will never be the same again.