The Kill

I know what you're doing so don't take me for a fool. Just because I deflect all your shots, it doesn't mean that I don't feel them. Don't try me. Don't show me that you like me. I've told you to go away, so go. Just go.

I will not let myself be the victim of you and your friends' "sport". You think I'm insensitive? I'm not. You want to see how far you can go? How far I can tolerate your moves? Are you waiting to be tripped to my bed? Well then, trip yourself, because I will not make a move. I'm giving you permission for that.

And how about you? You're not helping either. I know you're aware, and it's my fault I've let you become aware. But why act the way you do? You've got a long way to go to understand these things - you're still a boy. Inside and out. I'm sorry to say it because most may not like it on others, but it's what makes you attractive. And you already know that.

And what about you? I've told you I have my needs, and if you're not filling them up... If you don't want to fill them up... How much longer do you think I can take it? In other circumstances, I would have been more patient but you're not even trying. And you say you can't even explain why? Or maybe you're just skirting away from the truth because you're afraid of hurting me?

It's been so long. I've told you that. And I wasn't kidding then. And I'm not kidding now. It's what makes it harder for me whenever you're away. I have my fucking needs dammit! And you're giving me permission to look for it in other places? You think I was pleased to hear that from you?

Look, I don't want to be angry. I just have to let this out. Because I'm nearing the edge. I'm almost desperate. You told me to take it easy. You want me to be happy as much as possible. You told me not to think too much. And I let you because I want to please you.

Sometimes we need to talk about it you know. To end it. To clarify things. To help me understand you're coldness. You can't avoid issues for long because sooner or later it will come back and will cause us worse consequences.

You already know my insecurities. My defects. Maybe it's time to look into yours. For you to learn to admit that you're not perfect either. This is a two-way process you know.

Now back to you. You say you want to be tripped? Be careful what you wish for because I might just deliberately misunderstand what you want from me. You don't want to wake up in that state.

Mood swings.