I never thought I'd ever say this, but coming back to school had never made me feel this nervous. Two years were enough for me to get over my shock. Two years I've waited for my wounds to heal and get over the trauma of my demise from my beloved home university. Now I'm set and I'm ready to go. I'm ready to fly high again and prove those who turned me down that I wasn't the lost cause they judged me to be. Now another university has embraced me. Another university made me feel needed and loved like never before and now it's high time I return their care. I'm going to give it back and I'm going to do my best to make AdU one of the best chemistry schools in the country!
In UP, all the politicking and backbiting had caused some terrible issues which led to the disillusionment of me and some of my colleagues there. It's true that most of them are excellent in their respective fields. They are some of the best scientists this country has to offer. Everyone is really smart. Everyone thinks they know what is best. But unfortunately, they are not perfect, and they had neglected some important aspects in managing their graduate students and instructors. From them, I've learned that excellence can only get you so far. In the end, I realized that I'd rather work somewhere I feel loved and where people has genuine concern for me than somewhere on the cutting-edge of things but lacks the heart to care.
Now I know that it's not really very nice of me to say bad things about my former workplace. Just because they were not nice to me towards the end should not mean that I should return the favor. I suppose I am only airing out the sentiments of those who are dissatisfied with the system, and if they are reading this then maybe they can prove me wrong by working on these problems I have identified. I mean, I was probably one of the most dedicated instructors there and yet I wasn't even treated with a semblance of gratitude. I would have loved to stay there with them, and I've made this clear with my superiors, but it never made any difference. The best thing I can say though is that even if I'm gone, I know they will be able to manage things there. They will do well on their own and they don't need me. And that's okay, of course.
But here in my new workplace, I have a niche. There are opportunities for improvement. Almost, it is like the bosses here are giving me the authority to really make a difference. Even if I am quite new here, they recognize my abilities, and they are willing to give my plans the go signal. I have long dreamed of founding my own school and I suppose "adopting" AdU is the next best thing to that. If I choose to stay here, I know that I will be the bomb. I will improve the system. I will make the course attractive and competitive with other universities. I will further improve my teaching skills. I will make our department the best one in the university. I am willing to work my ass off to make our department the best that I can make it to be!
I know that I've always been more of an educator than a researcher. I admit that I am not very good with all the planning, the contacts, the sheer effort of conducting a research. I am very poor with organizing stuff, and the fruits of research, though noble and laudable, really do not affect me in the same way as a student thanking me because she learned something new. For me, there's nothing like whipping the class into a learning frenzy. There's nothing like touching lives and changing them for the better. My heart and passion are into education and this is where I belong. This is where I can make a bigger impact.
In the same way that I acknowledge my deficient research skills, I also humbly (choz!) recognize that I am probably one of the best chemistry teachers there is. My evaluation has never failed to prove this. And I think I do well in this because I really want my students to learn. It's that simple. Although my communication skills probably play a big part as well. My ability to look at the topic from the student's perspective. My ability to relate to them. All these, I suppose, had been crucial to my relative success. At the moment, actually, I am not exerting much of an effort when I teach. I do prepare, of course, but mostly what happens is spontaneous. What more can I achieve if I really set my mind into doing this? How much more can I contribute to chemistry education if I give this my all?
I am thankful to UP for training me this well. My interactions with the professors there, the knowledge they bestowed, the huge tasks they used to assign to me - these gave me the skills I needed to do well in my field. A great way to return the favor would have been to give it back by working for them. But since I'm denied that now, what I can do instead is to source that excellence out and spread it to others. I used to be a leaf, a part of UP's tree. But I've fallen and I've been cast down. And instead of doing nothing by withering away, I will transform myself into a seed from which a new tree will grow. I will dedicate my life into this task. And maybe one day, my tree will equal the tree from which I came from.
For once, I've never seen my career path to be clearer. The dust is settling down and I think I'm ready to take this road being offered to me. Two years is enough time for moping. Now I'm stepping forward. I'm bringing awesome back into my life and in doing so, I will be able to share this awesomeness to others.
You wait, world. I'm back in this game!
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