Dawn at Red Island

It has always been my bad habit to focus on the things which are wrong in my life. Ever since, I've always talked about my failures and deficiencies, lost relationships, things I cannot have... I was blinded by these faults in my personality and in my surroundings. Time and again, I've continually picked at the holes in my life's tapestry, letting myself be carried away by my own self-pity and my overly-analytical mind coupled with my overly-emotional heart.

That phase in my life, I believe, has come to an end.

From now on, I will focus on the things which I have, which after some reflection, are not bad at all.

First, I have a good job. I am an instructor at the premiere university in the country, of a subject that the university excels in. Chancellor Cao was right, I am a part of the best of the best. Few can become UP students but fewer are qualified to be UP instructors. I am proud of my job.

Second, I am working in an intellectual community. I am taking my MS degree and that keeps my brain sharp. I enjoy what I'm learning. I like it how biochemistry can make impossibilities (like me having superpowers) closer to reality. And grade-wise, I think I still am closer to the top than to the bottom.

Third, I am rather famous. With every sem that passes, more UP students get to hear of my name. Being famous has always been one of my life's dearest ambitions and I never thought teaching will give me that!

Fourth, I love my students and I suppose most of them love me back. I love teaching them about chemistry, life, and love. I get to know really good friends and the love I get in return is priceless. I virtually have a real army of friends (hundreds of them) behind me!

Fifth, I am living comfortably. I'm staying in a new and nice dormitory. I can afford to splurge a little on things that I like. True, I still cannot buy everything that I want but at this point, I am getting enough and I am contented with the possessions that I have.

Sixth, I am remembered. My relatives notice when I'm not present family gatherings. My relatives ask how I am doing. My students and friends remember me by texting me quotes, posting comments, sending messages, inviting me to events occasionally. My company is wanted. And my monthly friendster viewings (so far) have not fallen below the hundred level.

Seventh, I am living the life that I want. I am free to do what I want to do. I am free to express myself and to be who I really am. I do not feel threatened to stop being me and people like me just the way I am.

And lastly,
the reason why I'm feeling so good right now
that no matter what kind of problems you throw at me, I know that somehow I'm going to be okay because I have the greatest treasure life has to offer


I've got true love
I have my baby


And that is a reason to celebrate

:)

I Wanna Suck You

I wanna kiss you and suck you til you're dry. I wanna suck you til you're devoid of life. I wanna suck you til you beg me to stop, though I know you don't have the means to resist. Once I ignite you, you're putty in my hands.

I wanna suck you anytime, anywhere. I don't think many can have sucking here in school, but we know secret places they don't. So I suck you almost everyday, whenever I have the time. Before classes, before taking exams. We sneak to our secret place and you let me suck you til you're hot and I'm satisfied. Other teachers may see me, and know that I'm getting myself some (for the nth time), but I don't care. They're too good and normal. They don't suck as often as I do. Most haven't done any sucking at all.

So I suck. I suck you until my throat is dry. I suck you and let you into my deepest crevices, and I get high. Oh, how I get high.

Those around me tell me it's bad, sucking you. Some tell me to do it less often. But I don't listen to them. They're just jealous and they don't understand. This is between you and me. I want it, and you're willing to let me have you so I suck you. And I get you hot then you let me put my lips on you. Simple as that.

Now enough of this entry. I wanna get myself some throat-deep sucking.

***

Wow what an entry. Somebody should help me quit smoking.

This Blog

Ah. It's been ages since I've been here in this blog. The longest time I've gone without rattling the keyboard. So much for that "regularly annoying" blogger...

There was a reason, reader, why I was away. For one, I have been very busy with work and my acads. For another, I got sick. You've missed a lot of happenings in my life, reader. The anniversary, my aunt's death, things at home, my escapades, and discoveries about myself. And I missed recording the significant ones here. It is my loss.

There was a time, reader, some days ago, when I thought that blogging was just a phase in my life and that I'm over it now. For the first time, I felt that I needed no audience. I needed no outlet. That I was complete and that writing, from then on, would be a chore.

I was afraid of that feeling. I was afraid of that big change in me. For two years, aside from my albums, this blog was the most constant thing in my life. This blog was my free domain, where I can say almost anything that I want. This blog contained almost everything that happened. I lived in this blog. I've made a world out of my entries and now, I'm having thoughts of quitting?

Then, I realize, reader, what my utmost reason in writing is. I learned that it wasn't really for the comments or for the attention. It was not really for self-actualization or for self-expression. I discovered that I write simply for myself. For the small pleasure I get seeing my words on the screen.

I change, reader. And there may come a day when no more entries will come out of this blog. But even so, what I've written here will remain as a testament of the life I once lived. I am proud of that life. I may have made a fool out of myself a number of times. I may have hurt some people, but I don't regret the things I've revealed in here. That was who I was.

Ah. I'm rambling and being emo. Bye for now.

I missed being in here.

Music Update: Electrique Cools It Down with "The Ice"

Oh well, here I go again planning my next album...

SOMEWHERE IN HYPERSPACE....

Q: There's this amazing gossip that your next album, against all custom, will be a hyped up dance album! Is there any truth in that rumor?

A: That is very true, Q.

Q: Oh wow! What brought in this sudden change?

A: Well, I've always wanted to make something new everytime I release an album. I had the initial idea last sem, while I was making "Reason". That album was, you know, very serious and toned down and I thought: What if I make a completely opposite album next sem?

Q: Oh wow. This sounds exciting!

A: Very. I am enjoying making this album. So much fun!

Q: Since this will be an upbeat album, will there be room for you to share your experiences like with all your previous albums?

A: Not in an explicit manner like with my previous works where the lyrics are meaningful. The objective of this album is for my listeners to have fun - that's all. As I've mentioned in an announcement in Aldasiel's Army, there is a time to be sad and a time to be happy. At this point in my life, especially with the closure which was "Reason", there is absolutely no more reason for me to be emotional. I've vented out my angst, my tears, my wounds. It's time for me to celebrate.

Q: In that case, how will this album be different from "Forca", since it was also a "celebration of life"?

A: "Forca" was a greatest hits album, and hence, I had limited room to really make a unifying theme for it. That album did contain some happy songs but they were not dance tracks. "The Ice" will be made exclusively of dance tracks.

Q: Why the title?

A: When this album is done, it will undoubtedly be my coolest album. Also, it came from the title of the supposedly lead single of this album. I don't want to spoil the surprise so I have to leave it at that.

Q: Do you fear that "The Ice" might be viewed by some as a step back in your music?

A: If they want to view it on surface level. In some ways, this album may even be more mature than "Reason". And besides, just because I classify it as an all-dance album doesn't mean it has to be cheap. I have three rules in selecting songs for "The Ice". The songs have to be cool to the ears, high-powered, and relatively fresh.

Q: I am so excited with this new turn of events in Electrique. Which artists have you enlisted to work with you for this record?

A: I have Kylie Minogue, Britney Spears, Gwen Stefani, and the Spice Girls currently on my list.

Q: An all-girl cast?

A: As of now... I couldn't help it. These artists are the leaders when it comes to popular dance music. Given time, I will of course shift my attention to other artists. As long as the sound fits, I will include it.

Q: Any messages to your listeners who, I am sure, are avidly waiting for this album?

A: Brace yourselves for this one. There is nothing like the excitement one gets whjen listening to a new good upbeat song. I'm sure most of my listeners aren't strangers to this new music high. I assure you, this will be the best dance collection you've ever heard in your life.

Q: Strong words. Whether they be true or not, I can't wait for it to be completed this March!

A: I share your excitement, Q.

***

NOTE: Electrique will conduct soft launches of this album in selected private events across the metro, especially this Christmas season. Watch out.

Remember the Spice Girls

I remember the Spice Girls. I remember the high school days. I remember pop music and how it still defines my musical taste to this day.

I remember the fun and friendship. Those days when I still consider myself young and innocent. From Wannabe to Let Love Lead the Way, I've followed the Spice Girls music. I know all their songs and have all their albums, and I am far from being their number one fan.

I remember elementary school where my classmates were singing "2 Become 1" from a songhits. I remember how I'll always play "Mama" during Mother's Day. I remember how Bubble Gang made a spoof of "Who Do You Think You Are". I remember myself waiting for the radio to play "Spice Up Your Life" so I will be able to record it with my cassette player. I remember how we used to dance to "Stop" and how we listened to "Viva Forever", feeling glum because Geri has left.

Now the Spice Girls are together again. But the younger generation will not be able to appreciate them as much as we did. Because they don't have the memories we have.

The Spice Girls is but one reminder of how much everyone has changed. They say I've changed more than most. I keep saying I've changed for the better yet it hurts to remember who I used to be.

I'm older and still getting older, and people are changing. At least I should be thankful I've had moments I can look back to.

Cheers to the Spice Girls. For reminding us of those days.

Maybe they'll have a spot in my upcoming album.

Bisexuality 101

I have been thinking lately about what the biological purpose of homsexuality and bisexuality is, and after doing some research, I have actually found that it is very prevalent among animals (and I'm not just referring to hermaphroditic species.) It seems that nature uses bisexuality in order to control the animal population. For example, hormone levels, depending on the season will encourage an animal to mate with either the same or the opposite sex. There are other cases wherein some animals simply choose to mate with those of the same sex even if the opposite sex is available.

[Sidenote: R. C.'s will really find it difficult to dodge this attack on their narrow beliefs]

Wikipedia mentions some bisexual history, including those of Japan and Greece. Spartans were actually encouraged to develop homosexual relationships while young, believing that "love" with each other will enhance their battling abilities. And in Japan, there's a practice called sho-something (I forgot) wherein a young man entertains an older man. There's even a jar relic from Greece depicting a man about to have sex with another man while another man watches (Wikipedia will satisfy your curiosity.)

Anyway, here's a sort of Q & A I got from the net. Maybe this will open your minds a li'l bit more. I find this really enlightening myself:

What’s Your "Bi-Q"?

Many of us who are straight, gay or lesbian have limited knowledge of what it really means to be bisexual. Unfortunately we have all received lots of inaccurate information or no information at all about bisexuality. Here are some commonly asked questions with answers by the Bisexual Resource Center (www.biresouce.org).

Q: So what exactly is a Bisexual? A: A Bisexual is someone who is sexually and emotionally attracted to men or women (and some would say to all genders).

Q: So they're equally interested in men and women?
A: Not necessarily. Some are, some aren't. Some say they're attracted to men and women in different ways, others say gender just isn't relevant to who they're interested in.

Q: Doesn't being interested in both genders mean they're only half as interested in either?
A: Most Bisexuals will probably say that when they're interested in someone, they're interested in them 100%.

Q: Aren't people really either heterosexual or homosexual?
A: No. It's well recognized in medical and psychological circles that bisexuality is a very real and genuine sexuality. But anyway, there are plenty of Bisexuals around who can tell you that.

Q: Isn't it just a phase?
A: No more than being heterosexual or homosexual is.

Q: But isn't it a transition to being lesbian or gay?
A: Maybe for some people. Some lesbians or gay men "come out" as Bisexual first, but most Bisexuals remain bisexual for the rest of their lives.

Q: But surely they're just confused, they haven't made up their minds yet?
A: Don't make the mistake of assuming there are only 2 options to choose from. Bisexuality is an option in its own right. A lack of information about Bisexuality is probably the cause of most confusion a bisexual might feel.

Q: Didn't Freud think we're all Bisexual?
A: Not quite - Freud thought we were all born Bisexual, and may develop a preference later in life. No one is really quite sure about this, but most people have had at least some feeling for both genders at some stage in their lives.

Q: Suppose I have - does that mean I'm bisexual too?
A: Strictly speaking, maybe. But what you call yourself is up to you. Some may feel the attraction they feel for one gender isn't enough to call themselves Bisexual. Some people have other reasons for not identifying as Bisexual, as well.

Q: Like what?
A: Some people may want to feel "normal" and think of themselves as heterosexual. Others for political or social reasons may wish to identify with the Lesbian & Gay communities.

Q: Doesn't the term "Lesbian & Gay" include "Bisexual" as well?
A: That's a hot issue for some people. Some people think so, but there are plenty (bisexual and otherwise) who disagree. Lesbians fought for the right to be explicitly named, because they felt invisible. That battle is still going on for Bisexuals.

Q: So why aren't the Bisexuals more visible?
A: Well, no-one walks around with "Bisexual" stamped on their foreheads. It's very easy to miss them. If you see 2 people of the same gender kissing, you don't think to ask if they might be bisexual. And they might be. Similarly, if you see a man and a woman kissing, either of them might be bisexual, too.

Also, there's a real lack of information about bisexuality in our libraries and the media. And there are very few organizations that specifically address Bisexual issues. Some bisexual people have felt as if no-one knows they even exist.

Q: Haven't they received a lot of publicity for spreading AIDS?
A: Bisexuals have been targeted as scapegoats by people who think of AIDS as being a "Gay disease." Bisexuals are thought to be a "bridge" group between the heterosexual and homosexual communities.

Let's get things straight (forgive the pun). One thing spreads AIDS: taking someone else's bodily fluids (like blood or semen) into your body. The AIDS virus neither knows nor cares what your sexuality is. Safe sex will go a long way towards helping stop the spread of AIDS, and everyone - bisexual, straight, or whatever - needs to pay attention to that.

***

I saw a shirt once saying "Smile if you're gay". Haha. But I wasn't brave enough to wear that. And I still am not. But I am satisfied with how I express myself at present.

The Fire Escape

These days, the faculty room is agog with piles of exams, postlabs, formal reports to check. Stress levels are high. Instructors cramming for the deadline for the submission of grades, their hands smudged with red ink. Microsoft Excel in laptops wherever you turn. Instructors making exams, shuffling through books and piles of notes and previous exams, debating with each other about how difficult or how easy the exam should be. Instructors themselves studying for their own masterals exams. So much paper everywhere that it appears I can almost swim in a pool of lab reports.

My table is undoubtedly a mess. In fact, it's the messiest one in the faculty room at the moment. Towers of old papers piled so high I'm in danger of being crushed beneath them. Farewell tokens given to me by my students in danger of being lost beneath the dust. I've jokingly told my colleagues that there might already be living things (cats or some other) housed underneath all my stuff, and that if I suddenly vanish, it means that I simply got lost among my things.

Always, I've set myself a date when I'd clean and sort all those papers but I just can't have the heart to rummage through my past students' lab notebooks and papers. Foolish. I don't want to be overwhelmed by flashbacks and memories. I can't throw them away. Somehow, it seems better to just let them lie there, though I know sooner or later, I really have to organize my things.

So many papers for me to check. So many tasks and duties. So many responsibilities. So many names... and memories. Gone.

Amidst the busyness of my colleagues and the clutter of my own table, I found myself walking through the back of the faculty room. I unlocked the barred forgotten door and walked out into the open air. I was again, on my own in my special place. The secret fire escape.

I rummaged through my pockets and brought out my smokes and my lighter. Smoking has been forbidden in UP, and it has become increasingly difficult to obtain smokes much less to smoke in the places I used to frequent. I lit a stick of my staple Marlboro Menthol and inhaled the smoke, hoping to be relieved of my present worries. With my earphones on, my relaxation was complete. A sigh of contentment escaped me as I listened to music from my albums, My Own Radio. A simple pleasure I enjoy fully.

"It's Britney, bitch..." my Walkman fone told me.

I smiled and stared at the sky as I momentarily forgot about my duties, alone in my own haven, cigarette smoke coming up in spirals and swirls around me.

On the other side of the wall, time continued to pass.