The Sweetest Fun

The effect of writing too late is that you lose the emotion. How can I write well about something which has happened yesterday?

I have escaped. Forced to escape better. Left behind. I dont matter. It is hard to know that after all that you have done, you just dont matter enough to keep. Why are some people like that?

Last night when I arrived at the boarding house.. I went straight to my bed. I lay down. And cried while listening to Back For More. I was not saying goodbye to <runner>, I was saying goodbye to memories. After all, no matter how silly the reason, <runner> was still a part of my life..

Oh those memories.. Those days. Theyre gone. Taken from me. Never will they happen again. They dont matter to <runner>. No. They dont matter. <Runner> wants to leave them behind. Leave me behind. When Ive done nothing wrong but.. be myself.

I just didnt want to lose another person in my life again. But it has to happen again! I had to suffer again! You might not deserve it but.. Im.. I..

I hate myself when I sound mushy about that fucking <toot!>. I really do not feel anything of the sort! (yeah?) Yeah.

Anyway, I cried that night. I havent cried like that in months. Fortunately, I was the only one at the boarding house. While I was crying, I was looking for this person. Someone whom I wanted to hug, someone who's shoulder I want to cry to - my mom. Yeah.. I am not going to deny that I would have liked her to be there. Even if she is unaware of the things which have happened to me, I knew that she would understand. Even if were not that close.. I was just so hurt...

This entry sounds fragmented. Because.. I am still.. I dont know. Not ok? Maybe. Confused why I am so affected.. When nothing happened? Why did <runner> react that way?

Hey Mom
Why didn't you tell me
Why didn't you teach me a thing or two
You just let me go
Out into the World
You never thought to share what you knew

So I walked under a bus
I got hit by a train
Keep falling in love
Which is kinda the same
I've sunk out at sea
Crashed my car, gone insane
And it felt so good
I want to do it again

Hey Mom
Why didn't you warn me
Coz about boys is something i should have known
They're like chocolate cake
Like cigarettes
I know they're bad for me
But I just can't leave 'em alone

So I walked under a bus
I got hit by a train
Keep falling in love
Which is kinda the same
I've sunk out at sea
Crashed my car, gone insane
And it felt so good
I want to do it again

I wanna do it again
Oh, felt so good

Hey Mom
Since we're talking
What was it like when you were young
Has the world changed
Or is it still the same
A man can kill and still be the sweetest fun