Fancy

It was six in the morning and I
Was freshened up for school
I took a UV Express van and
Sat in front of
This good-looking guy
He was perhaps
In his early twenties
And he had a black Alaxan shirt on
Of all things
But he paired it with
Nice-fitting charcoal jeans
A red backpack on his lap
Color-matched with his red loafers
Showing his ankles
And I saw all these because
I checked him out, top
To toe

But it was his face, you see
It was his face
Which made me do a double-take
For he looked just like
The first guy I fell in love with
And though I know
It would be a stretch
To see him there in front of me
After all these years
I heard that he was working in the south
So really, it could be him
For all I knew
But of course, he didn't recognize me
For he wasn't even looking at me
Since he was
Asleep

And it was all fancy
I admit
An embarrassing sort of fancy
With me imagining that he was mine
And I thought of
How it would have felt
To have him lean his head
On my shoulder
Instead of on the back of the
Cold and lifeless seat
To his right
How it would have felt
To hold his backpack for him
So that he would be
More comfortable
How it would have felt
For him to rely on me
To wake him up at the right time
So he wouldn't miss
His stop

He was asleep so I
Had the liberty to inspect his face
As I would have if he were mine
My eyes traced
The features of his face
As if they were my hands
And I imagined
Waking up beside him
In the morning
And giving him the lightest
Of kisses
On his forehead
On his cheek
On his lips
Or how my hand will gently
Brush away his slightly unkempt hair
Away from his ears
And how that will wake him up
His eyes locking onto mine
And he would smile
At me
And I know for sure
Even if it was all my fancy
That that would be
Divine

And I know I'm old
And I've been there
And everyone says that
I've been there and back
And they expect better things from me now
And I expect better things from me too
But sometimes
I cannot pretend anymore
I cannot pretend that I'm over with love
No matter what I may say
That after all that has happened
Deep inside
I'm still this
Lovestruck boy
Trying his luck
And never giving up
What I say to others
I'm just cloaking them with
Big words
Fancy words
Intellectual words
Take them all away
And you'll find
That all the same, I'm only
Lonely

Sometimes I
Consider myself lucky
Because I can conjure up
These powerful images
In my head
And I can make them so strong
That I can make them real
In my head
That I can feel what I cannot feel
In real life
That at least, as long as I have
My imagination
I would never feel
That emotional void which we're all
Trying to avoid
But perhaps, these heights
These temporary highs
I induce in myself
Are only making the lows
All the more difficult to bear
Like tonight
When I have nobody but
My emotions for company
Like tonight
When I am left staring
Into the
Night