So there I was. Lost in a city I've never been in and walking to and fro, glancing into streets and looking for hotel signs. I saw couples dating, sitting on benches in the park. Groups of friends in cool outfits, going out on a Friday night. I kept walking. And though the waiting tricycle drivers might be getting suspicious with me passing them by for the nth time, I pretended that I had a destination. I wasn't afraid though. I knew that as long as I didn't go too far from the centro, I'd be alright. And if the worst happened and I wasn't able to find a place to stay, I could always go to the police station and ask for some assistance. Those were the two important things I learned on this trip so far to avoid getting lost - find the town center and the nearest police station.
After less than thirty minutes, I found a hotel sign which looked passable. And by passable I mean that it was neither too shabby nor too expensive. I walked inside and went up to the second floor where the reception desk was. I found out that it was mostly a sex hotel since their rates are measured by the hour. I checked in for 12 hours in their cheapest room and allowed the room boy to lead the way.
The room I got was on the 4th floor and it turned out okay. I had an electric fan turned on at the highest speed, a TV with cable, a surprisingly comfortable bed, a very narrow comfort room, and best of all, an ashtray. It was clean and not too scary-looking and that was enough. I changed my clothes and went out to buy some food from the convenience store.
When I got back, there was someone sweeping on the third floor. At first I thought it was the room boy who escorted me earlier but when I saw the arm holding the dustpan, I knew it couldn't be since this arm was fair and muscular. My eyes traced that arm to the face where it belonged and for a microsecond I stopped climbing the stairs. Hunger. I felt hunger, strong and pure and I knew that I hadn't seen a room boy as attractive as he was. Why, he did not look like a room boy at all even if he was wearing their uniform. He looked like... I don't know. Maybe a prince? He was that good-looking.
He looked at me and though I (unconsciously) tried to hold his gaze, he went back to work. I knew that I couldn't just stay there and stare so I had to walk past him and climb the next flight of stairs though I noticed that I did so much more slowly.
I was watching American Idol while lying on my bed but I still couldn't get him off my mind so I made a plan to be able to see him again. I went down to the lobby and ordered some coffee (though I already bought one from the convenience store earlier) from the receptionist and there he was, resting on the sofa and watching TV. He was sitting behind me though and even if I wanted to turn and simply look at him, I couldn't without me being too obvious. I had a hunch that the girl receptionist had a crush on him too (she wouldn't be able to help it) and I fancied that a fight over him there will be if I so much as hinted that I liked him in front of her. After paying, I stood there, waiting for my coffee but the receptionist told me that it will be delivered to my room (yay!) so up I went.
After closing the door, I sat on the edge of my bed and hoped (with all my might) that he will bring me my coffee. Surely, that was part of his job. Surely, it couldn't be the security guard or the receptionist. Surely.
I couldn't contain my excitement. So I snatched up the hotel policies, read it, and gave lewd meanings to "the hotel staff will also provide additional services to guests if the need arises." I also studied the fire escape map and took note of the staff room or the stock room or other places where he might be found.
While waiting, I imagined all sorts of scenarios which could bring him inside my room. I imagined spilling the coffee on me and asking his help to change my clothes. I imagined spilling it on the floor and when we both kneel down to clean it, we'll kiss. I imagined giving him a tip and talking to him through my eyes that I wanted his company and he would go inside, sit on my bed, and he would hold me.
He would put his arm around me or he would hold my hand and he would look curiously at me. And he would ask my name and where I'm from and I would tell him my story - starting from my flight and ending with how I got there in his city. And he wouldn't know the right words to say, I know. And he wouldn't be able to make things right and I know that too. But it just gets lonely, traveling all by yourself and not being able to talk to anyone. And me alone in my room. Always alone in my room.
Then someone was knocking on my door so I stood up, took some money out of my pocket (for his tip) and opened the door. And there he was! There he was, so close! He had his head down so I couldn't catch his eye and he handed me the coffee on a platter and I placed it on my table but when I turned back he was gone and the money was still on my hands. Why was he avoiding my eye? Did he think I had somebody in my room? Didn't the receptionist tell him I was alone?
After an hour, I went down to the lobby again. I wasn't giving up. One last glance and I'd be okay. One last try. But he wasn't in the lobby. He wasn't in the third floor. He wasn't on the couch in the first floor. He was nowhere to be found.
I ended up walking til I was outside the building. And I just stood there and smoked, gazing at this new city around me and I pretended I was Joseph Gordon-Levitt in "Mysterious Skin" and that someone will pick me up. I was outside this shady hotel and I was waiting and I was smoking and I was pretending to be a callboy. Someone will pick me up soon, I thought as I eyed strangers who were eyeing me back.
"What is there to lose" I thought, "when I've tried to give up my life already?"
Punta ka Batanes. Wala lang,
ReplyDeleteI hope you were able to find whatever it is you're looking for. :)
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