Fun

It was early morning and we were out on the streets. He was drunk and he had his arm over my shoulder. I was supporting him. He couldn't walk straight. I didn't know where I was so occasionally I had to rouse him up to ask him where to go next. I was drunk myself but my concern for him sobered me up. It wouldn't do me good to lose my wits in that place. I didn't know anyone there, not even the guy I was with.

Our bodies were really close together, mine and his. It had been some time since I had been close with anyone in that way. Publicly, at least. And since the streets were empty, I could look at him without tripping or bumping on anything. And I saw how attractive he was from that angle. So I stole a kiss from him while he wasn't looking. And I thought he wouldn't notice from the way his legs were crossing while he was walking but he looked at me and he smiled.

"Do you want to go home?" he asked, his voice hazy. "I don't want to go home. Where do we go next?"

"I don't know," I answered. "I don't know this place."

Soon, we passed an unlit part of the road and he pulled my shirt up. He placed his hands inside my jeans while we were still walking.

"Not here," I hissed, half-laughing half-panicking. "Not here, we'll be seen."

And I tried to grab his arm to pull it away even though I was excited about the prospect myself. But it simply wouldn't do to do it then and there. We have reached a busy road and though it's late, there were still the occasional cars. And the occasional security guards on the villages we were passing.

It took a surprisingly short time to reach the main road where he hailed a jeepney. I still did not know where we were going but he seemed to be sober enough to tell the driver our destination.

My date was sitting too closely and he was leaning on me and I knew the other passengers of the jeep couldn't fail to notice that we were together. I tried to look at how they'd react but they looked too tired or too drunk to care. He felt nice beside me and I realized that I was happy to have him there with me.

We got off at an intersection and I still did not know where we were. He pulled me to this apartelle a few meters away from the road. I told him I did not bring a lot of money with me but he told me not to worry. From the practiced way of how he was leading me on, I felt that he had been there many times before.

We paid a room for two hours and when we got inside it he immediately undressed and he took a shower. He was wearing nice underwear I noticed and it made me conscious about mine. It was a measure of how unplanned it all was that I wasn't wearing my sexytime undies that night.

After my turn in the shower I found him sprawled on the bed with only his underwear on. He seemed to be sleeping. But of course, we did not go there to sleep so I got on top of him and kissed his neck. And that roused him up nicely.

And then we got undressed and when he saw me he was impressed and he said that he wanted me to fuck him and I got scared. He asked me why and I told him I'm no good with that and that I don't really like penetrating I like to do other stuff and he said okay. He asked me if I wanted to be fucked and I said no right away and I was thankful he didn't push me like the others did. But he asked to be fucked again and I desisted again. Yet still he persisted and he coaxed me and enticed me by asking me wasn't he hot and didn't I want to feel how warm he is inside. Wasn't he a catch? Wasn't he? Wasn't he?

And so I tried and then I was there and he kept asking did it feel good and I said yes although it did not really feel that good but what was I to say? And I kept on at it even though I didn't want to anymore and though I know his body was hot enough for me he was still nobody. And my sweat was starting to drip down on him and it was no good but still I went on though in my head I apologized to all of my ex's though I did not really understand why.

The he asked me whether I was close because he said he was and I told him to go ahead because I was far from being close but he told me no, let's go at the same time but I said no go ahead and finally he did and I was thankful it was over. Then he said it was my turn so I did the things I like to do but I still had trouble and I did not understand why but then the phone rang to tell us that our time was up.

He was still on the bed and he told me to be quick about mine but I said no it was okay we had to go get ourselves clean now and I thought it was strange that he was sad about it though he already came. He stayed on the bed and asked me one more time to go ahead but I said no, it was okay.

We went out of the building arm-in-arm and it felt strange to still find him that touchy after. He didn't really care whether we were seen and finally I had to go remove my arm from his shoulder because dawn was approaching and there were more people about. He didn't remove his arm though.

We stopped on a street corner to smoke and he asked me whether I liked him. And I said "Like you in what manner?" though I know what he meant. And he said, "No you don't like me" but I said I did but he answered "You don't like me enough."

And you'd expect me to pounce on that moment, the hopeless romantic that I am, but I did not because I just thought it was much too early for love and that we simply had fun that night.

We stood there for a few more minutes, with him doing most of the talking. He kept asking me to take care of myself because he was not going to text me anymore. He looked at me carefully to see whether I was hurt but I told him I was no innocent and that I understood.  "You think this was my first time?" I told him, smiling. And that shut him up nicely. "But you can visit me in my shop if you want," he added. "You know where I work now."

We reached the part where he can ride a jeepney home and after we said our goodbyes he added, "You know, tonight was really special." But I cut him off by snorting involuntarily and he sounded a bit hurt when he softly said "You don't believe me" but I said nothing to that because it was all becoming too confusing with him and his mixed signals.

I watched him walk away and when he glanced back I waved one last time. I stood there watching him longer than necessary. I know now that I shouldn't have but at the time it felt like the right thing to do.

I crossed the street and I noticed how I could still smell him on me. That brought a rare smile to my face but then I remembered that was always the case when I've been with someone and I was reminded of how long I've been doing this.

The sky was beginning to lighten when I got home and as I sat on the couch to take off my shoes I realized that I was missing him already. And that simply wouldn't do. I shouldn't be clingy.

And it was just for fun.

Just for fun.

A week after, I finally thought it safe to text him again.

He did not reply. And I thought that he probably did not even save my number.

It was just for fun, I reminded myself.

Just for fun.