Friday, June 30, 2006

Blah Blog

Good evening class, our lesson for today is about blogging. Ano ba ang blog? Paano nga ba mag-blog? Ano ba ang katuturan nito sa ating buhay? Makakain ko ba ito? Let's answer these questions one by one. If you have any questions, simply raise your hand. There is no need to rise from your seats.



First, let's talk about the term. Blog, as most of you already know, came from the word "weblog" from which we might deduce as a log of events published in the web. Hence, it is an open journal of whatever you want to record. Depending on where you publish it, other people may be able to view your entries as they wish.



There are many popular places where you can write your blog, aside from your own website, if you have any. There is Friendster for one thing, which wasn't really meant to be a blogging website. (You might have noticed that Friendster, lately, has given more focus on its user's blogs, which is a very good thing for bloggers like me.) There is also the quite popular LiveJournal (I have an account there, too, but those who I want to view my entries are here in Friendster so I don't post there as often), Blogspot (the original blog site), and similar friend-connection-centered sites such as MySpace, YouTube, and others. (Actually, I'm not that sure about the latter two.)



So, how do you blog? Well, anyone can write a blog. There are no rules. Just type whatever you want to type. However, there is an unwritten distinction about good blogs and bad blogs. We should remember that, when you blog, you are doing it for a purpose. It isn't simply a blank page where you can tell whatever you want to tell - not as crude as that. Take note that the reader is a part of this. So in essence, your blog must produce an effect to your readers.



It's just like having a column in the newspaper. You put things in there, but you are not sure whether people will actually read your entry. But once they do, you have to keep your audience. You have to make sure that whenever you post another entry, somebody will read it. Otherwise, your blog will just become a private diary.



How do you keep your audience? Well, you have to keep their interest. You might write about something funny, something weird, or something informative. After reading your blog, the reader should get something out of it. A lesson or a laugh are best, but you can also make your readers have a headache or a heavy heart if you want to. You might make them think or be more open-minded about stuff. The key is - it should have an effect.



There are various ways for you to know that your readers responded to your entry. They might tell you something about it verbally, they might post a comment now and then, or they might even start their own blog, inspired by your own.



As in all forms of communication, it should be important that your reader clearly understood what you wanted to tell them. Language is a primary concern. make sure that whatever language you choose, you must be fluent enough in it. Also, the language you use depends on the purpose of your blog. I could have written this in Filipino if I wanted to, but since this is more of an informative blog - quite formal in a way - English serves better since most of us are used to reading information in English (as in our textbooks.)



Form is another factor, and needless to say, it depends on the purpose of your blog. Prose is the more common form since it is more flexible and can be applied to many types of entries. You can also write poems if you want to, especially those who have a touch of being an artist in them. There are also other forms - you can write a dialogue for instance.



My opinion is that you have to be more careful with poems. For one, it should be nice enough. Others tend to use overly flowery words in poems. Those poems if not executed properly tend to fail to reach their readers, even if they look appealing and intellectual. Myself, I prefer to use simple words if they suit the thoughts I want to convey best.



A blog should have a purpose. Or at the least, it should have an underlying objective, if you want your readers to really appreciate what you've written. You might tell a story about what happened to your day, but in the end, it should have a certain degree of significance. You might share what life's lesson you've learned after your long day, for example.



But other blogs are good to read on their own, even if they don't have a "moral lesson" as some would say. These blogs have an innate "interest" factor in them. A traveler might share about the places he has been to, or a clown might tell a story about this party he's entertained. It's just like telling a story to your friend. If you're going to write about "Hey, this morning, I woke up. I dressed, got out of bed. I took a shower..." then your readers might not want to finish reading your blog. Write about something new. Write about something your readers would like to hear.



Now, let's proceed to the person writing the blog. The "blogger" has a purpose in publishing his entries. For instance, class, I blog because I want to make my thoughts about matters more coherent. I want to share these thoughts that I have to my friends and hopefully, they would make a comment or two. My blog is my emotional outlet when a friend who might listen is not at hand.



In Friendster, class, those who will read your blog are most likely your friends so you are quite ensured that they are somewhat interested in what you want to say. If you post a blog shouting "I'm devirginized!", your friends (if they are really your friends) will definitely read it, while other people might not be interested enough whether you are really devirginized or not.



Blah blah... blah blah blah. Just blog your ass off dammit!



This entry is getting too long even for me, and I'm not sure if I could write like this any longer. All I know is that tomorrow, something will happen to me. Something pivotal. Dizizit! But I'm not going to rave about it like I did. I'm going to take it coolly, and just hope that I'll still be walking straightly on my way home...



Wink!

Thursday, June 29, 2006

A Note/ Plan V

This afternoon, I was checking my Chem 16 students' prelabs, and I came upon this small sheet of paper inserted in a lab notebook. The thing was... it was not from the lab notebook owner.



It was a note of apology, primarily. A short one, but heartfelt. I knew immediately who it came from. The handwriting was quite obvious, and the tone somewhat familiar. It was signed as someone I don't know - a jumble of letters or an anagram perhaps? But I know who it came from. I felt it.



Well, I think it was I who should apologize for what happened. I was really in an irritable mood that day, I never thought of how my words might sting. I really am sorry and I am not angry at you. I've never been. It takes a lot for me to be really angry at someone.



I've noticed you've been hanging around IC again, and I want you to feel more comfortable whenever I come across you. I think you were a bit shocked, the first time you came face-to-face with me. Don't be. We are friends, and nothing will change that, okay?



***



>>Operation Reports for PLAN V:



Plan A
Time: 0900 hours.
Date: 28 June 2006.
Location: Gateway.
Head of Operations: Commander B.
Medium: Agent Drew.
Status: Failed.
Cause: Transmission Error, Communication Stopped.
Reason: Unknown.
Hypotheses: Unnerved about enemy position? Found something else to concentrate on?
Decision: Abort operation. (Neknek nya!)



Plan B
Time: Not assigned yet.
Date: Possibly next week.
Location: Not assigned yet.
Status: On-Going.
Head of Operations: Lt. Divine Lisa.
Medium: Col. Miami Vice.
Chances of Success: 70%
Hindrances: Enemy position. Action specificity. Sufficient response to enemy.
Decision: Go go go! (Good luck D!)



Plan C
Time: Not assigned yet.
Date: Near future?
Place: Not assigned yet.
Status: Not even begun but already approved. Reply accepted. Waiting for verification.
Head of Operations: Commander B.
Medium: Agent Drew.
Chances of Success: Projected --> 50%
Hindrances: Enemy appearance. Too formidable. Might not respond favorably.
Decision: Waiting... (Gito or rehjim?)



Plan D
Time: Classified.
Date: XX July 2006. Later date eyed.
Place: Classified.
Status: Plans to attempt second attack. First attack failed. Second attempt not started yet. Last resort.
Head of Operations: Commander B.
Medium: Agent Drew.
Chances of Success: 80%
Hindrances: Funds.
Decision: On hold. To operate if previous plans fail. (Sure thing)



Plan E
Time: Classified.
Date: Three months to go.
Place: IC.
Status: No actions done yet. Target yet to be observed if worth attacking.
Head of Operations: Commander B.
Medium: Mistress V.
Chances of Success: Unknown.
Hindrances: No information about target. Not enough signs.
Decision: Waitlisted. Observe target. (History repeats itself)



>>Classified Operation:



Plan F
Head of Operations: Secret Agent A
Medium: Classified.
Status: On-going but slow in progression. Might be aborted.
Chances of Success: 1%?
Hindrances: Past associations? Target inconsistency.
Decision: Commander B has stopped this operation. Secret Agent acts on his own decision. Still given permission to submit reports to headquarters.

Reports Submitted: Target unattached. Target exhibiting weird behavior amomg like targets. Agent decision about target ---> possibility of being infected with H or B Virus.



***



>Commander B's Notes:
>>Life isn't all that hard. Never give up from your failures. This is for you. For >>your own good. Don't let others hold you back from doing what you should. In >>combat, be safe, bring ample protection. Know about combat beforehand. >>Learn enemy terrain - look for site points. Target desirable areas. Most of all, >>have fun. be yourself. Learn to be you, soldier.
>>
>>End of message.



Tuesday, June 27, 2006

This Page Cannot Be Displayed

Who would like to read about something so taboo, it shouldn't even be written nor read?



Who would like to read about the insufferable drama of a UP Instructor so frustrated about his life to the point that he becomes blinded to everything else?



Who would like to read about another failed attempt for a person who wants to go out in the world and know himself?



Who would like to read about the rantings of a person, a teacher you once knew who keeps on blogging, almost everyday, when you have enough problems of your own?



Who would like to take a part of what I'm feeling right now, bursting last night about what his supposed-to-be "answer" finally coming and then knowing at the last moment that it wouldn't happen after all?



Who would like to feel foolish about himself, blurting everything out here to the eyes of the world and getting no consolation, no words of support?



Who would like to feel desperate, trying vainly to regain his former self, losing it, then trying to regain what was lost too late?



Who would like to never learn from his past mistakes, never learning what the words caution and moderation are for?



Who would like to realize that the most important persons in your life aren't happy for you?



Who would like to be the source of shame of their parents?



Who would like to feel being left out?



Who would like to feel being played upon?



Who would like to feel restless?



Who would like to get no answers?



Who would like to hope and fail?



Who would like to feel that nobody cares about the most important issues about you?



Who would like to be me?



Answer me because I'm serious, who would like to be me?!



Would you like to be me reader?



You think I don't notice your secret smiles, your knowing eyes everytime I come across you?



You think I don't notice how you read my blog avidly and yet do nothing to help me out of this, content to ponder that at least these things did not happen to you?



You think I don't know how much you gossip about me?



You think I'm crazy?



Well then, so be it!

























Monday, June 26, 2006

On The Fulcrum

I've never been in this state before.



I'm hot. Fevered, I mean - not exactly what the term means to most of you. But in a way, that also applies to my present condition, too... Oh shit, I am hot.



It's coming... It's coming soon! And I'm sooo nervous about it... I have to vent this out somewhere or I'll explode like a... like a... firecracker! Kaboom!



I have hours. Hours left before it happens. If I already feel like this now, what would I feel when that time comes? Will I totally lose my head and my control on myself? Or will I be as stiff as... never mind.



This will be a turning point in my life. It's the turning point. Will I say goodbye to all I hoped I could be? My foot is raised, ready to step on to the next level. I just hope that after this, things will be clearer for me. I'm now given a chance to balance the scale and see which one has gold and which one has fool's gold. (Ha! That might be a quotable quote for you.)



This is it. This is IT! (Sorry for the annoying redundancy. I just type what I have in mind.) Fucking hell but... this is IT!!!



But what if plans go awry? Will I be disappointed or relieved? Relieved I guess, at first (for a few milliseconds perhaps?), then disappointed after. And then my cycle will go round again. Then, I will write another entry about this. And rave about it. And I will say "This is IT!" again.



I'm old enough for this. I'm even too old, in my opinion. I've done my hiatus. I've taken my time to reflect, but nothing has changed. I'm a boulder resting on top of a hill. One push, and I will be going down on the other side like an avalanche. Nothing, then, will be able to get in my way. Nothing will be able to get in the way of Bry the Bi!



Still, no matter how much I write about this, I will never be able to guess what the aftermath of this decision will be. All I know is that my whole life led to this moment. All the drama I've let out here, all the vague pain I've been experiencing... Finally, I will be able to get some answers. After this -- and that will happen a few hours from now.



The day has come. And the clock is ticking...



Holy shit!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!

Saturday, June 24, 2006

Venus

"'Twas brillig and the slithy toves
Did gyre and gimble in the wabe
All mimsy were the borogoves
And the mome raths outgrabe"



Venus was rising in the early morning sky as I sat on your bed, feeling the coldness of the fresh air coming from the window. The sheets were smooth on my bare skin. I shivered. But not from the cold.



I looked at the sky outside, and tried to forget what happened. Tried to isolate myself from this confusion developing within ourselves. Enveloping us in a slowly-tightening web which will eventually prevent us from escaping from each other. I start it, true. And I decide when to end it, but in the middle, I lose it. Because I cannot concentrate on you.



I cuddled closer to you, and tried to sleep. Sleep and dream. Things stop for a while when we sleep. When we sleep, nothing happens between us. There is nothing to make this complicated situation more difficult, when we sleep.



But sleep is the one which brings us together again. After the coldness of the day, the indifference of the afternoon... In the night, we become the old me and you. Rebuilding, in our small way, our supposedly planned future. The wee hours of darkness is our twilight zone where what is real in the day can be dismissed as fiction. That is when our unconscious minds, our basal instincts, take over the formality of relationships. Eclipsing what was decided long ago.



Such things are to be left in the hands of gods. We are taking what we want, and we will pay for it. Eventually.



We can only see Venus during the dusk and the dawn, where the end of one leads to the beginning of another.



"But another what?", I ask myself.



I shift to the other side of the bed as dawn slowly lightened up our room.



"'Twas brillig and the slithy toves
Did gyre and gimble in the wabe
All mimsy were the borogoves
And the mome raths outgrabe"



*Excerpt from Lewis Carrol's "Jabberwocky"

Thursday, June 22, 2006

Cum Laude For Nothing

Maam: "The energy is equal to L minus B over..."


Me: L? Hindi ba alpha yun?


This was my last coherent academic thought while sitting in Chem 230. The room (PH 2203), despite the fans, always has a stuporous effect on me. The lights are too dim, and the air too stuffy. I never liked that room, except when I used to pass there just to take a peek at my student(s).


I sort of reflected on my academic self as I was sitting there, listening to Ma'am Arco's lilting voice (which I have to admit, does get you off of your doze if the topic was interesting enough.) I used to be one of those my classmates can go to whenever they missed something the teacher said. That was the old me. Always glued to his teachers without much effort. The new me is disinterested in his academics.


The new me is sick of the goody-two-shoes life. He is sick of always striving to know the answers in his academic subjects. He is tired of the endless bouts of exams, quizzes. The new me just wants to live life. Take the back seat for a while and do the things he should have done when he was younger. It was the academe who stole those which the old me missed.


Now, I am unleashed from the school rules. I wear whatever I want to wear. I swear whenever I want to. I go wherever I can afford to go to. The new me wants freedom from the academe. The new me wants love. Love that I want.


I've had enough of academic recognition. I want something else.


I will not deny that graduating with honors did help me clinch this job. I will not deny that a good academic record ensures me of a bright future. But what is happening to me now? I'm not who I used to be academically. Have I learned, after all that has happened to me, that honors do not matter? That I would have rather been dumber than be the person I am now? That I would have gladly exchanged some points in my GWA for a better physical appearance or for heterosexuality? For richer parents or for a normal brother?


Yes. Yes! I would if I could. Being intelligent didn't bring me the one I want. The one I think I love. Intelligence is bullshit! You can all have it.


We all want what we do not have - that's quite proven. But it just galls me to think that there are luckier people out there in the world. People born into rich families. People with complete sexual identities. People who can be closer to the ones they love because they look good. Intelligence is shit!


I am not blind though. My honors will bring me money someday, and with more money I can improve myself. But can love be bought?


Intelligence is bullshit!


Tuesday, June 20, 2006

Heto Na Naman Tayo

Gabi. Hindi ka pa umuuwi. Nasa'n ka na kaya? Tanong ko sa sarili ko. Shet, ang hirap talaga ng walang fone.



Buong araw nasa apartment lang ako. Walang magawa. Nag-internet. Nag-yosi. Kumain ng Chippy. Nagbasa. Wala nang ibang magawa kundi ang hintayin ka. Iniisip ko, bakit ganito? Baka... ano... kwan. Wala lang ito.



Humiga ako sa kama. Maluwag, dahil wala ka. At nagbasa. Tapos, hayun, bigla kong narinig ang boses mo sa baba. Natuwa ako. Napangiti pa. Sa wakas, umuwi ka na din.



Nagpanggap akong nakikinig ng music para hindi halatang hinihintay kita. Ang tagal mo bago umakyat. Kaya inaliw ko muna ang sarili ko sa pagbabasa. Tapos, andyan ka na. Naramdaman ko. Tinanggal ko ang headphones ko at inulit mo ang sinabi mo.



"May pasta sa ibaba," ang iyong sabi. Malamig ka. Parang malayo. Napangiti na lang ako. At sinabi ko sa sarili ko, "Heto na naman tayo..."