Resurgam

Last night, I was on the brink again. I was so sad, that after some time I already felt numb. That is, it did not matter whether I was happy or sad. I just did not want to feel anything, and I can't.

But then, towards midnight, something came into me. A weird feeling. Like i have just awakened. (Look, I know all this sounds made up and cheesy, but it did happen you know!). You know who saved me? It's Gwen Stefani! Yeah! Funny?

I was listening to her album, and her songs were just too upbeat and crazy that you can't help but move with the music and skip a step and dance. Hehe. I am really glad I bought that album. Even if some of you might say that she sucks. I don't care. If I have bought another album, could it have cheered me up as well as she did last night? I played other songs in my collection too, and they are all helping me out of the blue I am in. There is always a song to suit the mood you are in.

Then, I read my students' messages on the board I had them write on during our last meeting. As I was reading all the thank you's and the good luck's and the smiles, it suddenly dawned on me that there was no reason for me to be sad at all. I mean, how many people get to be appreciated for doing what they like? Not even all Chem instructors get the thanks I received. I have such a wonderful life, and I cannot go on wasting it in isolation and dreariness. I had a wonderful sem, not a dreadful one, and it was one of the best (if not the best) period of my life.

I learned so much. So much from my falls. Learned so much from winning. It is true that "you win some, you lose some". If I compare what I have gained from what I have lost, the latter is really negligible. How many friends have I made? How many hearts have I touched? How many smiles and laughs have I put on my students' weary faces? How many memories have I instilled? How many Chem topics have I helped them learn? How many lives have I changed? (How many pesos have I earned? Hmmm.. very little...)

I have really done so many wonderful things in just a few months, I should be jumping like mad. Will you be able to do the things I have done? No! Everything was because of me! I had been wonderful! I had been GREAT! I am so happy that I am like this. I am so happy that I am not ordinary and square. I am so happy that I am not scared of dares and risks. I am not mediocre. I am GREAT! And I feel GREAT!

Hahaha. I hope I feel like this all the time. The truth is I really don't think I have completely moved on. Some things just need some time for you to get used to.. But I am sure that time will come soon. I am so GREAT (should be in all caps, hehe) that I am sure something GREAT is bound to happen to me sooner or later.

Sigh, I had been a fool.. Have you read my previous posts? Full of tears and bitterness. I am not ashamed of that. If I knew, you might have been in a more depressing state that I was, given the same circumstances.. It just goes to show that GREAT people like me have their falls too. Have their foolish moments too. But what makes them (me) really GREAT is that they don't give up that easily. When they fall, they rise again! Higher than ever! Better than ever! Stronger than ever! An even GREATER person than before!!

I really love my life. (Haven't I just said in my profile that my life is pathetic?) Hehehe. No matter how many emotional problems I am going through.. I still am ME and not everything about ME is bad and empty. I am just GREAT and you cannot deny that! Here I am, catch me! Not because I am falling but because I am jumping at you! Hahaha! I am BACK! I have risen AGAIN! I am GREAT!

Note to the Blogger from Friendster: The number of exclamation marks you have used for this Blog entry has exceeded the normal amount. Please control your emotions more carefully the next time you post an entry. Thank you.