Wink! Wink!/ Over

As I look back now at all that I have written here, I felt ashamed. Yeah.. But I won't be deleting the disgraceful entries I have made here. Those are still entries, and they just reflect how I was. How hopeless I was. Now I am just laughing at them. Wanna hear? Ha ha ha HA!

Finally, it is really over. It's like puking after getting drunk. You sober up a bit. Hell hell, I was a mess back then.. But I am loads better now! Chock full of new experiences to ready me for what's to come. What else would come? If it's gonna be more exciting than what happened, I am game! (But a bit scared.. what a rollercoaster life I have! Always dizzy and fast..)

What really will happen next? Who will I meet next? What will happen to me next? I'll be entering another name on the list. Name #5! Who will that be? When will you come? How do you look like? Will I like you or will you like me?

Hey, I've just realized that nobody has courted me yet. Or dated me. I always made the first move. High school (and grade school) doesnt count. Will I be the one picked next time? I wonder how that feels? It has been sooo long... since Melanie P. and code name "Lisa" (from high school) and others which I might have forgotten.. I want to be the one to be chased next. Hehe. But I do not know.. Maybe the chase is a part of why I like falling in love. Then, as LE says, once I get what I have been chasing, the attraction goes away.. I don't know.. Is that really me? LE says that I just want to prove something to myself - that I can have this or have that - then I'm happy. I got what I want, so I let it go..

I don't think that is really me. What happened before were just coincidences. They did not last because I lost it, not because I did not really want them.. I am not that bad. Sigh.. my "issue" is probably the real reason. I wonder how it feels to be normal.. i could have been SO HAPPY already!

But there it goes, I am not normal. So what to do? Just go on living. Hehe. Besides, I get more chances on having a date on a saturday night than normal people have. Hehehe. If you know what I mean..

Wink!

Six feet under
Into the blue
Left of the middle
What can I do?

How does it feel?
You didn't lie
Got a bad kick
But boys don't cry

Six feet under
Into the blue
Left of the middle
What can I do?

Time to forget
The shit I've felt
Time to regret
The things I've said

Six feet under
Into the blue
Left of the middle
What can I do?

What can I do?
I was made this way
Thrown to the blues
But I'll be okay

Six feet under
Into the blue
Left of the middle
When I'm with you