Occasus Oculus

I'm looking for that guy who will give me the right answer when I ask him, "What do you know?" Not that guy who will spout to me his academic achievements. Not that guy who will argue with me about the meaning of my question, and who will demand the definition of every single word. I want that guy who will look me in the eye, who will give me this knowing look, and who will sadly answer "Not very much."

I'm looking for that guy who I can spend silent afternoons with. That guy who can look up at the sky and smile and be amused simply by the color of it. That guy who can find happiness at the way the wind caresses his face. That guy who can hold my hand and watch a sunset with me and who can tell me that it is beautiful, but the sunset reflected in my eyes is even more so.

I'm looking for that guy who I can take with me to the deeps and to the heavens. That guy who can drift with me even when I am at my most philosophical. That guy who will contest my ideas or contribute to them with equal fervor. That guy who will expand my palette of words and who will keep me running, just so I can keep up with the images he can paint with his prose. I want that guy who will be my other wing - together, we can fly.

I'm looking for that guy who can distinguish between sex and making love. That guy who knows when to look at me in the eye and when to close them when we're in bed. That guy who knows that what happens before and after is as important as what goes on during it. That guy who understands my body, as I understand his. I want that guy who wants to make love with me not just because of how I look but because it is me.

I'm looking for that guy who knows his own worth. That guy who will not put me on a pedestal or who will elevate himself on one. That guy who can stand up to what he wants yet is sensitive to mine. That guy who understands that in a relationship, arguments are important not only for our personal growths but for us to grow together. I want that guy who will treat me as his equal, nothing more and nothing less.

Oh there are many things I'm looking for and I've looked high and low. Maybe one or two came close, but I had to let them go. They may have had what I'm looking for but I didn't feel that I deserve them. I myself am wracked with doubts, that maybe I'm not good enough to ask for these. But maybe that's the last thing I'm looking for - that man who will make me feel that I deserve all of these.