Friends

I arrived much too early but I didn't mind. I'm 27 years old, and I've had much practice whiling away the hours. I went through the shops. I bought some coffee and smoked (at the designated smoking area of course). I eyed those who were eyeing me. I walked and watched. And finally, Ms. Fulong sent me a text message saying she was already there.

I went to Krispy Kreme where she said she was. I noticed Glen first since she had her back to me. We didn't stay long there though because Cressa said our other friends were already there in the mall and were waiting. Ms. Fulong was wearing a skirt, which was a nice change since I somehow expected her to be wearing her staple casual street-style clothes. I liked her skirt and I told her so.

We met the rest of them at the Food Court. They smiled and greeted me, and I was happy. Bart was there. And Kiall and Marco. Hilbert was there, too. Thommy and MJ were on their way. For a while, while we were having dinner, it felt like old times. Almost, I felt like I never really left UP. Almost.

Kiall started asking me about my love life, which I found strange because that was almost always the first thing he asks whenever we meet. I told him I have no time for such things now. I told him I'm not who I used to be. It was clear to me that these months I spent away from them felt longer for me than for them.

I exchanged the usual banter with Bart, and she gave me the usual slap on the arm. I complimented Marco on his shirt, and he politely deflected it. And it didn't surprise me that Hil was just passing time with us, waiting for his date.

And I sat there among them, trying not to show too much how much I missed them. I kept touching Bart's bag as my way of saying I missed her. It wasn't long before we had to go upstairs. It was time to watch the movie.

I suppose I should have said this to them while I was there, but I really appreciate it when my UP friends still remember me during gatherings, even if this one was my idea. And they never treat me any differently, and they do not act any differently when I'm with them. Although I do try to stop listening whenever they talk about their theses because some things are still painful for me, even after more than a year.

The movie was fine. It may not have lived up to my expectations (saying that I loved the book is an understatement) but the experience of watching it with my friends was what really made it an extra special moment for me. I was seated between Cressa and Bart, and being able to have someone to exchange comments with turned out to be quite a refreshing movie experience. I've been spending too much time alone recently.

Shortly after the movie, Thommy had to leave, like he usually does. I find it sad every time he does that, though I know he has his reasons. I'm just sad because he was already leaving when we haven't really talked at all.

We decided on having some drinks since it was, after all, a Friday night, and we spent some time waiting in line for the cabs. My mind was only partially with them while we were chatting. It must have been an effect of the movie, but for a while my mind grew restless and I had to wander away from them for a bit. I felt that I couldn't focus on being with them for too long.

I was thinking about who I really was the past few days, and I was observing myself whether I feel more like "the real me" when I'm with close friends. Right there, I realized that I wasn't. So I tried to remove the mask I was wearing for them, and I found myself looking intensely on the floor, or walking aimlessly, or mouthing words. And I was surprised to realize that the real me was much crazier than what I'm showing most people. I should have known that by now, but it never really registered into my brain until then.

Some minutes later, we were walking along Maginhawa, looking for somewhere to drink. I was walking beside Bart, and she told me that my experience at Adamson had been good for me. Because it made me focus on more important things, she said. But I wasn't too keen on having a serious conversation because I was enjoying that moment. Me and my friends, walking along Maginhawa. It felt like a scene from two years ago, and right then, I felt like I never really left.

I can continue writing about the rest of that night, but at this moment, I am feeling a little sad. Because I miss my friends very much. I wish I was still with them everyday. I wish we were still all there, living in the same dorm. It's quite their fault actually, since if they hadn't been such awesome friends I wouldn't miss them as much.

There was this line in the movie, something about one's life being more than a sad story, and that touched a nerve in me since I have this fondness for writing about sad things. But maybe, you know, I'm only feeling this sad because I've been really happy. It wouldn't hurt so bad if it didn't feel so good.

I'm not writing this as a plea for help. I'm old enough for these things, and I understand. I just want to preserve that one night in my life, that moment when we were walking along Maginhawa. That moment when it became clear to me, that those last years I spent in UP, those were the best years of my life.