Harry & Me

Ever since I opened the first few pages of Harry Potter and the Sorcerer's Stone, I've always wanted to be Harry. I've followed his journey through the magical world, imagining it was I in his place, fighting against the Dark forces... Little did I know, then, how much of his life would mirror mine.

It was in fourth year high school when I got to know Harry. Sandie was the first among my classmates to have the books, and one night while I was in her house, I picked this small paperback book she was raving about. I was immediately absorbed.

Why? It's because I didn't think I would ever find a book hero so like me at the time. He was bespectacled, skinny, with unruly black hair. He wasn't very outgoing, quite a shy boy in school. He had green eyes, and although my eyes aren't green, at that time it was my favorite color. He was simply me. If he wasn't so much like me at the time, I wouldn't have been so obsessed about Harry Potter.

Then the first movie came - I was in first year college at the time. I vividly remember the first time I watched it with my high school friends. There were a lot of people watching it, we had to stand and wait in the aisle for a while before we can sit. We weren't able to watch if from the beginning. When we entered, it was the Mirror of Erised scene with Dumbledore talking to Harry about what the mirror shows. Then, one of my friends exclaimed, "<I forgot the exact expletive>, he looks like Bryan! Kamukha talaga!"

Was I flattered? Well, a bit. I didn't much care about how I look back then. All I thought was... Wow, am I that good-looking? Bitter laughter. That was years before when my face was clearer than it is.

Then, the popularity of the movie spread, and a lot of people got to know Harry. I got used to people pointing at me on my way home or in school, and saying, "Look, there's Harry!" or "Pare, gusto mo makita si Harry Potter?" or "May kamukha siya..." Those were some of my most blissful moments ever. I half-wished I could take out a wand off of my shirt and wave it at them and say, "Lo! You're right. I am Harry Potter!", accompanied by blaring trumpets and dancing sparks off my wand...

I wrote about it in my journal. I talked to my friends about it. On my way to my bedroom, when I pass by the mirror, I would say to myself "Goodnight, Harry." Before I go to sleep, I chant to myself "I will be Harry Potter. I will be Harry Potter" over and over since I have read in one of my dad's books that that is one way to make what you really want come true - to trigger your subconscious mind. And it worked!

Looking back, it isn't just the appearance which made me want to emulate Harry Potter - it's his life. My letter of acceptance to UP was Dumbledore's letter. My course was Chemistry, which is, in my opinion, the closest course you could ever get to Potions and Magic. We get to wear lab gowns, the Muggle equivalent of robes when we work in the lab, and we get to prepare solutions! Even gloomy Pav 2 looks like the dungeons to me.

Harry was also abused physically by his Uncle Vernon and his cousin Dudley, and so was I before, by my dad and my brother (who was still very violent then). My dad even tried to stop me from enrolling in UP! He wouldn't give me the money for my application. I was so distressed I had to cry and be heard by my uncle (who was staying in our house at that time) who gave me the money I needed instead. Was my dad Uncle Vernon reincarnated or not?

Sadly, the similarity in Harry and me faded, especially with the change in Daniel Radcliffe in the following movies. He seemed to have taken in steroids (he's no longer skinny dammit!), and he looks more like Elijah Wood now. However, Harry isn't Dan Radcliffe, and at least I still get to look a bit like Mary Grandpre's illustrations in the books. I still do get some comments now and then from my students that I look like Harry, but they're not as frequent as I used to get and I'm not very elated about that anymore since I know that I have lost my Harryish look years before.

But looks alone aren't my sole basis for saying that I'm like Harry. What makes him really special? Its his scar, and the consequence of that? He became famous.

Now I'm not going to say that I am famous. I'm no star, but at least I'm not a nobody in our Institute, especially in light of recent events.

When I was in the first two years of my undergrad life, I was still quite a low-profile person. People only know me as the one who gets high scores in exams - just that. At that time, I wasn't satisfied with that kind of fame, and thankfully, I joined Chemsoc.

I was chosen as the head of that sem's batch of applicants, and we became the sort of Dumbledore's Army (Book 5 was just released at that time.) Anyway, in Chemsoc I gained more power and more responsibility. I became a familiar face to the heads of our Institute, and got more public appearances (Ha! The term...) in the various org activities.

We even had a House Cup in Chemsoc during my term as AcadCom Head. And we even got the chance to play make-believe Quidditch with blindfolded players holding a broomstick between their legs and trying to catch a Golden Snitch tied to a pole. Talk about power-tripping!

But that still wasn't enough fame. I joined the Student Council too, and luckily I got a position as a representative of my course (Wow. Potions Rep?) I got to officiate some College-wide activities, and that made me more known to the students of other Science courses. Did you see the CSSC Road Painting in front of CS Lib during our term? I designed that, that's why it was Harry Potter inspired.

Still, that wasn't enough. Fame from doing good in acads, org activities, council activities, is harmless fame. Nice fame. Harry's fame is a mysteriously speculative kind of fame. The kind which makes people whisper excitedly behind your back. The kind of fame in which people you don't know, know too much about you. And lately, I got that, too.

With recent events (which I have no need to discuss), I became the talk of the Institute. I was gossiped about. People I encounter in the corridor smile with knowing smiles, some I knew to be friendly before became suddenly cold. And not only my peers, even the staff and some of the faculty! Well, Harry became famous not because of a tempestuous love affair, but because of being involved with You-Know-Who.

Speaking of love affairs, Harry ended up with Ginny Weasley. Well, so did I! Chiyo has the same birthday as Ginny (August 11.)

With all that happening in my life right now, I begin to understand what Harry was being angsty about in Book 5 and in Book 4. Being in the limelight is not all that good if the source of it all isn't. I've mentioned here in my blog that I would have rather lived a normal life than be this way... So does Harry. Sometimes, we feel that we want to take a break from this grinding mill of a life - a life that we did not choose. At times, we both feel that we'd give anything to be somebody else...

Both Harry and I were chosen to face these problems, and although his fight is against You-Know-Who and his minions, and mine is against my identity and society, we both have our ups and our downs. (That explains the angst I let out here frequently.) We had no hand whatsoever in these issues being handed to us, and we can blame no one except the source of our miseries.

In the magical world, the fight against the Dark Lord goes on! If Harry won't give up, I won't either. It offers me comfort that even though Harry Potter is fictional, there's someone out there writing about a story so extraordinary yet I can still relate to it.

P.S.
J. K. Rowling has mentioned that one of the trio will be staying in Hogwarts as a teacher. I'm guessing that it would be Hermione since Harry wanted to be an Auror (his acceptance in Slughorn's Potions NEWT almost ensured that.) But if it was Potter who turns out to be the teacher instead... well what more can I say? He was a good DA teacher, right? Otherwise, I would just quit my job and send my resume to the NBI (they need chemists there, you know) just to follow Harry's life... Nah I'm not that obsessed. I used to, but we all grow old eventually, and we begin to lose the things which make our lives magical...

:(