Wednesday, September 27, 2006

Hunk 2

Things are going well for me at the gym. I am now able to lift heavier weights, some twice more than those I started with. I am not that shy anymore about my body whenever I'm there, because I believe I've become thicker. My arms are fuller than ever. I haven't been to the weighing scale yet but I think I did gain some pounds already.



It amazes me whenever I get physical proof that I am improving. The weights I started with seemed about to fly off the gym equipment because of the ease with which I lift them. If I keep this up, I will get a body which satisfies me next year at the least. I can finally take my shirt off whenever I'm swimming. I will be able to flirt more. I can finally take my shirt off whenever I'm hot. I will be hot.



My bones are built for a bigger body than what I have now, that's why they keep jutting out. There are skinnier people out there than me but they look okay because their bone structures can only accommodate so much. One day, I will get the body I am suppposed to have. I will be the hunk I am supposed to be.



Hahaha. My students will think I am bragging again. Come to think of it, once I fix my body and my face, I will be almost perfect. I've got the brains, the attitude, the creativity. I've got the rest of the things which make men attractive (including the dick? lol!). In a way, I'm really blessed because the things which I lack right now can be improved by physical means. There is really no need for me to be insecure because I know that I am really a dream guy just waiting to drop down from heaven.



Nah. I'm not serious about this. I'm just trying to make you laugh about how earnest I am in trying to improve myself. And in my case, who wouldn't? Cookie just told me that once I gain more weight, kami na! Woohooo!!!!

Friday, September 22, 2006

Facing A Facelift

Someone helped me realize that this blog can be used for a higher purpose. I use this blog to share what eventful things are happening in my life, and in that way, I can also share the lessons I have learned from each experience. However, I focused too much on me. Too much on emotional issues, sexual issues, social issues. But not everyone is interested in that. What if I took a change and shared in here some thoughts which are more politically and socially relevant?



I believe that I already have a steady audience out there. Those who are amused by my entries, my students who have enough extra time and curiosity to look into my world, my friends who care for me. I can make them aware of more important stuff like politics, recent world events, or the latest developments in science which may significantly affect us. I've spent enough time dwelling on my personal issues, and I think it's time to widen my horizons to more topics which my reader will find more helpful.



It's not that I'm totally giving up on discussing my personal experiences. Some of you, perhaps, read my blog for the amusement you get from reading those. Some read these, perhaps, for the lessons after each entry. Or some of you may even be reading my entries just to find something to gossip about. (This is SO true... Ehem chem people!) What matters is that now, I can use the popularity of this blog to make you aware of more serious, more relevant issues.



Hopefully, with this coming change, I can be able to draw more people into reading my blog. Perhaps in that way, One Tree House can become a virtual treehouse, a sorta community where people can share their different points of views about certain issues through commenting on them.



But what will we gain by this information exchange? What good will it do us? If we talk about something sensible, something which has a point, we can share it to our immediate friends here in Friendster. And we can spread the message, perhaps leading to a significant change in our society!



It's just like forwarding a joke through our fones. Why can't we do that for spreading helpful information?



I lost the thread of my thoughts since I encountered problems regarding what I wanted to push through. For one, we go to Friendster to amuse ourselves, NOT to be burdened by heavy serious stuff. For another, many of you might already be aware that there is a need for us to be involved in social issues and are willing to discuss them but you think that Friendster is not the proper place for that kind of thing.



Wow... I don't know. I think I've complicated this too far. However, I do believe the following holds true:



  1. This blog is my domain, and I can post anything here if I wanted to. You have the choice to read or to ignore my entries. If I wanted to talk about serious stuff, I can do that. And you cannot stop me.


  2. There is nothing wrong about informing your friends about stuff they need to know, or inviting your friends to talk about significant issues. We need to be involved since we are affected.


  3. Friendster plays a big role in today's youth, hence, it might be a powerful tool to spread relevant thoughts.


  4. I know I may not be well-equipped enough to tackle hardcore issues but at least I am trying. And trying by itself already makes a difference. That's what I believe anyway.


  5. I believe that I am half-crazy for uselessly analyzing this when in fact, I can talk about serious stuff without prior notice and nobody would give a damn!


  6. This entry isn't a total waste. The fact that you're still reading means that I have interested you enough.


  7. My head ached after rereading this entry. It's like I spoiled what I wanted to push through because I discussed it in detail.


  8. I'm not in my best state of mind while writing this. I am not focused enough because I have a take-home exam, and instead of attempting to answer it I'm blogging about something which doesn't have an immediate deadline.


  9. I will be panicking a few hours from now because I haven't written a single thing for my exam, but being the procrastinator, I will just sleep and worry about it in the morrow.

Wednesday, September 20, 2006

Sige

"Bakit parang iba ka na magsalita sa akin ngayon?"



"Ha? Paano?"



"Ewan ko. Parang ang hyper mo lagi. Parang ibang tao na ako sa iyo ngayon..."



"E hindi mo naman kasi maeexpect na magiging ganun pa rin ako. Siyempre nagbabago din ako..."



***



Kinukwentuhan ako ni Chiyo ng mga pangyayari sa kanya at ng kanyang "childhood friend". Noong una, masakit para sa akin. Hindi ko siya matingnan sa mata habang tuwang-tuwa siya sa pagrerelate ng mga events sa buhay niya ngayon. Para kasing nagkaroon kami ng drift simula noong makilala ko si Cookie, at nang pumasok muli sa eksena ang kanyang "childhood friend" na itago na lang natin sa pangalang Peanuts. Para bang hindi ko matanggal sa sarili ko ang bitterness na meron na agad siyang bagong romansa, samantalang ako ay single pa din.



Nagpunta ako sa apartment na tinitirahan niya ngayon, at nagcatch-up kami sa isa't isa. Kinuwento niya sa akin ang kanyang mga shopping escapades at stress sa trabaho, samantalang kinuwento ko naman sa kanya ang aking pagpunta sa gym at ang aking pagpupuyat.



Hindi ko talaga maalis sa aking isipan ang pagbabago sa kanyang boses. Para bang ang cheerful niya. Hindi ako sanay na ganun siya dahil kilalang-kilala ko na siya sa mahigit isang taon kaming magkasama sa isang bahay. Ilang buwan ding namuhay na parang mag-asawa. Tinanong ko ang sarili ko kung bakit ganoon? Dapat ba talagang magbago ang turingan namin sa isa't isa? Hindi na ba kami friends kagaya nang dati? "Others" na ba ako?



Maya-maya, pinag-usapan na din namin ang lahat, pati ang mga bagay na hindi usually kinukwento ng mag-ex. Nagkwento na siya tungkol kay Peanuts at ipinakilala ko na nang husto si Cookie. Inilahad ko ang mga problemang naranasan namin, ang mga bloopers at katangahan ko. Inilahad ko ang mga worries ko, ang mga hopes ko about sa amin. Nag-advice kami sa isa't isa tungkol sa bagong mga taong naiinvolve sa amin ngayon.



Tinawagan niya si Chie-Chie, isang common friend na na-involve din sa akin noon. Noong una, natatakot akong kausapin siya dahil ang dinig ko ay galit siya sa akin dahil sa mga pinaggagawa ko lately. Pero noong nagkausap na kami, natauhan ako at na-realize kong friends pa din talaga kami. Nagbiruan pa din kami at nagkamustahan. Chinika ko siya kung ano nang bago sa akin, at nagshare naman siya about her upcoming engagement.



Ang bilis talaga nang panahon. Si Chie-Chie, malapit nang ikasal, pero naaalala ko pa ang mga moments namin sa Nueva Vizcaya, sa van ni Roldan, at sa PH1100. Si Chiyo, may bagong romansa na, pero naalala ko pa din ang mga moments namin sa rooftop, sa ATC, at sa apartment. Parang kailan lang ang lahat pero lahat kami ngayon ay nagmove-on na.



Umalis ako sa apartment ni Chiyo na magaan ang loob. Bumalik na ang kanyang dating boses. Bumalik na ang aming dating samahan. Nawala na ang drift at pareho na kaming maligaya sa magkaibang landas na tinatahak namin.



"Sige..." ang paalam ko habang nasa labas na ako.



"Sige..." sabi niya habang sinasara ang pinto.



"Baka may tae ng pusa dito ha" sabi ko kasi madilim sa labas.



"Gagi wala... Sana nga. Hehe joke."



Naiwan ako sa madilim na hallway, kampanteng naglalakad dahil alam ko na walang tae ng pusa sa aking lalakaran. Wala nang sasagabal sa aming dalawa para matagpuan namin kung sino ba talaga ang nararapat para sa amin.



Prostitute

Tumigil na ang ulan at lumabas na kami sa apartment. Ihatid ko daw siya, sabi niya. Naisip ko na hindi na siya bata para ihatid pa, pero ano bang magagawa ko? Kung tutuusin, siya ang naka-"jackpot" sa akin ngayon, at ako ang may karapatang humingi ng mga pabor. Pero ano nga ba talagang magagawa ko?


Sumakay kami sa taxi. Tahimik. Pagod. Nakatingin lang sa bintana. Umiinom siya ng takeout softdrinks mula sa KFC, ako naman, hawak ko ang aking payong sa isang maiskandalong posisyon. Ngunit imbis na maligalig ako sa aking ginagawa, wala akong nararamdaman. Wala akong iniisip kung hindi ang kahiwagaan ng pakikipagrelasyon.


Naisip ko kung gaano pala talaga kahirap ang makahanap ng isang taong tunay na makakasundo mo. Yung tipo ng taong babagay sa moods mo, sa ugali mo, sa trabaho mo, sa habits mo. Ang hirap. Lalo na para sa mga kagaya ko na inaalipusta pa rin ng lipunan hanggang ngayon.


Nakarating na kami kung saan niya gustong bumaba. Bumaba na rin ako dahil may bibilihin pa ako. Minsan, kakaibang isipin na sa lahat ng nangyari ay parang hindi pa rin kami talagang magkasama. Para kaming mga strangers na nagkataon lang na sabay maglakad at may common na pupuntahan. Hindi ko siya kinakausap dahil wala namang kailangang pag-usapan. Nagawa ko na ang trabaho ko. Yun lang.


Kinabahan ako sa aking naramdaman. Ganun ba talaga iyon? Bakit ba kasi kailangan ko pang gawin iyon? Naisip ko lang, nagawa ko na din naman ito nang ilang beses na, at pareho lang naman ang reaksyon ko sa nangyari ngayon. Coldness. Detachment. Nothingness.


Ganun ba talaga iyon?  Hindi ba siya sagradong bagay na hindi lang basta-basta pinapakawalan? Dahil sa pagnanais ko na maging cool at astig, na maging normal, ginagawa ko ang mga ganitong bagay. Pero bakit hindi ko ito ikinatutuwa? Wala akong nakukuhang release o contentment sa mga ganitong bagay. Ibig sabihin ba hindi ako cool at astig? O baka naman hindi lang ako mababaw kagaya nang iba?


Tama nga si Cookie, wala doon ang attachment. Malaki ang pinagkaiba ng sex sa making love.

Saturday, September 16, 2006

Cookie 2

Q: Good morning po!



A: ...



Q: Bad trip ka ba ngayon?



A: Mej...



Q: Bakit?

A: Ewan. Puyat kasi ako. Baka yun ang dahilan.



Q: Kamusta ka na?

A: Miss ko na si Cookie...



Q: Bakit Cookie ang tinatawag mo? Alam mo namang ayaw niya yun.



A: E tanga ka pala e, gusto mo pangalanan ko siya? Gusto mong makakuha siya ng sangkatutak na hate mails at maging mainit ang pangalan niya dito sa friendster at sa totoong mundo?



Q: Ay, hindi naman po... Sorry po... Ganun po ba kayo kasikat?



A: Hindi. Exaggerated yun. Pero ayoko kasi hindi pa naman kami, so useless din ang pagpapangalan ko. Baka mapahiya lang ako.



Q: So? Nililigawan lang naman pala e. Masama bang malaman ng ibang tao yun?



A: Hindi naman, pero baka din kasi ayaw niyang makilala siya agad.



Q: Bakit parang kapag nagsasalita ka, pang long-term na ang dating ninyo?



A: Ewan. I'm hoping kasi e. Wehehe! I'm in love... Haaaay....



Q: Talaga po? Ano bang nagustuhan mo sa kanya at naging ganyan ang effect niya sa iyo?



A: Nasa kanya na kasi ang lahat...



Q: Dahil doon lang nahulog ka na?



A: Hindi din. Syempre through time medyo nakikilala ko na siya. Yun ang mas nagustuhan ko. Natutuwa ako sa kanya e. May pagka-stoic nga siya actually pero ewan ko ba... Minsan pag text ko siya parang ang short ng mga replies niya. Pero still, sumasagot pa din siya kahit na ang dami nyang trabaho. Astig 'no?



Q: Astig nga. Feeling mo ba gusto ka rin niya?



A: Hmmm. Ewan. Pero the fact na hindi pa niya ko iniiwasan or inaaway means good di ba?



Q: Ummm, baka nga. Natanong mo na siya about that personally?



A: Yup.



Q: Ano sabi niya?



A: Elusive siya sumagot e. Natatakot din daw kasi syang mag fall too fast kaya gina-guard niya emotions niya. Pagtanong ko sa kanya kung miss niya ko, sasabihin niya siguro daw. Tapos "no comment" pa minsan...



Q: Mukhang mahirap pala siya ligawan...



A: Medyo. Pero gusto ko kasi siya e, so hanging on pa din ako.



Q: Bakit nacancel daw yung date niyo last Saturday?



A: Ay katangahan ko yun. Napag-usapan na naman namin. Change topic.



Q: Kailan ang last communication niyo?



A: Kahapon.



Q: Talaga? Ano pinag-usapan niyo?



A: Ideal men. Hahaha...



Q: Feeling mo ba na-miss ka din niya?



A: Ah... Oo.



Q: Kapal naman ng mukha niyo...



A: Putang-ina mo ha... Ginagalit mo ba kong hayup ka?!



Q: Ay sori sori po. Ummm... Kung may sasabihin ka sa kanya ngayon, ano yun?



A: Na miss ko siya... Wehehe! Pasensya na hindi ako sanay sabihin ang mga ganitong words e...  Na natutuwa ako at bibili na ulit siya ng fone bukas at ako ang unang itetext niya. Na...



Q: Ok. Tama na yun. Last question for this session pare. Anong favorite reply na nakuha mo sa kanya?



A: Yung smiley face na U.

Monday, September 11, 2006

Hunk

Bry: Guys, nag-gygym na ako!
Others: (Shocked na shocked, pero pipigilan ang pagtawa. Akala nagjojoke ako, pero looking at my expression... mukhang seryoso nga ang loko) Wow! Good for you! (Dont forget the forced smile... Pero sa loob-loob iisipin na baka nagpapatawa pa din ako.)



Ang hirap pala mag-gym. Disiplina kung disiplina. Bukod sa mahirap na talaga ang maglift ng weights at ang pag-subject sa sarili sa malalaking torture machines, kailangan mo siyang ituloy-tuloy. Wala pa nga akong one week sa gym e naka-dalawang cancel na ako. Ang hirap kasi gumising sa umaga. Tapos biyahe pa din for me.



Buti na lang talaga kasama ko si LE sa gym. Nahihiya kasi ako sa katawan ko dun. Parang one-half lang ako nang ibang tao dun. Yung iba pa nga, one third lang siguro ako. Karamihan kasi, gusto yatang mag-lose ng weight. The rest, ok na ang mga katawan at nagtotone na lang siguro. Ako lang ang nag-iisang patpatin. Pero bakit ba? Alam ko payatot ako kaya nga nag-gygym e. At least I'm doing something about it.



At syempre hindi lang naman gym ang ginagawa ko. Sinusubukan ko ding mag-gain ng weight. Ang weird nga e. Kasi nung tinimbang ako sa gym, aba gumaan pa ako! Wow! Magka-weight na nga kami ni LE...



Ang hirap pala kumain nang madami. Hindi kasi talaga ako mahilig sa food. Kahit anong sarap pa ng food na iyan, kung busog ako at hindi ko feel kumain, ayoko talaga. Pinipilit na lang nga ako ni LE kumain minsan. Pinapabili niya ako ng maraming food tapos hindi niya ko tatantanan hanggang hindi ko nauubos iyon. Sabihin ko "Oo, kakainin ko mamaya...'. Pero sasabihin niya, "Hindi, now na! Kainin mo iyan! You don't know how hard it is for me! Ako gusto kong kainin iyan, pero pinipigilan ko lang sarili ko" Hehehe. Sabi nga namin, kaya kami bestfriends e dahil pareho kami ng weight. Kapag bumigat na ako, at gumaan na siya, magdridrift apart na din kami.



Natutuwa ako sa gym. As in yung gym place. Maganda kasi. Amoy eucalyptus ang hangin tapos pwede pa manood ng TV habang nagtretreadmill. Naalala ko pa nung una akong nag-treadmill... Tinawanan pa ko ni LE... Pakshet.



Astig din yung locker room. Puro salamin, pati yung lockers. Nung una nagulat ako nang bigla na lang may naghubad sa gilid ko. Well, kebs naman ako. Eventually hindi ko na naiisip kung may ibang tao ba kung magpapalit ako ng damit.



Tiba-tiba ang mga gays sa wet area. Isang tanggalan lang ng curtain at voila! Kitang-kita nila in all their glory ang kanilang mga type na hunks. Hehe. Buti na lang nung nag-shower ako wala akong kasabay. Otherwise, baka may iba nang nangyari.



Ang weird naming mga bisexuals 'no? You can't place us anywhere. We defy your rules. Ilagay mo man kami sa men's area or sa women's area, jackpot kami lagi. Kahit na may separate section na "Wet Area for Bisexuals", aba tiba-tiba pa rin kami! Dapat meron kaming individual na area para walang malisya.



Baka isipin niyo naman malibog ako. Hindi yata oi! (Ilang percent sa inyo ang maniniwala dun?) Nilalagay ko naman sa lugar. Kung gym, gym lang. Kung sex, sex. At hindi ko naman na-consider na manilip or kung anuman dahil baka mabugbog pa ako dun at ma-evict sa gym. And in any case, I'm taken. Yikes! Wehehehe...



Which leads me to the question... Why now? Why get physically healthy now? Una, dahil nagkataon na may promo yung gym na yun kaya nakamura kami ni LE. Pangalawa, may motivation na ako. May goal na akong pinatutunguhan. Dati talaga, I didn't care much about how I look kasi wala naman akong pinopormahang tao. Hindi talaga ako nag-eeffort. Kung poporma man ako, hanggang damit lang kasi nga hindi masyado nakakapagod iyon. Bili lang nang bili. Sinasabi ko pa nga dati na ang vain ng mga taong yun. Look who's talking now? Ngayon, nalaman ko na talaga ang purpose ng pagpapapogi.



Yun na nga lang ang iniisip ko e, habang nagwowork-out. Kahit na ang hirap na talaga, at nangangatog na ang mga muscles ko in protest. Go pa din! Kaya ko 'to! Para 'to kay Cookie! Aaaaargh!!! Rest lang ng ilang moments tapos sige pa! Rip daw ang muscles. Sige rip pa! Rip me!!! Waaah!



Pag-uwi ko sa apartment, derecho higa na ako sa pagod. Kinabukasan masakit ang chest, ang arms, masakit abs ko, pero gusto ko nga iyon kasi at least may nangyari sa kanila. Pahinga ng isang araw tapos sabak na naman sa gym.



Tapos, after all pala, hindi din ako magugustuhan ni Cookie 'no? Wow sakit 'nun. All that effort for nothing? Ouch! Pero hindi ko naman ginagawa ito dahil sinabihan niya ako. Ginagawa ko ito para sa kanya. Para hindi niya na ako sabihan ng Skeleton Warrior. After some time Cookie, sasabihan mo din ako ng "I love you, my hunk."



Haay ang saya talaga mangarap.

Friday, September 8, 2006

Skeleton Warrior

Chest pain. Blinking lights. Christmas. Problem set. Food. Skeleton Warrior. Presscon. Cancellation. Apathy. Cutting classes. Deal. Rain. Lunch date. Cancellation. Silence. Sorry. Cry.

Wednesday, September 6, 2006

Motivation

I was supposed to go to the gym today with LE. Today should have been my first step towards self-improvement, but last night's happenings kept on intruding on my motivation on why I am going to the gym in the first place.



Being in this position is not easy for me. I am trying to start a new chapter in my life but I still don't know how to tread these waters. I have to keep on pushing myself to go forward. I have to keep my confidence on a high all the time. I have to remind myself of my goal.



What I've learned from this past week is that if you really want something, you really have to work on it. I was used to being pampered when it comes to relationships. Now it's my turn to sweat for it. It's my turn to feel awkward all the time, unsure whether I'm doing okay or not. Unsure whether I really have a chance or I'm just working hard for something which has long been decided on.



But no matter what happens, reader, I will do my best in this. I will just be myself, so that even if it fails, I will know that I will still be okay.

Sunday, September 3, 2006

Noon

Dilaw ang ilaw sa paligid habang nilalagok ko ang malamig kong Red Horse. Si Mommy at Daddy ang kainuman ko. Si Daddy, wala pang isang baso, lasing na daw. Si Mommy naman, umiinom nga, inuubos naman ang pulutan naming chicharon at Mr. Chips.


Nakikinig kami sa tape recording noong bata pa ako at kakapanganak pa lang ng kapatid kong si David. Narinig ko ang maliit na boses ko nung 3 years old pa lang ako. Ang matamis na boses ni Mommy habang dinuduyan ang kapatid kong si David, pati ni rin ang malalim na boses ni Daddy habang nagchachant siya ng dasal-Buddhist. Umeksena ang makulit na boses ng pinsan kong si Ate Giz, at narinig ko din ang boses ni Lolo Kiko, na ngayon ay patay na. Narinig ko din ang pagkanta ni Tita Grace, at ang garalgal ng mga eroplano sa Paranaque. Pati ang kahol ng aso nila Ka Paping, ang aming kapitbahay.


Tumanda na kaming lahat. Si Mommy at Daddy, may mga white hairs na. Si David, nabaliw na. Si Tita Grace, may asawa na at dalawang anak. Pati si Ate Giz, may baby na din. Ako... Ako, ano nang nangyari sa akin simula noon?


Kakaiba ang pakiramdam habang pinakikinggan ang sarili mong boses noong bata ka pa. Ang cute ko pa nun, at ang bait. "Ito po ba?" Sabi ng munting Bryan sa Mommy nya noon. "Nagpo-po ka pa sa 'min nun e," sabi ni Mommy ngayon.


Nakikita ko ang mga alaala sa mata nina Mommy at Daddy. Parang ang saya-saya pa namin lahat nun. Parang ang sisimple pa ng buhay namin lahat.


Umakyat na si Daddy para patulugin si David, at naiwan kami ni Mommy, magkaharap sa mesa habang ang pusa kong si Baby ay natutulog sa isang upuan.


"Mommy," sabi ko. "May bago akong nililigawan ngayon..."


Tiningnan nya ako. "Sino?"


"Lalaki..."


"Naku... Ano ka ba..."


Tumawa na lang ako. Pinipilit kong ipatindi sa kanya na ang mga taong kagaya ko ay normal. Hindi namin pinipiling maging ganito. Dapat ay suportahan niya ako sa mga ginagawa ko. Kung saan ako masaya, doon ako pupunta.


"Hindi pa alam ng daddy mo..."


"Talaga?" Nagulat ako. Sinabi ko kasi kay Mommy dati na siya na ang bahalang magsabi kay Daddy. Pero hindi niya ginawa, ibig sabihin ayaw talaga ni Mommy na malaman ni Daddy. "Mabuti nga. May pagka-makitid kasi si Daddy..."


"E kasi si David, baliw na. Tapos ikaw... Ganyan ka pa."


"Oo nga. Mahirap nga yun para sa kanya..." sagot ko. "Sa akin ba matatapos ang lahi natin?"


Hindi na siya nakasagot.


Makalipas ang ilang oras, nakahiga na ko sa kama. Nagwawala. Lasing na lasing. Namalayan ko na lang si Daddy sa tabi ko, pinipilit akong kausapin. "Ano ba problema? Bakit ka naglalasing?"


Hindi ako sumagot. Hindi ko masabing hindi ko kayang maging perpekto. Sa pamilya namin, on both sides, ako ang bida. Ako ang pinakamatalino. Pinakamagaling. Bukambibig ang pangalan ko tuwing may mga okasyon ang pamilya. Proud sila sa akin. Pero magiging proud pa ba sila kapag nalaman nilang may boyfriend ako?


Inalalayan ako ni Daddy na bumangon at pinainom ako ng kape. Ang tamis masyado. Panigurado si Daddy ang nagtimpla nun.


"Ganyan ka pala kapag nalalasing," sabi ni Mommy habang pinupunasan ang mukha ko ng maligamgam na tubig. "Dapat huwag ka na mag-iinom..."


"Ano ba ang problema?" tanong pa din ni Daddy.


Hindi pa din ako sumagot. Ang anak mo, sabi ko sa sarili ko. Ang anak mo... Ako ang problema.


Para akong sinapian. Pumipilipit ang katawan ko, ang mga kamay ko. Giniginaw ako. Kung anu-anong tunog ang lumalabas sa bibig ko. Parang boses-bata. Yung boses ko na narinig ko sa recording na pinakinggan namin.


Heto, Mommy at Daddy, ang anak niyo ngayon. Heto si Bryan, naglalasing dahil nalaman niyang hindi na siya kagaya nang dati... Hindi na siya bata para muling bumalik sa inyong mga piling tuwing nahihirapan siya sa totoong buhay.

Music Update: "Break" Lineup Finalized

04 September 2006
Cebu City



Music compilation guru, Mr. Bryan Christian N. de la Isla, has announced the finalization of the songs to be included in this semester's much-awaited album from Electrique, "Break."



In a press conference held in the Shangri-la Hotel in Cebu City, Mr. de la Isla gave hints and comments about his latest music sensation yet to come. "This album is my loudest album yet. You will be blown away by the first few songs in this one, and the energy level is sustained until the five or four ending songs. This one will keep you jumping and tearing at your hair!"



The media people asked him what was the inspiration for this sudden change in theme, since his past four albums were all decidedly sad. "So much has happened for the past few months," he answered. "That I got sick of the endless drama and self-analysis shit. Now I've got a reason to celebrate and be as loud as I can."



The people nagged him about this latest source of inspiration, but he only replied that that information is confidential.



But what does "Break" really mean? "It means to break away," he announced. "Break away from the chains that hold us back from who we really are. I got this from a line from track number 4. It says 'I will break away, I'll find myself today...'"



When reporters asked how this one compares to previous albums, Mr. de la Isla replied, "I cannot say if this is better than "Lovely" or not. What I am certain of is that this is the most upbeat, most angsty, and least sad of all my albums. If critics say that Lovely is still the best, I'm sure that this will be the second best one."



"The songs in "Break" are arranged in a storybook manner. You have the introductory songs, the body, and the conclusion. That's why it starts loudly, yet [it] ends peacefully... Listeners can easily figure out the message behind this album."



The fans clamored about what songs will be included for this compilation, and to this Mr. de la Isla replied, "It's from a mixture of old and new bands. I have songs from my old faves, The Cranberries, Alanis Morissette, Linkin Park, and Avril Lavigne, as well as from new faves like Fiona Apple, Dashboard Confessional, Smashing Pumpkins, Corinne Bailey Rae, and even Enya."



Mr. de la Isla ended the conference amidst loud disapproval from fans and the media people alike. "I have some matters to attend to, and funds to raise..." he said, turning away while immediately answering a phone call.



The cover for "Break", Electrique confirmed, has been completed weeks before, but the inlay is yet to be finished. If sufficient funds will be collected, the album will be released late this September or in early October.
(RIOTERS)

Friday, September 1, 2006

Cookie

I'm too conscious of you reading this I cannot express myself fully and freely. I've erased the lines I've written here five times because I cannot settle on what to write and how to write it. I can't help but be aware that whatever I write in here (since this is about you again) will make you happy.



I've never been this hesitant when I am blogging. I used to rattle the keyboard (especially when I'm really into something angsty) when I'm writing in here. I used to type whatever comes into my head without hesitation, not minding who will get hurt or who will be scandalized about how much I've put in here.



The fact is - I am changing. I am changing too soon for someone I haven't even met yet. We've talked about this and we've agreed on taking it slow and I heartily agreed on that since that is the way to really make it last, but I can't seem to slow down and dwell more on what is real than on what could be. I am aware of everything that might happen to me if things start falling down but I can't help it because this feeling that I have about you (don't worry this isn't love yet) is making me so damn happy.



This fondness for you is changing me for the better. I actually understood a bit about my Chem 250 earlier, because I didn't feel sleepy all throughout the class. I even nodded with Sir when I understood bits of the hieroglyphical equations he is teaching us. And I was able to do that because I thought that it will make you happy if I do better in my MS classes. I even scribbled little hearts (forgive me) and smiley faces on the edges of my notebook because I felt so strangely high.



The gym thing I told you about, and my sudden surge for checking papers I haven't told you about - they are for you. Now, you might be thinking that I am falling way too fast. I am letting you take control over me even if you really are still a stranger to me. I know. I know this will only cause me more pain in the end if things fall down. I keep reminding myself about that, more often with every hour that passes but I won't stop how I'm letting you affect me because you're changing me for the better. It's like all the love I've been longing to share has found a new conduit in you.



I envy you, you know that? Because you're still a tough cookie. You are not attached to me yet. And I think that even if we've been communicating for weeks and I suddenly disappear, you won't feel me go. I envy you because of your control over your emotions. But still, I thank you for that because you're keeping me at bay. Otherwise, I'd be off to the moon by this time, and I might not be able to come back down again.



But even if things fall down. Even if we've found out that we cannot be together, I won't regret what I am putting myself into right now. I will not deny that I will be... devastated, but just the thought that I was able to spend some time with you. That I was able to get to know you, and be friends with you - that's enough compensation for the tears I might shed in the future.

4D

Focus Bry. Focus. Set your goal. Know how to get there. Take things slow. Calm down. Do it right this time. Of all times, you shouldn't lose your concentration now. More important than passing the boards. More important than graduating. Of all times, Bryan, do the best that you can do! Keep your heart at bay, don't forget to consult your brain. Balance. Sabi niya, huwag ka daw ma-addict. Hehehe... Enjoy this while you can, Bry. You're doing well!