Stand

The first day of enlistment was almost over. I was very tired. I went to bed straight away when I got back to the apartment. I wanted to take an indefinitely long nap before having dinner because my eyes already felt grainy, and it wasn't even 7pm. My registration duty wasn't the cause of my exhaustion though. It was my diurnal sembreak sleeping pattern.

However, I wasn't able to sleep right away even if my body was dead tired. And I ended up texting Cookie and Milky (the latter is a real name). Hunger drove me out of bed and out to KNL in search of dinner.

8pm was late, in my opinion, for my usual rice dinner so I went to buy some burgers instead. For you see, I was very tired to even use utensils to eat. As I was waiting for my burgers to be prepared, I saw April and Apple, both my Chem 28.1 students last sem, walking on the street. They approached me, and as usual with my past students, they stopped and talked to me for a bit. April even touched my arm and told me she missed me. They were all smiles, asking me how I was. Shortly, they left.

While eating a burger half-heartedly, I thought of inviting them over to my apartment to chat. I usually do not do that, though, but since I had nothing better to do, why not make friends with my students? They live nearby anyway. So I sent them a text message, and they replied that they would be pleased to come.

There they were, sitting on the carpet. At first we simply talked about acads (our common connection) and people we both know (their classmates, IC teachers, etc.) While we were talking about those, I was suddenly doubtful if I would be able to tell them all about me. First, because they were young. And second, they were deeply religious girls.

We talked about a lot of stuff. Apple was very talkative. There wasn't a single minute when she didn't say anything. She talked about her love life mostly. And April kept on putting a word now and then since she already knew most of Apple's stories.

It's amazing, what happened there with the three of us. As with all of my students, I was friendly with both. Even more with Apple since she became my student twice. But we really didn't know that much about each other. But when we shared our experiences, in love mostly, that's when we became really friends.

Our friendly discussion shifted to one of higher caliber. We then tackled aesthetics, dreams, weddings. But the magic really started when I opened up about my sexuality. About the hardships I endured because of that. My false hopes and all that negativity about bisexuality. From there, we talked about religion. How Catholics look down upon people of the third sex. About keeping faith no matter how difficult your problems become.

In light of this, I am going to make my stand about my sexuality. So what if it turned out that I'm gay after all? Does it make me any smaller, any weaker? Does it make me less respectable? Does it change anything you know about me?

If you answered yes to any of that, you are not really my friend. If you like to go with what the rest of narrow-minded Catholic-blinded society believes, then I don't want you here. My true friends will still love me the same, even if I'm gay.

You say that gays are not respectable? Well, it's because that is what you make yourself believe. Have I been disrespectful in any of my actions? Did I harrass anybody? In fact, I believe that I should be respected even more because I was brave enough to stop my pretense of heterosexuality. I was brave enough to go out and identify myself with a group that society still continues to discriminate.

I may have said this before, but as Darren Hayes sings in "Affirmation", I believe that you cannot choose your sexuality. If we were born this way, accept us. Keep your acid tongues from berating us because we are already denied of what makes life meaningful to most - marriage, and starting a family. We find the happiness that we can find in having relationships with the same sex. Do you have the heart to still take the only thing which makes us happy away from us? You are the ones who are harrassing us if you believe that way. And you still call yourselves religious, faithful, God-fearing? Are you even aware of the essence of what you're really preaching?

Do you believe that God made us like this so that He can banish us from His throne and so that we will live miserable lives here on Earth? Do you believe in a God who is that cruel? The Catholic religion is long gone from me because of that. I have faith, but I will follow it my own way. I will not be dictated by so-called pious people who think they have the holy rules, and should apply them with force and humiliation. Maybe you should open your minds people!

I am not ashamed of being this way. I live my life honestly. Why hide? It will only make people look down on you more. Face it. This is your life. This is who you are meant to be. Does it matter what they say? Those who will not accept you are not your real friends anyway. True friends stay. No matter what.

We do not live for society's approval. We live because we are looking for happiness. We live for love. If you love another man, or another woman, so be it. Love is love, no matter the sexuality. True love is sweet, real, and it will not go away because others disapprove. Break away from the norms. Be who you really are.

I also believe that things happen for a reason. If I wasn't looking at the street, I wouldn't have seen April and Apple. If April did not say that she missed me, I might not have invited them to come over. And if they didn't come over to chat, I wouldn't have been able to make this stand about the third sex people. I stand proud because I am proud of myself. It's not the sexuality which makes people agreeable, in my opinion. It's the character that counts.

What's more, I wouldn't have met this wonderful person who makes my world go 'round if I wasn't gay. I wouldn't have met Cookie, my boyfriend. When I think of him, all the hardships I've gone through (for proof, browse through this blog) are all worth it. More than worth it. Each battle has made me stronger, and made me who I am today. Proud, confident, ready to face anything. Ready to give my baby all the love I can give.

Things happen for a reason, baby. I didn't meet you until now because God wanted me to know myself first, to become a better person first before He is ready to present me to you.

I will not let others get in the way of our relationship. We will encounter problems, true, but I am glad that I will be facing them with you by my side. We've only just begun... (Haha alam ko sasabihin mo ang corny ko...) What matters is that we love each other. Right baby? Let's go!!