AbanDon

Words will fail me. Words will not be able to help me. Because this time, they're my traitors. Instead of helping, they destroy. Instead of breaking, they mend.

For once, I will abandon my blog. I will leave whatever needs to be said left unexpressed in the air between me and the monitor. There they will stay, and with the coming wind, they will be blown away. I will blow them away if I need to. They need to go.

I'm packing its things now. I'm rushing it away from the recesses of my mind. There's no better time. This should have been done a long time ago but I was held by my weakness. I simply let it lie there while I turned my back on it and pretended it was gone.

Now, I have to force myself to show it to the door. It's hard, and I'm crying, but that's the only way to be. I'm crying, and it's so damn hard, but it's the right thing to do. Someone's waiting for me out there. It's only fair. For him.

I've been waiting for that trigger.

This will pass.

Happiness awaits me.

I know everything will be better after. A clean cut.

Goodbye.

***

Sarah McLachlan
STUPID

Night lift up the shades let in the brilliant light of morning
But steady me now for I am weak and starving for mercy
Sleep has left me alone to carry the weight of unraveling where we went wrong
And all I can do to hang on, to keep me from falling into old familiar shoes

How stupid could I be
A simpleton could see
That you're no good for me
But you're the only one I see

Love has made me a fool set me on fire and watched as I floundered
Unable to speak except to cry out and wait for your answer
And you come around in your time speaking of fabulous places create
An oasis that dries up as soon as youre gone
You leave me here burning in this desert without you

How stupid could I be
A simpleton could see
That you're no good for me
But you're the only one I see

Everything changes everything falls apart
I cant stand to feel myself losing control
In the deep of my weakness I know

***

And now I'm ready to be...

Extraordinary...