He was texting me like mad - sometimes it took less than a minute for his reply to come in. I can hardly put my fone down before it beeps again. For the first time in many months, I had to subscribe to unlitxt. We haven't even met and I thought that perhaps that is the very reason why he was texting me nonstop.
I liked it how he would make tampo everytime he felt like I wasn't replying fast enough. Once I wasn't able to reply for more than an hour because my fone went crazy, and he sent me a goodbye message thinking that I already left him behind. I liked it how he would be paranoid everytime I'm out, thinking that I was meeting a different guy. I had to assure him that I was seeing no one. I had to assure him several times.
I went home to my parents this weekend, and my mom noticed how my fone seemed to be glued to my hand. Being her usual snoopy self, she asked me who I was texting but I didn't answer. Not because I didn't want her to know that I'm into dating again but because I simply did not want to hear her sniff when I tell her it was "just some random guy".
This new guy and I talked about a lot of things, and I liked it that everytime I asked him a question, he would always throw it back to me. I felt like he was really interested in my answers. I liked how he kept asking me to hug him when we meet. I liked how we would make believe that he was where I was or I was where he was, and how we talked about what we'd do not only to each other but what we'd do together.
Well, no one's going to beat me and Dan's text euphoria last year but I thought this new guy was not bad. He was refreshingly earthy (not in a jejemon way) and he made me feel that I was indeed having a conversation with a guy. A real one. And that was bolstered by the fact that he kept on asking me whether I was "effem" and to be honest, I really did not know what to say to that. Some of my friends said I was and some didn't.
I called him one afternoon because he said he wanted to hear my voice. I thought the call went okay, even if most of the time I felt that I was talking to myself because he wasn't saying much. He had this boyishly cute voice and I was charmed. When I put my fone down to take a nap, I was happy as a cat in the creamery, believing that maybe, finally, love was coming my way.
Five hours later, I woke up to look at my fone and saw that I had zero new messages. I felt cold. The song "Never Ever" started playing in my head.
Was it my voice? Did he find it too gay? What was it that I have done? Did he find someone new? Did he lose interest? I texted all my closest friends because I was in a panic. I was falling falling falling again and I even had to bitch on my mom who was trying to engage me in a conversation. Couldn't she see how on edge I was?
It took almost an hour for any of my friends to reply, with me passing the time by pacing back and forth across the living room since I was unable to eat my dinner. I put on the song "Fallin'" and I believe I was able to immerse myself in it deep enough to make me teary-eyed.
My friends comforted me in their own unique ways and in short order, they made me realize how silly I was behaving.
It was morning when he finally remembered that I existed. He said he had been busy.
***
It has been three days since that night of silence and we're still texting each other, but things have definitely took a turn for the worse. I feel now that he already lost whatever it was that drove him to get to know me. And now I'm left trying to bail water out of our sinking boat, wondering why I am trying to save us in the first place. Wondering even if he is aware of what I am doing. Heaven knows that if I loosen my grip on this, it will evaporate like dew under the sun and I will be left as another notation on his list of rejects.
Oh reader, I know that I am taking things too seriously. I can't understand how believing in love can be such a bad thing in this world of PLU's. I wish I can just stop caring, stop putting my heart on the line because I cannot try starting a relationship without putting all of my heart in it.
Hehe. Ayos lang yun in the long run. Better to give than to receive.
I liked it how he would make tampo everytime he felt like I wasn't replying fast enough. Once I wasn't able to reply for more than an hour because my fone went crazy, and he sent me a goodbye message thinking that I already left him behind. I liked it how he would be paranoid everytime I'm out, thinking that I was meeting a different guy. I had to assure him that I was seeing no one. I had to assure him several times.
I went home to my parents this weekend, and my mom noticed how my fone seemed to be glued to my hand. Being her usual snoopy self, she asked me who I was texting but I didn't answer. Not because I didn't want her to know that I'm into dating again but because I simply did not want to hear her sniff when I tell her it was "just some random guy".
This new guy and I talked about a lot of things, and I liked it that everytime I asked him a question, he would always throw it back to me. I felt like he was really interested in my answers. I liked how he kept asking me to hug him when we meet. I liked how we would make believe that he was where I was or I was where he was, and how we talked about what we'd do not only to each other but what we'd do together.
Well, no one's going to beat me and Dan's text euphoria last year but I thought this new guy was not bad. He was refreshingly earthy (not in a jejemon way) and he made me feel that I was indeed having a conversation with a guy. A real one. And that was bolstered by the fact that he kept on asking me whether I was "effem" and to be honest, I really did not know what to say to that. Some of my friends said I was and some didn't.
I called him one afternoon because he said he wanted to hear my voice. I thought the call went okay, even if most of the time I felt that I was talking to myself because he wasn't saying much. He had this boyishly cute voice and I was charmed. When I put my fone down to take a nap, I was happy as a cat in the creamery, believing that maybe, finally, love was coming my way.
Five hours later, I woke up to look at my fone and saw that I had zero new messages. I felt cold. The song "Never Ever" started playing in my head.
Was it my voice? Did he find it too gay? What was it that I have done? Did he find someone new? Did he lose interest? I texted all my closest friends because I was in a panic. I was falling falling falling again and I even had to bitch on my mom who was trying to engage me in a conversation. Couldn't she see how on edge I was?
It took almost an hour for any of my friends to reply, with me passing the time by pacing back and forth across the living room since I was unable to eat my dinner. I put on the song "Fallin'" and I believe I was able to immerse myself in it deep enough to make me teary-eyed.
My friends comforted me in their own unique ways and in short order, they made me realize how silly I was behaving.
It was morning when he finally remembered that I existed. He said he had been busy.
***
It has been three days since that night of silence and we're still texting each other, but things have definitely took a turn for the worse. I feel now that he already lost whatever it was that drove him to get to know me. And now I'm left trying to bail water out of our sinking boat, wondering why I am trying to save us in the first place. Wondering even if he is aware of what I am doing. Heaven knows that if I loosen my grip on this, it will evaporate like dew under the sun and I will be left as another notation on his list of rejects.
Oh reader, I know that I am taking things too seriously. I can't understand how believing in love can be such a bad thing in this world of PLU's. I wish I can just stop caring, stop putting my heart on the line because I cannot try starting a relationship without putting all of my heart in it.
Hehe. Ayos lang yun in the long run. Better to give than to receive.
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