WARNING: This entry is for mature readers only. If you're below 18, you are discouraged from reading this.
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Some people think that just because I'm vocal about these stuff, I am promiscuous. Believe it or not, I'm actually against casual sex.
I won't deny that I do get attracted to some people (in other words, I get horny), and it may feel alright for the first few minutes or so but when I'm actually there, something in me shuts off. Despite myself, there's this voice within me, reminding me that I don't know this person. That I have no feelings for this person. And what the hell was I doing have I gone insane I'm a teacher?!! But I just can't back off without being impolite so I am transformed into this mechanical... device, doing things without really enjoying them. Just to be polite. And in the end, I am left with nothingness and coldness... I am not exaggerating.
I do envy other people sometimes when they tell me that they've done this with this person because no matter how I try, I just can't do it casually. I did not think that my emotionality will extend to my physical activities. And no matter what I do, that block is there. I really have to love a person first before I can share myself with him/her fully. Step by step. It's an automatic guard against unfaithfulness.
My advice is that, to those who are still virgins (meron pa ba dun?), do it with someone you really love. It is true, what they say - that you'll lose something within you. (At least it was true for emo people like me)
I'm writing about this because my boyfriend just told me about certain things from his past and I was really really bothered and my only reaction was "God...", and I was hurt because it took him seven months before he can tell me.
But we made it through. I am big enough to understand. Still I can't take it off me... Whenever I think of the things he's done...
"God..."
So you see why I'm against casual sex?
***
Some people think that just because I'm vocal about these stuff, I am promiscuous. Believe it or not, I'm actually against casual sex.
I won't deny that I do get attracted to some people (in other words, I get horny), and it may feel alright for the first few minutes or so but when I'm actually there, something in me shuts off. Despite myself, there's this voice within me, reminding me that I don't know this person. That I have no feelings for this person. And what the hell was I doing have I gone insane I'm a teacher?!! But I just can't back off without being impolite so I am transformed into this mechanical... device, doing things without really enjoying them. Just to be polite. And in the end, I am left with nothingness and coldness... I am not exaggerating.
I do envy other people sometimes when they tell me that they've done this with this person because no matter how I try, I just can't do it casually. I did not think that my emotionality will extend to my physical activities. And no matter what I do, that block is there. I really have to love a person first before I can share myself with him/her fully. Step by step. It's an automatic guard against unfaithfulness.
My advice is that, to those who are still virgins (meron pa ba dun?), do it with someone you really love. It is true, what they say - that you'll lose something within you. (At least it was true for emo people like me)
I'm writing about this because my boyfriend just told me about certain things from his past and I was really really bothered and my only reaction was "God...", and I was hurt because it took him seven months before he can tell me.
But we made it through. I am big enough to understand. Still I can't take it off me... Whenever I think of the things he's done...
"God..."
So you see why I'm against casual sex?
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