Halfway Through Summer

April 26, 2008

I'm a walking leaky faucet.

I've been crying everywhere and I don't care.

From Starbucks to Sarah's. From my bed to the classroom.

And I'm still patiently waiting for him to come and save me.

Because I've gone this far and it is too late for me to go back.

Because when you find your dream suddenly become unreachable, you are left with no other choice but to keep running after it.

No matter what.

You have to keep holding on to hope.

You have to keep going.

Because even if he doesn't see me the way I want him to see

Because even if he is blinded by powers untouchable by my influence

I want him to see how much he matters to me.

That even though I know we can never be together, I chose him because I believed in a dream.

I believe that he will come and save me.

I still do.

I mentioned, once in class...

That it doesn't matter whether what you believe in is true or not.

It's the fact that you believe

And you keep believing despite the odds.

Perhaps, one of these days, he will see

How strong I can be in holding on to a dream

I believe, reader

I believe that he will see.

***

And if he doesn't?

If he can't?

It wouldn't matter because I know I'll keep holding on anyway.

Even when I get tired

Even when I get drained from crying so much in so short a time

I'll go on because I believe in a dream.

The things I hear about you may bring me down

They may make me cry with hopelessness today

But tomorrow is a new day

And what is true today may be undone by tomorrow.

So I hope

And I believe

That one of these days, you will finally see.

I'll never stop trying until I'm done.

Ir's halfway through summer and my time is running out

Every day it gets harder to sleep

Every day my heart feels heavier

Every day I fall deeper

And bit by bit I lose hope

Bit by bit...

And when I look at my friends and see their similar dreams come true in front of my very eyes

When one day we're dreaming and the next day it's happening to them

I can't help but be a little bit hurt

Why can't it happen to me too?

My friends say that I deserve to be happy

Because I make many people happy

So why am I unhappy now?

Is this dream too much to ask for?

Oh, reader...

Why

can't

he

see?

***

Fools like me
Oh we love blindly
And the cracks don't count
It's gotta break in front of me

Tic toc the time
Distant look grows in your eye
But fools never ask
Afraid of what lurks in your mind
I always knew, somehow, always knew
I always knew the truth

Fools like me
Oh we never see
Cause the cracks don't count
It's gotta break in front of me
And it's breakin',
It's breakin',
It's breakin'
It's gotta break for me to see

At least I can say
I was not afraid
I loved you all the way
I'd pick the fool any day

-Vanessa Carlton
"Fools Like Me"