So I Close My Eyes

April 22, 2008

So what if you do not want to see me in the evening? 
I can look at your picture before I close my eyes to sleep.

So what if you do not want to see me in the morning? 
I can visit you in your room and pretend that I'm seeing your friends instead.

So what if you do not want to see me in the afternoon? 
I can follow you out of the room and look at your back.

So what if you continue to elude my efforts to get closer and talk to you? 
I do not give up that easily and I still have several days left.

So what if you do not look at me when I look at you? 
Just the fact that you're there and I'm near is enough.

So what if you're attracted to another? 
I'm not bothered because I know I can give you so much more.

So what if I miss the moments when you laugh, when you stumble, when you close your eyes, when you put your clothes on, when you wake up, when you ride the jeepney, when you step on this piece of ground, when you breathe? I can...

I can...

I can make believe that I'm right beside you anyway.

I can make believe that you're here and I'm here, 
and ever so slowly I'll come and sit beside you. 
And I'll sit there and do nothing and I can even close my eyes because my heart is already full.

And nope. I can't touch you because you won't let me.

And nope. I can't kiss you because I'm with somebody else.

So I'll just sit beside you and make myself believe that you're happy with me beside you too.

And I will smile a shaky smile but the tears will come so I close my eyes so they won't come out. 

So I close my eyes because it is there where I can see you.

So I close my eyes because I don't want to see this room empty.

So I close my eyes so I won't see the truth.

That you're far away

That I'll never get to touch you

Nor be with you, even for a while 

Maybe tonight I'll figure things out

And maybe when I wake up I'll be fine

But I know that tomorrow you'll be there again

To remind me that you can't be mine

So I close my eyes...

so I won't see the truth